I'm beyond up set right now. So stressed out having bad panic attacks. So Saturday I had an MRI done of my back. I have had back problems since I was young and jumped on the way home from school. It got wires over the years from my weight and chest being bigger. Well its to a point were it's killing me. There have been times where I cant stand straight up or can't stand for more then 10 minutes. Well the nurse called me Monday and said that they saw a few things wrong. That she will talk to me more about it at my doctors appointment on Thursday which is tomorrow. That's just the tip of the ice berg. My step dad who has raised me since I was 4 so he is basically my dad. He has had medical issue for a long while now well they told him that his mild seizures are caused by the clogged artarys in his neck. So he will need surgery soon or he can have a bad stroke. My biological father has cancer through out his body and is not doing good. So all that on top of my depression,anxiety and ptsd. My ex taking my kids doing all that court stuff. So I have been with this guy for 2 years and 4 months with him being in and out of jail. I have supported him in and out putting money in the phones and in his books. After him beatting me bad. I'm not sure what I was thinking. No self esteem so I settle and say he didn't mean to and all that. Well he gets out we are doing good i think for two weeks. We wake up this morning fine all lovey getting ready to take me to work. He stops and says im taking the bus i have stuff to do i said oh ok are u sure he said yes. Gave me a kiss says I love u. I say will i see u tonight he says yes I said ok love u. Wakes away not hearing from him all day. Phone is off the phone I got him. No text nothing. After everything I did and took really. I feel so stupid. Like a Jack ass. He really played me good. I thought he loved me. Well I am done with stuff I even turned to drugs after being clean for 8 months. Lost,pisssed,hurt,angry many more. Going toto cry my self to sleep I'll let u know tomorrow what she said. Please pray. I appreciate all the support. You all are amazing
How do you feel like you got away from abuse when you still feel the physical, emotional & mental pain of it everyday - very much so the physical pain makes it feel like did I ever really get away, I mean he didn’t murder me like he wanted to because I finally escaped, but the physical pain makes me still feel like I’ll never get away from the abuse, like I’m still being beat & abused...