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I was just wondering how many of you have experience watching others self-destruct?
I have a person in my family who I keep in contact with because they are family. I am confident if they weren't family I would have nothing to do with them and I am plagued by the notion that if I don't keep tabs on them no one will (which is true).
This last year they left a relationship with their long-term partner because their partner was "too controlling." This translates into: he wanted her to consider enrolling in therapy to treat her disassociative identity disorder (formerly multiple personality disorder) and address her alcoholism, so she left him. They had been together for almost a decade.
This woman drank so much that she tested (false) positive FOR LUKEMIA. I didn't realize this was even possible until it happened and the hospital tried to keep her to treat her. Her old partner was concerned she would (literally) drink herself to death so he gave up alcohol and encouraged her to do the same. Her response was to leave him, because that's what she does any time one of her partners encourages her to seek self-help (this man was not the first).
This last weekend my family member moved and called in her older biological brother to help her. This wouldn't bother me if I didn't know they were sleeping together. I lived with her for a while and when I discovered what was going on I tried to explain to her this kind of familial relationship wasn't healthy. I understand they went through sexual abuse together at the hands of others and were forced to have sex together as children at gunpoint, but one is almost 50 and the other is over 50. Not only is this not normal, it's not healthy.
This family member recently suffered a psychotic snap (I approached them about the compound/Waco issue) and it lasted almost two days. I understand that the past, and maybe even that snap, plays into this but I don't feel like I can stand by and watch this kind of behavior continue, and feel at the same time I have to otherwise no one will. I think without me in their life expecting at least some modicum of good behavior, this person would fall off the deep end quickly and likely drink themselves to death.
It also bothers me that this person is now avoiding me because of what is going on with her brother and I just don't quite know how to handle this. I can't change her behavior but I can change how I respond to it (you know?).
I was just wondering if any of you go through this too, and how you approach these moments when they happen?
Also, thanks for all the sort space guys!
I have a person in my family who I keep in contact with because they are family. I am confident if they weren't family I would have nothing to do with them and I am plagued by the notion that if I don't keep tabs on them no one will (which is true).
This last year they left a relationship with their long-term partner because their partner was "too controlling." This translates into: he wanted her to consider enrolling in therapy to treat her disassociative identity disorder (formerly multiple personality disorder) and address her alcoholism, so she left him. They had been together for almost a decade.
This woman drank so much that she tested (false) positive FOR LUKEMIA. I didn't realize this was even possible until it happened and the hospital tried to keep her to treat her. Her old partner was concerned she would (literally) drink herself to death so he gave up alcohol and encouraged her to do the same. Her response was to leave him, because that's what she does any time one of her partners encourages her to seek self-help (this man was not the first).
This last weekend my family member moved and called in her older biological brother to help her. This wouldn't bother me if I didn't know they were sleeping together. I lived with her for a while and when I discovered what was going on I tried to explain to her this kind of familial relationship wasn't healthy. I understand they went through sexual abuse together at the hands of others and were forced to have sex together as children at gunpoint, but one is almost 50 and the other is over 50. Not only is this not normal, it's not healthy.
This family member recently suffered a psychotic snap (I approached them about the compound/Waco issue) and it lasted almost two days. I understand that the past, and maybe even that snap, plays into this but I don't feel like I can stand by and watch this kind of behavior continue, and feel at the same time I have to otherwise no one will. I think without me in their life expecting at least some modicum of good behavior, this person would fall off the deep end quickly and likely drink themselves to death.
It also bothers me that this person is now avoiding me because of what is going on with her brother and I just don't quite know how to handle this. I can't change her behavior but I can change how I respond to it (you know?).
I was just wondering if any of you go through this too, and how you approach these moments when they happen?
Also, thanks for all the sort space guys!
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
You don't have enough influence to help her change...ever.
She is avoiding you because you have told her what she doesn't want to hear.
I am sorry and I hope you can let go with out regret, both of them in their 50's? They won't change, as log as they are happy with the results, mutual comfort.
Hugs and support for your boundaries.
J. .
But he got into cocaine after a romantic breakup and spiraled. I stayed his friend, but it was way over my head. Then I was the last one to talk to him before he was found dead from an overdose.
It's not some morality tale or a scared straight episode, it really happened. And his mom asked me to be a pallbearer at his funeral, so I literally carried his casket to his grave.
That one left a mark on the soul. You do have to let go and let God, it's true what jewells says.
What Jewells said, times two. Let go, let God, and do not take this on *you*, okay? Soft hugs.
Truthfully, Alice, it's easier for me to say let go than it is for me to *do*. Wish I was a better example.
This isn't extended family, though. This is close, immediate family which I think makes it harder for me to let go. I also realize she won't let me go (if that makes sense). As long as she is alive I know she is going to struggle and fight to be part of my life and I have managed to cut out most of the "bad" parts (such as not talking to her when she has been drinking and not talking with her when she's in an alter state).
I don't think this is a relationship I can actually toss (as much as that might be good for me), so I am stuck learning how to deal with having it around. Since I can't change her, but can change myself (which is what led to our rules in the first place), I am not sure if I am at a point now where I should deliberately distance myself (and only speak to them when they speak to me first), try to create more stringent rules, or go a different path.
I'm lost today, guys. :-\
We'd have a great time of music, not just partying, but loving music among musicians. Then at the end of the night he'd always close out the festivities singing a cover of Bob Dylan's "One More Cup of Coffee for the Road." Mike was of Arab descent, and that song, if you've ever heard it, deliberately uses Middle Eastern accents. So it was really his goodbye song.
I probably would have gone another round with him, then, after another overdose even though it hurt. I can't say I wouldn't have, even if it looked like a dumb thing to do to others. One more night to laugh and enjoy music and then hear Mike sing "One More Cup of Coffee." Everybody who was at those after parties misses him still. A nostalgia piece came out in the newspaper about just that.
Boundaries are really hard in situations like this. Sending you support, my friend.
Making nice, getting along? Well not now and I may not live that long. Getting saved does not absolve someone of the damage to another, if they don't admit/apologize and never do it again. He has not done any of those.
We are related biologically, but he is not a person I want to include in my life.
It's hard and painful to watch people spiral out of control... There are always reasons and usually despair.... I've lived an addict as well... I'm sorry to see all of the pain that people have and are going through
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Families-and-Friends-Of-Addicts/support-group
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So64wDv0mlg
He will never get better.
He will likely die of suicide, as he keeps attempting and will not seek help.
...I think that...not speaking to her unless spoken to is really ***generous*** of you.
You find her behavior with her brother really disturbing...I will grant it's not healthy.
She will never get better, because she won't get help.
She will likely drink herself to death.
That's not your job to stop. You could help ***if she would let you*** but she is afraid to face her damage and get better.
We can really only save ourselves.