I think you make excellent points. It is a good reminder to pull back before we decide we *know*... and review what we don't know, perhaps.

I wonder if it is respecting what is not even mine to know. Most of the healing journey lives beyond words. Microscopic details make huge and lasting differences?

I think that's a really great way to express iit. Beyond words....

And the least things can become the biggest.I can't even get that into paintings, let alone words!

I think when we're online part of the difficulty is not seeing expressions or tones of voice... So things said can come across as very blunt...

I to share personal experience at the same time I see things leading towards the next step of perhaps healing....I think it's important for people to ask for what they need.... So if it's just a hug and support as opposed to what might help in the way of change in a given situation perhaps just to ask for a hug would be a good thing...

People see a post and respond as it effects them of course with the respect to the OP....I tend to look for what I see as might be a step towards helping a situation make a positive change due to I think my field of work for so long and I don't know that, that's always appreciated as I'm not at work here however it's also the way I apply things to myself as well... What's the next best thing to do to help myself... Thus I pass it on..

Thus as you stated arfie 'The pay off is testing my own personal recovery in the speaking of it"

I don't know that there is a right thing when people respond with kindness and thoughtfulness... We do the best we can... Sometimes people are just feeling raw and their perception may not be ours....x

I have a dear friend ... early 30's ...

I've told him more than a few times that ....

"When people don't ask my advice, they really don't want my advice. When people DO ask my advice, they usually don't want my advice, either."

;-)

I try to remind myself of that ... often.

Yep, I've been hired to be a substitute preacher and have been called on twice a month all year this year. Kind of like being a substitute teacher. You get paid.

I've got the master's degree in theology and the seminary education and all of that. But I stick to telling about my personal journey as a seeker instead of telling people all about God and how to be righteous.

How would I know all about God and being righteous enough to dispense such advice? How would anybody, really? I just know my own journey as a seeker. To my surprise, I've gotten called back to preach at these churches all year. Something must work about it.

I'm preaching like that tomorrow.

Think it has to do with the fact that we have both attended Alanon, arfie?

Throw me into the Alanon club too, Muji.
I've noticed those who went to Alanon even briefly do tend to have that realization: "I can't tell others how to think/feel/live/experience". I'm not as good at it as I'd like.

This is perhaps one of my biggest struggles. I'm not a trained counsellor or anything and have helped people since I was a child. I've been in enough counselling that I feel I have a good understanding of the healing process. Been around many people healing and have seen what works and what doesn't. In the physical, I've been the leader of my community, had to make those tough decisions, have tore my own heart out making some of those. So I have that authority "complex" I have to keep in check, that ego.
I prefer to help people in the physical, I have more senses to rely on. Here, did I say too much or not enough? Did I explain it right? Did I use the right approach? The list goes on and on. I'm super critical of myself and I stress myself out. Most replies take me at least half an hour before I hit that button. One reply took me 6 hrs. since I had to keep thinking it through. I only want to help not harm.

When I finally hit that button, it's self punishment time. I reread what I wrote, again and pick it pieces criticizing myself, for what mistakes i find and I always find many. I often find myself saying "let it go" to myself over and over. When I can't, that's when you usually don't see me around for a while,I'm too busy beating myself up.

I don't mind suggestions since i know the intentions are from people who care. I don't like those YOU NEED to DO this or that and I'm probably guilty of doing that myself. I have a few friends who are straight shooters and some of their comments in my journal, other friends find brutal, yet I need that raw,"un sugar coated" approach sometimes, that kick in the ass, and I like that in them.

If anyones feels I said something wrong or in the wrong way or anything, please message me, so I can fine tune myself, lord knows there's need for improvement here. Time to hit that button, slam the lid down and go pace for awhile and stress out....

Walking Buffalo there isn't a right or wrong way for DS as long as people show kindness and are trying to be supportive... Yes some comments may be appreciated more then others however DS is a support site and people do the best they can to show support for the people that they care about...

I think I'm reading ?? here that what some people have learned to do being in AA or NA that testimonials work for them and that is wonderful... So perhaps so perhaps as an example someone may say my son needs me to pay his rent and buy his drugs or he'll end up on the street.....Instead of telling that mother she is enabling her son to continue using drugs someone with in that program would perhaps talk about how this might effect them personally and how in that situation that they might use that extra money to fund their alcohol or drug use ... Please correct me if I'm wrong...

DS is a support site ...some people ask for help, advise or support and so members do the best they can to provide with with thought and their heart...

Walking But... There is no right or wrong way at DS... You provide support your way.... Heck sometimes here people even disagree and that's okay as well as long as they disagree without being disagreeable... I think this is a wonderful site that everyone has something to offer and we call all learn new things... .

As long as info, testament, advise. personal stories are offered with a kind heart and regard for the OP the person commenting is always doing the right thing... The OP seeking some responses or support can take what they want away with them....
I hope that this helped Walking Buffalo....One thing that I always take note of when I make a post is that all of the people reply took the time to think about the situation I posted and put their thoughts and effort into it....x

Ha! I spoke in the church today and revealed my fantasy story about Jesus and PTSD. I figure the Easter story tells us he died on Good Friday and Sunday's Resurrection Sunday. The story after that when he meets Doubting Thomas the disciple is that he shows Thomas the scars from the nails in his hands to prove it's him.

In other words, even resurrection didn't take the scars of trauma away in that story, which is the big story of Western civ, right?

So I got to tell how I imagine things went for Jesus after the crucifixion Friday on the next day nobody knows about, Easter Saturday. Just by knowing what PTSD flashbacks feel like to me.

It was that testimonial thing, just put up alongside a story church people would know. I wondered if the church folks wouldn't be offended, but it went over pretty well with them from their responses afterwards. Point being it was testimonial about what it must've been like from my experience.

So that's how I talked about PTSD to some folks today. This isn't my church, so it was nice that they let me know afterwards that any PTSD friends I have are welcome to join their weekly meditation group to learn grounding and breathing techniques for self calming in addition to meds.

Like Suncloud said, testimonials seem to work, even far-fetched ones like mine today. Hope nobody here's offended that I shared about it. I didn't speak for God because I know anything for certain. I just figured if we were in a church talking about PTSD, I might compare what I know from my own experience to the possible experience of someone they held in common and talked about every week as church people.

No one can know what Jesus felt or didn't feel, but the possibility that he felt in any way like the rest of us who have PTSD got us past the stigma to the testimony together, will all due respect.

If people ask for our thoughts on a certain subject, I'll offer mine. But I try not to put in my two cents if it's not welcome.

I hope I've not overstepped my bounds.

I only give advice if I have been in the same situations. It can save a life and I would rather tell someone the ugly truth before I would refrain from letting someone walk into their own doom
I used to be very helpless, letting people walk all over me, now that I have learned what that is like, and how to spot it early and how to combat it, I would feel terrible if I did not give this present of awareness to others.

I could watch someone for over 25 years going through the same kind of abuse then I did, without saying anything and knowing how much that person will suffer.
Or I could instead show that person exactly what is happening to him or her, without them realizing it.
That person will be shocked at first, but then quickly realize that instead of going the same way that will only continue their suffering they will be able to choose a better way because someone that has been there is telling them what will happen if they do not change their life.
Similar to watching a patient die a slow death, knowing the possible cure before hand. Would we then not suggest a possible cure? Would we not help that person get healthy?
It is exactly the same thing with abuse. I know the causes and pitfalls, and the following results that many abuse victims are suffering from.
If I would not help them, and the truth is not pretty, can be very painful, but will save you in the end, well I think helping would be my choice, pretty much like taking a bitter pill that will cure your ills.