thankyou, that makes complete sense.

Squeege suffered horrific abuse as a child (worse than your thinking) i wonder if that was the cause of her terror and panic in life, maybe she was suffering from it

Squeege, when you say 'my girl', I think it may sound like you are referring to a daughter and a girlfriend/wife.

Since I know his story, I thought I'd just clarify that this is not his daughter. Thanks.

Thanks for the clarification, tolerance. I was, indeed, confused by that one.

Sorry for your loss, Squeege. Especially for the horrible way it happened. Ouch on top of ouch.

A month is not very long in the processing of grief. It is even less for the processing of all the extra confusions of suicide. Please don't complicate it by worrying about what it could develop into. You have quite enough on your plate already.

And please feel free to sort your confusions here. Whether you sort them here or elsewhere, please don't try to do it alone. Sharing the load makes a much cleaner heal in my own experience.

Muji here. A suicide certainly can be traumatizing, but 51% and arfie do well to speak of what you're suffering through at this stage as grief at this point. And arfie's right in saying that a month of grieving is just the beginning. It takes different amounts of time for different ones of us, but grieving can take years and still not be a disorder, the D in PTSD.

A therapist would help with grief counseling as well as let you know if PTSD symptoms emerge. For a description of symptoms, I really like psychologist Pete Walkers web site and its definitions. He has an article specifically about grief and PTSD I'd invite you to check out.

http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/GrievingAndComplexPTSD.pdf

Sorry for what you're going through, and let us know how we can support you through this.

Hello Squeege. I know of your story from W/W page. Fifteen years is a good long while...it will take time. Not the easiest losing your partner. Reasons for PTSD are individual to each. But considering your loss it may help to consult a therapist on this. Because of the build up of time living with her conditions. I am not sure how John did with mine...he seldom let on. But he did gather others to help him, give him support. That is why I am asking you to do this, her decision was probably a daily fight she just got tired of fighting.

The things I did were never about him, but what had stayed with me from other things in my life. I often wonder if the cancer was God's ticket for all that he took living , loving me? Not a punishment but a reward. I know love goes along way on the others side...you gave her that to carry her farther than she could go alone. At this point you need to know that most feelings like that, "I"ever acted on were not to hurt anyone, only to stop the hurt I live with. John was great, but even still he had to be very careful about doing things certain ways. Because of that I loved him all his time with me, and will very likely love him all my time left.

Warm hug.
Jewell

no 'my girl' is my spouse, we were together for 15 years, engaged for 9 and we 'broke up' two weeks before she died so i don't know what i am. But we hung out everyday after we 'broke up' we were so confused. I think she was setting me free so to speak, she was in so much pain

. . . i think i am just looking for an easier way but everyone seems to be saying to seek professional help, i don't have much time for the mental health 'expert's' that didn't help squeege at all, they just stuffed her with pills but i guess until you try you can't keep whingeing about it

Not all prescribe Squeege, this time it's about you. I know you have her anme as many on W/W site use some form of. But again this part is about you. I am who I am here because that's where I started, really at the time thinking of an alias was the last thing on my mind...just trying to make it was.

"Wifeless"put up a poem? when I first got there that was my aha moment as a spouse. I occasionally bump it up, no newer members can see why it is such a deep loss to deal with. But it's been a while, but I will try to linc it to you or bump it again.

Sorry for your loss Squeege. Suicide is a very difficult way to lose someone that you love. I have lost someone myself and it can bring up not only the grief of losing someone you love, but guilt, confusion, anger and a myriad of other emotions. It is much more than just the grieving. I understand that the mental health system did not help your loved one, but grief counseling is not a mental disorder, it is help in recovering from a deep loss. I encourage you to find a therapist and possibly even a support group in your area so you can connect with others who have felt this deep pain. I do have triggers surrounding the suicide of a close friend and roommate in my early 20s, but it is convoluted with triggers i had prior to the suicide. Right now I hope you can find the support you need for this deep pit of grief. My heart goes out to you tonight.

There are truly no words I can say which will be of comfort to you, so I shall not send any your way...

It is not for me to decide whether you have PTSD or are suffering intense grief...

I find journaling to be very, very helpful to me...

Also, when I found a solid, good counselor, it was of great benefit...

Take care of yourself, really good care... Lila

To answer your original question, how do you know when it's PTSD?

Well, I'd say that if, after 6 months, you find yourself flying off the handle for things that seem petty, that may be a clue. If you find that there are triggers of things that before didn't set you off, that may be a signal that you have it.

I think the sooner someone gets aftercare once a trauma is sustained, the better the outcome.

It's been a month. I'd try to find some support somehow to properly go through all the stages of grief.

And my condolences.

Hugs.

How are you doing? Do you feel well enough to share an update yet? If not, no worries, but it you'd like to do so, please feel welcome to. We folks with PTSD have had to learn recovery from trauma is a long road. So whether you have PTSD officially or not, the pace of your grief isn't likely to put any of us off here. We're used to it in ourselves.

Let us know if we can support you further.