For me! After I was diagnosed with PTSD, and also misdiagnosed with Bipolar at the same time, I did ask the psychiatrist to refer me to counselling for PTSD, however, after about 3 sessions with her, I asked her when we were going to work on PTSD, she told me we needed to work on my depression first, which I totalled disagreed. She also told me that she couldn't counsel me if I drank, which I didn't understand because I wasn't an alcoholic and sometimes I would only have a few drinks while bowling with my team once a week, so I purposely told her I drank to end the sessions with her.

In short, I found that most of those in the Medical and Mental Health Care system in my community are "Ignorant" ... and I did remove myself eventually in 2007 and started to education myself.

In 2008, I asked a referral to meet with a female psychiatrist, and she was amazed at my inner strength and self-awareness. She didn't even know the medication I requested to be put back on for treating my anxiety, was also a mood stabilizer. She also understood my comfort level with any professional depended on their compassion for their clients or patients, like herself.

Many times last year and this year, I felt myself on the edge of a nervous breakdown, and fought hard to get myself back. The last time I was in the psych ward in 2006, I was emotionally abused by a nurse, which the counsellor in the Psychology Dept. told me after I told her why I was so upset, and then not only did the other nurses mistreat me, she (the counselor) turns around and did the same thing to me (emotionally abused), which also contributed to my having a nervous break in 2007, as did the psychotherapy group facilitated by a psychologist, which I tried to keep attending afterwards, only to be hindering my healing rather than enhancing it. No professional was understanding me, let alone me understand what was happening to myself.

I learned more from reading books, then I ever did using the Mental Health Care in my community. And I am making progress at my own pace, not anyone else's. When I am reading and start to get overwhelmed by information I can relate to, I give myself a break until I've processed the information and then apply it in a new perspective for myself."

Great Question! Thank You for posting it.

sincerely
jbyrd

For me, getting the diagnosis was most of the battle. Until then, I was a wreck. But once someone told me she thought I had it, I read about it and I was like, "Oh, so it's there's something that's WRONG with ME- it's like I've got a stress fracture from too much running!" Then, it was like I had a darkness taken away from me. The stressors that caused the injury are over (my childhood), but I've still got some phantom flare-ups.

I understand my problems and now know how to respond to when I get realize that my buttons are being pushed. (I like to use that instead of "triggered"; that word is too loaded for me.)

I'm about 95% better, but boy, that 5% is a b1tch.

At least my husband "get it" now when that 5% comes and he knows what to do and not do. When it happens at school, that's when I say, "I need a time out" and sit at my desk. But it's usually b/c the kids are being a pain and they know it and ANY teacher would do the same thing.

When it happens out in the "real world" with strangers, I'll either deal with it and feel like I'm the most patient person in the world OR, if I'm being set off by a legitimate jerk, I'll allow myself to be a royal b1tch to that person (if it's a safe place). I treat it like I'm indulging in a dark chocolate, emotional bubble bath.

Mbyrd- I think many therapists are so-so which can be very damaging. At some point in my life, I'd love to get certified to help people. I also think drug companies are in it. Drugs for GAD??? Please! It's called THERAPY, diet and exercise. Anyway, that's just me being anti-meds.

I do see why she may have a personal rule to not treat anybody who drinks, as impairment occurs with the first sip. To give up alcohol shouldn't be a big deal if it's conditional to therapy. If it's too big of a sacrifice, maybe you ARE self medicating a bit??? Why is alcohol so engrained in our culture, anyway? (I stopped when I reverted to Islam and it's NOT a big deal- it just means that you don't lose possession of your faculties.) Just something to think about.

I think asking for help Israel scary at first. It was for me, anyway. Many with PTSD have the issues starting with family, those who are to comfort, love and protect us... those we feel should have been loyal and trustworthy... Sad reality is, many of us found that ideal just wasn't to be.. quite opposite, in fact.

Then, for me anyway, I felt " Who can I trust?" Who would believe such a trauma occurred? Even if I share the info with a stranger, what will their reaction be? Would they show empathy? Would they show companion? Or would they become defensive, and take on a denial approach because they don't want to even think about such an event... a denial of sorts. Not because of our hurt, but because it's something they don't even want to think about..therefore dismissing the subject altogether in their defense.

Discerning who to disclose our experience to becomes overwhelming.

Then there's the stigma attached to the illness... we may feel it's a defect in us that can and will be used against us in society...

And then, as if those issues aren't enough, there's the mediation issues... that opens up another can of worms.

Hiding isn't the answer, although it seems a good defense mechanism for a while... isolation doesn't work, because whereever you go, you take yourself with you. A burden shared is lessened.

Therapeutic avenues, such as counseling, journaling, and sometimes medication all require some type of interaction. Journaling doesn't have to be shared with others, but it's still an interaction with the emotional side of ourselves... even that can be scary.

jraernr, you wrote: "Then, for me anyway, I felt " Who can I trust?" Who would believe such a trauma occurred?"

That rang a bell with me, because when I answered "who" in your question, the first person I thought of was me--my very own self.

It took me some time to believe my own experience, to accept what had happened to me. I wanted to believe it had all been a long and very bad dream. Then live as if it never happened.

Well, that didn't work out so well. So I went to a therapist and started to work. Job one was for the therapist to get me to accept my OWN story.

I think that still contributes to how slow I am to claim my rightful support. Say somebody triggers me at work or something. I confess that even now at times I just would rather not believe it today just as I didn't want to believe it when the original trauma happened.

I don't want PTSD support to turn into sensational disaster sessions and one of the beauties of this site's support is that it doesn't do that. What it does do for me, though, is allow me to express the inexpressable, speak the unspeakable.

I'm still finding my voice as to asking for help. But it's working. Twice I've gotten advice about work situations and PTSD here that I've acted on with good results. That's a LOT for me, and it wouldn't have happened without DS PTSD advice and feedback here.

I think even in therapy...the conditionedtraining as , (for me, anyway) That I could not bother others for help. As a child being beaten for posing question, as a wife of my first, it meant I was questioning his sanity...same result. We have learned a life of "NO' why are you asking, well that's just stupid...or the worse "Are you saying it was me!"..' Bang-bang-bang goes the belts, hands fists. So it is very hard to overcome that conditioning, when it started so early. Even now, I have to carefully choose words to make sure I ask just the right way. that I am not misunderstood. (though I am still), here has been the easiest I have ever felt in communicating fears. My counceler...getting there, actually easier in some ways because she is blind.

Fear of repercussions.

For you the memory of previous job termination, adds a re-enforcement of that fear.


Which is also why Gertie blurts...too late to undo the enter button.