Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I ask God and my Folks who are gone now why evereyday.Why did this happen to a happy kid the youngest of four who only tried to get along with other kids and people.I had just started to advance in school after having to get use to the school the two years pryer.I was starting to get more accepted and had good freinds.I got elected to the head of the group i was in the boy scouts wich were all fellow classmates.I came from a semi liberal family in SF in 69 and were pretty much accepting toany colore or creed .My mom was a supervisor with child welfare and in her last years went to college at night to get her masters and a fammily child therapist license.All she wanted to do was help others.What my folks didnt know was the two men who trained and ran the alter boys were both pedophiles and obviously had me scoped out before i ever started alter boy training and service.I was molested the first day of practise and had to lie to my mom who loved me that they wanted me there early the next morning to heip open the church for six thirty mass.She told me that morning that shes watched and fed my two older brothers on there first days and i didnt have to be there that early.all that was in my mind was to have what ever that high was again.It was like the first time an addict does his high.And of course when i wanted that same high again i was told when he broought me into the confetional that it wasmy turn to servise him..And later that day when coming back for my turn that was told to me the other brought me upstairs in a room conected to the balcony..I remember him taking vasoline out of his suit pocket and the moans of sex but cannot remember at least now what was done to me.All i can say now while crying is IT WAS NOT MY FAULT now i have to learn how to get myself to beleive that.
Like why did the tornado hit Joplin, no ordain order.Just random being in the wrong place wrong time.
Unfortunately there are a lot of danger in life and they strike randomly and can happen to anyone.
Sorry it happened to you too...............regards.
The trouble with these kinds of things is the shame. We can feel guilty when we make a mistake, but shame means we are the mistake. We continue to shame ourselves after the abuse stops.
I think the thing you need to do is to forgive yourself and to forgive those two jerks who abused you.
Can you make them accountable for what they did to you? Can you report them to the police?
You have been through a terrible thing. There is nothing wrong with you that this happened.
God bless you and heal you.
That is the problem with PTSD. We compare rather than identify. "My trauma is worse than anyone else's." "My trauma is not as bad as others'."
Try to identify.