I don't trust people so I don't have a lot of friends, so when it falls apart all at the sametime it is difficult. For the past few years my friend and I have taken every Friday to do something. Lately she has been blowing me off for more interesting stuff, such as getting high with friends who smoke up. So, this week is no different, once again I am getting blow off so she can hang with the new friend who she gets high with and is solving all her problems, and causing her all kinds of stress. Ok, I need better friends than this. So when I tried to set something up for this friday she said she was to sick with the flu and might be able to go out Friday but was not sure. Then she told me she is going out with her high friend tomorrow and they are going to take her leased car back and get her out of the lease becasue she cannot afford it. OMG, cannot committ to friday but is well enough to hang out with the friend she gets high with. Fuck that. I deserve better friends! Who wants to be the friend that is on hold just in case a better offer comes in? I am done, trust is broken, she is lying to me but is so high she forgets she lied to me.
So I got involved with the photo club, and met a couple people. One works and has an active family life so she is not available very often. The other is retired, so we have gone out taking photos a few times but I suspect she is using me. Why? Well she recently moved here and when she went out she wanted to know my hot spots for photography. She is a professional photographer. I took her to a couple spots and told her I have a great deal of success selling pictures from these spots. She asked who did my canvas and I told her. Two days later she is advertising pictures from my hot spots on canvas for sale. Ok, so these are public places, and I don't own them, but she is a much better photographer than I am and i still would like to sell a few prints. Not very happy she took information I provided her and is trying to turn it into cash for me and is now my competition. Hummmm....not very friend like behaviour in my opinion. Why do people feel it is ok to use me?
So I decide I am going to take me mom out friday and maybe invite my sister. Mom cannot committ either, she is not sure if she is doing something on Friday or not. So I call my sister, she can go out on friday but only in the afternoon.
Pain in the ass people are.
This was about the time a troll decided to call me a scammer on a post I had selling something. Not the best timing on her behalf. I learned my fingers could really fly when I was mad. As I shot angry messages at her, my anger levels when though the roof. I am just trying to sell a few things to make a few bucks, what the heck. SO in my anger I told her I had PTSD and was reacting well to her attack to which she poured gas on the situation by saying she was going to post my mental heal issues to the board. Yay! She treatened me, called PTSD and excuse people use and I lost my shit. Finally a little bit of sanity creeped in and I banned her posts from my messenger and reported her. She had no intensions of buying the item, so shut the f up. Really what the heck is wrong with people?
Anyway, it been a shitty few days and it just feels like the world is clapsing in on me. My support network has abandoned me when I need them. My husband, my friend, my mom etc. Someone I don't even know attacked me on line. I am more and more sure everyday I dislike the majority of people in the world.
Rant, rant, rant.
How do you feel like you got away from abuse when you still feel the physical, emotional & mental pain of it everyday - very much so the physical pain makes it feel like did I ever really get away, I mean he didn’t murder me like he wanted to because I finally escaped, but the physical pain makes me still feel like I’ll never get away from the abuse, like I’m still being beat & abused...