There are some when the anniversary jumps out and bites me. There are other years when I breeze past them without a hitch. It just depends on how vulnerable I am at that moment in time.

When I was 15 I was the first on the scene right after my best high school pal's mom shot his dad dead in their house as my friend walked out the door to head to school. Minutes later, I found him covered with blood as he held his dad in his arms.

The police came, cordoned house off with crime scene tape, interrogated the two of us, and arrested his mom. Every week after that for three years I went with him to visit her in jail as her case made its way through the courts. She got 25 years.

I credit the whole episode at that time in my life with my going on to be a director of a federal halfway house for ex-felons. That, in turn, led to my working in a Chicago ER that served a south side neighborhood with 47 gangs that were at war with one another.

On one 8 hour shift I once had 72 gun shot wounds come in my door. I had to keep gang members from coming into my hospital to finish attempted executions of their enemies by gathering the gang leaders in the parking lot for a pow-wow that successfully made my ER neutral territory.

Somehow being around crime and criminals hasn't upset me in life as much as being around supposedly upstanding citizens who turn out to be hypocrites. I guess that has to do with expectations at the outset or something. I've always found supporting victims of crime to be fulfilling, so I'm glad to see your support group addresses them directly. Good for you, Pleiades!

Thank you for the work you do. It is important. I have always believed in second chances so I find hypocrisy in myself at the moment. I have the desire to strike down the animal that took my uncle for profit. He lied about my uncle and made public statements contrary to who my uncle was in life… so yeah it’s scary how “normal people” we live next to can carry this within us… I am so sorry your friend and you experienced that level of trauma.
I was raised with my older second cousin whose father shot his mother and grandmother. My mom - his great aunt took him in. So I can imagine the pain your friend navigated. I am glad there are people in the world like you who do care in the work they do. I just hope that if there are others who join the group we can talk openly because that’s far better than carrying the anger and fear and sadness and guilt. It’s so many confused emotions to process and the prosecutorial process is added trauma in so many ways.
Thank you for saying something- it helped me not feel so alone.

Pleaides, thanks for sharing from your background when you wrote here:
" was raised with my older second cousin whose father shot his mother and grandmother. My mom - his great aunt took him in. So I can imagine the pain your friend navigated."

Yeah, you can more than imagine it, you've seen it yourself. I'm truly grateful to know that a fellow DSPTSD members gets what it's like to navigate such tragedy up close among family. I'm glad my sharing made you not feel so alone, because your sharing back about your older second cousin certainly did that for me 100%. Wow.

I'm not a victim of this type of crime but I wanted to give you a big hug and a blessing... xo

Sending you support for another day today, Pleaides.

Supporting you again this day Sunday, Pleaides, we're with you day by day.

Thank you all. Reading this today helped me. Tonight was a call with the prosecutors office related to my uncle. We talked about this because I realized I will be the one appearing in front of a parole board if they accept a plea deal. It left me feeling pretty alone… thank you for understanding and offering this support. I’m glad I found it tonight- but sorry I didn’t see it to respond before tonight.

I'm glad to hear that reading what we shared here helped you, Wow, appearing in front of the parole board would be a challenge to me. I hid what I shared here even from therapists for years, it wasn't something that I revealed easily. Coming here is what gave me the wherewithal to do it. Let us know when this appearance happens for you so we can support you, too.