This is a touchy subject but honestly I wish it was something we could all learn sooner than we do.

So many people on these boards here say they are lonely. They have no friends. People let them down. They feel rejected. No one understands.
I have been there and know how hard it is. I know how big, deep and dark that pit of loneliness is. For me I can feel it right inside my stomach. It is swirling and black and cold. It grows and grows and I get afraid it is going to swallow me whole.

Now I have a small group of wonderful friends and a lot of wonderful DS friends but what I dont have is a significant other, a lover, a partner. I dont have that someone who will hold me at night. I dont have that person to hold the other end of the sheet when we are folding the laundry. So I still have that dark place though not as big as it used to be.

I used to have a hard time making or keeping friends. It took me a long time and a really sensitive therapist to figure it out. It was not that people didn't care or like me or even that they didn't understand. For some it may have been, but honestly the friendships never got far enough to find out.
I was asking every person I met to hold my troubles and pain for me. It was too much.

Most people want to meet someone to have fun with, if that works they can offer each other support with smaller things, then if you are lucky you end up with one or 2 friends that you can call when you are in the hospital. These are the ones that dont mind a panic sobbing I need help kind of call. Those friends mean the world to me. I would absolutely do the same for them. Still I dont overuse that kind of friendship. After all, they are mere mortals. Friendships have to develop over time. Some people will be like family and others will be great fun for a night out, watching a game or a movie but nothing too deep. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a casual friendship.

I think those of us who have struggled with a mental illness are taught by counselors to express our feelings. That is their job. But I needed to learn how to keep it in perspective. My counselor gets to hear all those deep dark feelings not people I just met or even my good friends. Like I said I learned not to burn out my friendships. Yes it is so important to show our painto the right people. I believe with all my heart that it is so important to have a counselor, priest, pastor, peer group, even DS as a safe place to go to not only vent but to hopefully gain understanding about myself so I can grow.

I learned there is real value in Fake it til you make it. I smiled. I pretended all was well. I joked. I made small talk. I read the news and kept up on current events so I could talk about something. I pretended I was just like everyone else. I had small successes and it gave me a bit of confidence. This was how I eventually ended up with the 3 best friends anyone could ever ask for so dont knock it.

I know I can go to these friends for anything and the feeling is mutual. We have shared some pretty intense things. Every so often we have a ladies night as we call it. That means we are all going out at the same time together. If one of us cancels last minute without a good excuse (sometimes even WITH a good excuse) she will receive a special gift. Last time I cancelled I received a penis shaped toothbrush :-)

All that being said I needed to be ready. I wasn't ready for close relationships so I worked on myself before I put myself out there. That is where I am now with developing a romantic relationship. I am just not ready for that yet. Just know that people aren't all bad but they cannot and in all honesty should not be your therapist.