If you're a recovering drug addict I don't know that smoking dope is the thing you should be doing, but no judgments really. You're trying to cope and don't have a long list of things that make you feel better or maybe not even feel better but just a little less pain. I'm your age and was sexually abused as a child and still I can't hear stories of abuse without getting triggered. Then I'm in bed, in the dark, unwilling to talk to anyone and unwilling to do anything. So I avoid that trigger. But God, I know how painful the memories are! Your therapist will help you develop some coping mechanisms that will make the thoughts and memories and fears less traumatic to deal with. You're probably in for a lousy week as you are haunted by all this. But it will get better. Stick around the site. I find talking to others about their troubles can help you forget about yours for a brief time. Also, I know there are at least several other men here who suffer from past abuse. If you want to talk to another man about this you could message one of them and reach out some that way. Hang in there.

I am so sorry you are suffering so, but as StKevin said, it won't always be that way. I agree that chemical cures are not always the best unless they are medications prescribed by your doctor for your specific symptoms.
Seeing your therapist and browsing this site, you will learn tools to manage your symptoms and move onto healing.
Be very good to yourself and try not to be freaked out that you might always feel this way because you won't.
My prayers are with you. Hang in there.

That is exactly what I am going through. The memories are with me non-stop. They do not go away, I feel like I am drowning in them. And when I close my eyes it's a thousand times worse. I don't use drugs but I feel like I have to stay distracted all day, but there is nothing that seems to be working. I wish you the best. Right now, I don't even have a therapist, my insaurance is in limbo, and everything in my life just seems to be falling apart. I pray to, I cry a lot also. I hope we both get better soon.

With Love,
abcgirl123

jery and abcgirl, you can get better. Try getting grounded and being in the here and now. That means being clear-headed and not high on marijuana.
Keep your environments peaceful and quiet. Reduce all stimulation. Focus on what is going on around you, the sights, the quiet sounds, the smells and the colors. Read or just focus on the beautiful pictures in a book or magazine. Breathe, do relaxation exercises, meditate. I meditate when I go for a walk. At first, my mind is wild, but as I walk, I start to notice the beauty of God's green earth and his precious little creatures.
Be proactive instead of reactive.
You can get control. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Are you talking about the abuse in therapy? Has your therapist given you STRONG coping skills? I assume yes and no... Is this incorrect? You need to be relatively stable with an arsenal of HEALTHY coping skills before diving into the trauma. Otherwise you risk major destabilization, which is the path you seem to be on now.

I completely agree with abstaining marijuana from my recoverey.But what i didnt talk about was that the molestation at the time kicked my PTSD into a tremmer on my right hand and body.The doctors misstook the tremmer for brain cancer.Back then they didnt have MRIs or Cat scans.ONe of the xrays was called numoensephlagran were they strap you in a chair and insert a needle in your spinal cord and inject oxygen wich goes into the brain to displace tumors so they can be seen easier with the x rays. They cant give you any pain medication because it could distort the procedure.The screams turned into vomiting and then finaly i lost concioness.When i awoke later in bed it took 48hrs for the oxygen to leave my system.If i tryed to move my head during that time my head would go into violent migrain like pain.Just when i started to feel releif they weeled me in for 13hrs of exploritory brain surgerey.They told my folks after the surgerey that it was to late to do anything and gave me 3 to 10 days to live.Obviously i didnt die but suffered many problems after including a stroke at 15 and seizures the rest of my life.They also had to give me plasma after the surgerey wich started the Hep-c that sat dormant for30 yrs and now ravages my body in beginning 4th stage complications.Ive lost 60 pounds the last few years and can barely put any food in my system.Yes its a good excuse to smoke marijuana but it does help me get an appetite.I can go on and on about my health and make excuses for my life style.And i dont want to convince anybody that im in the special sercomstances for my use.I feal like im out of fuel to combat this new Trama thats been reborn in my mind of the molestation that caused me to go down the wrong paths of life that im trying to make amends with now.

If sounds like you need to be in the hospital right now. Does your therapist know it's this bad? It's clear you need help. I'm not there to know but it sounds like you should be hospitalized. But until that happens, hang in there. We're here with you. Take care.

First let me thank all of you for your support and coments I really need people like all of you and me..Im a 55yr old x comercial fishernan and then a construction truck owner operator till the last two years when i got to ill to perform in a safe manner.Now some of your comments have slowed me down enough so i can cry and let some of it go for today.My doctor and therapist both have asked me if i think anti depresents or panic medicine would help me handle my episodes of PTSD.I told them all it would do is delay my mind from comming to a clear view of my problams that i have to handle and work out.And i know i cant do that by myself.

Don't knock medications. There are a lot of medications that can do a lot more for your symptoms than marijuana. PTSD causes a lot of terrible symptoms that need medications.
For years, I thought anti-depressants didn't work and I was just being weak needing medications. I found out differently, and could kick myself in the butt for that kind of attitude.
Being on medications is not weak. It is smart.
PTSD and depression and anxiety are real. They each cause physical reactions.
If you and I had diabetes and told our doctors it was weak to go on medications, people would think we were nuts.
If your doctor suggests medications, give it a try. It can't hurt you. It can only help. If they don't seem to work or you are bothered by the side effects, your doctor can change your medications.
Hang in there. You can do it.