Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I have been with the same person for several years, and have finally been doing really well in the bedroom. There is trust and understanding. But suddenly out of the blue, I have started having an inability to do much of anything. The bedroom has become a stressful place, and he thinks its either his fault or that I don't love him anymore. He says that my saying 'I don't know why' is a cop out. But I really don't know why this happened. Has this happened to anyone else???
Do you remember when this started? Can you identify what sexual act triggered this response? If you can answer these then you are on your way to healing it. If you are working with a therapist you may want to bring this information with you so you can work on healing the emotions that go along with this trigger. And perhaps even remember the event that caused the feelings. Once you process the feelings/memory this will no longer be a trigger for you.
I agree, get with a therapist if at all possible ASAP, and take the other half along.
Tell them for me, as a rape survivor, it is NOT a cop out. I was baffled for years why I was okay with *X* but not *Y* when neither was related to my rape, nor the circumstances of it, nor its details. Turns out I was just scared of Z, and it translated into th emarital bedroom because I was just feeling vulnerable and scared overall, let alone during sexual activity. Which is, let's face it, da*n vulnerable times.
Hope that wasn't too graphic? But my first post-rape sex was... a test of willpower. And sometimes, other things can wear us down. When my PTSD stress from my dad acts up, I can overreact to Hubby wanting to hold me tight, because it's too close to Dad strangling me. Wait,w hat? It's not close at all. No. But to my pTSd it can be.
"Cop out".... OK. First time he can't "perform" and can't explain why, tell him it's a cop out. Hmph. Not a fair expression of his frustration at *all*, IMHO. OK, that was me being all vent-rant on your behalf, sorry if that's not okay with you. I trigger off that "cop out" thing a little. Hubby and I are 23 years married but I still remember well our pre-marital days when he said I was copping out because I couldn't explain why (something) made me tense and scared. It was a few years before I figured out why it did.
Blessings,
Leo