Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I'm getting ready to spend 3 weeks in winter starting Tuesday. I'll be flying 7,000 miles to the battlefield in South America where I survived the Dirty War in the 1970s. I barely go out of my house but once every 3 days, and now I'm going on this trip. But I did it in 2009 and 2011, and it was good for me, hard as it is.
This coming Tuesday! I'm so excited I'm nearly chasing my tail. Everything's ready, but I double and triple check nonetheless. Part of it is the massive triggering of war memories when I set out to go. But then every single time I've gone it's terrific exposure therapy in that the streets of fire from days of yore are just familiar peaceful streets now and I end up having a ball. But the buildup is PTSD stressful. I've mentioned here that I was in a car that was bombed downtown where I'm going, things like that for 6 years back then. So I'll be walking those same streets for exposure therapy.
I'm really lucky to have the money to go by being able to work at the new job I've had for just 2 years. I barely do have the money to go, and I always worry about that, too, but it doesn't take much to keep me in food and lodging. The flight is 15 hours, though, so that's rough the older I get. I'll be 55 on Monday. This is kind of a birthday present to myself.
Anybody else draw strength from confronting the place where they got traumatized and got PTSD in the first place? I thought for a long time it would be the last place I'd want to go back to, but it turns out it does me lots of good. If anybody else does anything like this in some way, I'd be interested to hear about it here.
Muji
This coming Tuesday! I'm so excited I'm nearly chasing my tail. Everything's ready, but I double and triple check nonetheless. Part of it is the massive triggering of war memories when I set out to go. But then every single time I've gone it's terrific exposure therapy in that the streets of fire from days of yore are just familiar peaceful streets now and I end up having a ball. But the buildup is PTSD stressful. I've mentioned here that I was in a car that was bombed downtown where I'm going, things like that for 6 years back then. So I'll be walking those same streets for exposure therapy.
I'm really lucky to have the money to go by being able to work at the new job I've had for just 2 years. I barely do have the money to go, and I always worry about that, too, but it doesn't take much to keep me in food and lodging. The flight is 15 hours, though, so that's rough the older I get. I'll be 55 on Monday. This is kind of a birthday present to myself.
Anybody else draw strength from confronting the place where they got traumatized and got PTSD in the first place? I thought for a long time it would be the last place I'd want to go back to, but it turns out it does me lots of good. If anybody else does anything like this in some way, I'd be interested to hear about it here.
Muji
I don't have to travel far to go back to where my trauma occurred though one of the buildings was knocked down by a wind storm years ago. The one thing I have done is to go back and photograph all the specific rooms, corners etc. that the abuse occurred in. Photography helps me bring the demons into the light so to speak. Even though it can be intense when I am doing it by the time I have developed the pictures I feel like I have removed a bit of the infection.
i have thought about going back to capetown, south africa to visit my old house and more-or-less confront my demons.
then i think `it is still an extremely high-violence country, without any real police force, kinda' like the wild, wild west'
can't do it. my luck i'd get shot again.
I think is great.
Some years ago, mama had to be put in an assisted living home and her house was put up for sale. When I made my final walk through, alone, I thanked God for saving our lives within these very walls during childhood distress. I could still see the beatings, feel the tension, yet it was time to be glad I survived and also recognize that I have thrived. I went through each room and put "prayers in the air" for the new people moving in. When I locked up for the last time, I felt free from the "closure" a long time coming.
Onward to you, amigo!
I saw these papery flower/weed things and it was a huge (pleasant) flash back. I was like, "Oh, I remember playing with these in the yard" and I got some of the flowers in hopes of planting them in my current house. Weird, I know, but it does help to know that I actually do have a few hidden nice memories from my childhood.
I'm very happy for you that you can do this for yourself. May you have continued healing and feel peaceful on your trip.
I can't go back . . . Multiple traumas, multiple places. My father still owns his house, and I turned my back on him and walked away many years ago. My ex-husband owns and still lives in what used to be our house. The other place, from the last trauma . . . I can't remember where I was at. ? That's so strange. Why can't I remember where I was? Maybe because it was a mental breakdown.
You are true healers.
I'm glad to receive your stories about going to your own battlefields or not, how it has helped to do so and how you chose not to. It's a topic for us all, I see. I see that I'm not the only one who thinks about it. It's so hard to measure progress in DS PTSD recovery, and if it's possible for some of us, I'm glad you're encouraging me to go and see how far recovery has come. Blessings, everybody!
I spent most of my childhood and adult life believing the lies my father told me- that I was a no-good f-up.
It's so validating to read your words that we/I am a strong, healer/survivor.
In a way, I don't know if I'd realize just how strong I am, were it not for coming through on the other side of abuse. In a bizarre way, I'm thankful for it. If we're still here, I guess that makes us all pretty awesome, huh?
:D
I didn't revisit my place of birth where I was born and lived since august 95, when we had to leave because of war at the time, it changed and it is not there like in 95, but I don't feel safe to go and revisit, I don't have either money for that, very expensive tickets and takes around 18h of flight and waiting in between flights to get there
I do have pictures how my place looks now and for now I don't want to go there, it is almost abandoned place, only couple ppl live there within ruins and destroyed houses around them, scary place for me which I have no courage to revisit
im glad that you are able to revisit and be careful
and Happy Birthday!!!!
oh, sidarta, I'm sorry your location still looks bad,, that would be sad to visit again.
I will be able to log onto the internet from the capital, but I plan to cross the Interior of the country from border to border, too. A great adventure for this old geezer, revisiting places I haven't been to since growing up there as a kid. all before the body can't do it any more.
So we'll see how the interior internet infrastructure is in the rural areas these days. It might be great. I've been pleasantly surprised that in Latin America old landline phone infrastructure stunk, but they just skipped over that and did cell phones state of the art. Could be that way with internet, too.
Tuesday cometh.... :-)
Thanks for the good wishes. Won't be long now. The flights Tues-Wed will be uncomfortable, I know, 15 hours in transit. But I should be recovered by Fri, hopefully, and out and about to see those streets in peace and prosperity once more, good positive exposure therapy.
Meanwhile, a happy Fourth to all here in the US!
Muji
You know what? I wonder if you'd like a certain movie made by and about American Indians? It's called Smoke Signals. There is a lot of Jungian symbolism in it that White people miss. Most popular reviewers thought it was a light comedy, but actually it's very deep.
if you'd like to see it I'll give you a link. If you want to wait till you get back I'll give you the link then.
How long will you be there?