Sorry you got triggered. It does make sense. That sudden lethal burst of unprovoked hatred is bound to be triggering for you, because you experienced similar. It is a tragic and terrifying incident.

Sorry you're triggered. Hugs.

Makes sense to me. Big hugs to you, Muji, that's scary enough for those of us whose war zone childhoods were metaphorical, not *actual*. Mass violence bad.

Soft support.:-)

Muji, this is the first time a terror attack has not triggered me. I have feelings of sadness and I am upset, but not triggered.

When I would get triggered by the terror attacks, it was because it was a general feeling of not feeling safe. Could it be a feeling of feeling unsafe rather than a connection between bowling and terror attack? I know when I was triggered I would have a lot of thoughts that did not seem to be connected, but I think it was my mind trying to pull me out of it by flashing any kind of memory it could to stop were I was going because I was so afraid the trigger would cause me to lose my mind forever.

Perhaps you could stop beating yourself up looking for the connection and focus on self care, self soothing and getting through this. If there is a connection it will come to you later when you are not in a trigger. I am worried trying to do this work while triggered will make the trigger last longer and pull you in deeper.

here are some reminders for self soothing

VISION:
Walk in a pretty part of town. Look at the nature around you. Go to a museum with beautiful art. Buy a flower and put it where you can see it. Sit in a garden. Watch the snowflakes decorate the trees during a snowfall. Light a candle and watch the flame. Look at a book with beautiful scenery or beautiful art. Watch a travel movie or video.

HEARING:
Listen to beautiful or soothing music, or to tapes of the ocean or other sounds of nature. Listen to a baby gurgling or a small animal. Sit by a waterfall. Listen to someone chopping wood. When you are listening, be mindful, letting the sounds come and go.

SMELL:
Smell breakfast being cooked at home or in a restaurant. Notice all the different smells around you. Walk in a garden or in the woods, maybe just after a rain, and breathe in the smells of nature. Light a scented candle or incense. Bake some bread or a cake, and take in all the smells.

TASTE:
Have a special treat, and eat it slowly, savoring each bite. Cook a favorite meal. Drink a soothing drink like herbal tea or hot chocolate. Let the taste run over your tongue and slowly down your throat. Go to a potluck, and eat a little bit of each dish, mindfully tasting each new thing.

TOUCH:
Take a bubble bath. Pet your dog or cat or cuddle a baby. Put on a silk shirt shirt or blouse, and feel its softness and smoothness. Sink into a really comfortable bed. Float or swim in a pool, and feel the water caress your body.

Take care Muji

Huge hug for you muji....
I think most of us can see the connection ...It's hate rearing it's ugly head in a horrific way
No one should ever have to go through anything like this and unfortunately there will be more people now with PTSD
Nice ideas from CC.... Another hug and a blessing....I hope you can soon feel some peace....xo

Makes a lot of sense to me. Hugs muji

Hugs Muji. You deserve comfort It was evil, hate and innocent people..and survivors...I am so sorry, but I can see it being triggering after what you went through. I add my Thoughts and Prayers to the families too...terrible tragedy! Support to you..I think it is overwhelming to try and process one killing...mass killings???...I can't watch the news! More Hugs of Support!

Hugs of support muji. Senseless violence upsets anyone but worse for you.

Thanks, everybody, for helping me with this. I had bought a ticket to a ball game but was so disoriented by flashbacks that I didn't know if I could go. Then something in me got angry, saying terrorists win if they attack people on their leisure time in one place and we stay home from leisure time after that everywhere else out of fear.

So I got to the ball park after the game was half over, and it turned out that I could function. I could sit in the stands and cheer in the right places, I could function as a sports fan after all. I know that sounds stupid, but to anyone whose brain has been flooded with flashbacks you know it's a real win not to get stuck in the past, to be able to function in the present.

On the way home from the ball park my subway passed the subway stop where an lgbt Pride Festival was going on. A bunch of young lgbt folks got on the subway in my car. I know they had been at the Festival's candlelight vigil for those lost in Orlando, so I know they were respectful and grieving. Even so, I saw that they were happy to be together, probably a lot like those lost in Orlando before the shooting began.

Seeing that was a real comfort to me in that, even with horrible loss, life goes on. Thanks for supporting me here to muster the strength to see that, my friends. Thank you.

Hugs

hugs

I used to endlessly watch CNN, as it looped disturbing stories. I became upset about the Virginia Tech gunman and Michael Jackson's death. I just have to stay arm's length away from current events.

The events are real and we should be informed, but I stick to my small fishbowl of existence and try to detach from what I can't control. It's just too triggering. I try to stick to online stories and avoid videos. Hugs and support for you.

Sometimes there is no immediate connection. You are an empathetic and good person, it makes sense you would feel this way for innocent people.

You don't need to be sorry, please feel better soon.

Update: with 49 victims of the Orlando shooting to mourn, waves of funerals are going on right now. The media today talked about how people were kind in solidarity to one of the mourners, a grandmother of one of the victims who traveled to her grandson's funeral on JetBlue airlines. I thought I'd share.

"How this Orlando-bound flight crew went above and beyond for the grieving grandmother on-board"

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2016/06/15/how-this-orlando-bound-flight-crew-went-above-and-beyond-for-the-grieving-grandmother-onboard/

"A JetBlue flight attendant shared a moving account of how crew and passengers on an Orlando-bound flight went out of their way to comfort a grieving woman who lost her 20-year-old grandson in Sundays massacre.

He was Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, a dancer with big Hollywood dreams. Omar, as friends and family called him, was one of the youngest victims.

The grandmother was traveling alone, so Kelly Davis Karas and the other JetBlue employees were instructed to be at her side throughout the journey. The company would have known which passengers had lost loved ones because the airline provided free tickets to any family member or domestic partner of one of the victims who needed to get to Orlando.

About halfway through the flight, Karas wrote in a Facebook post, a colleague had an idea to have all of the passengers sign a condolence note for the woman. But people didnt just scribble their names, they wrote long thoughtful messages that took up pages and pages. When the flight landed, they made an announcement: JetBlue stands with Orlando and then, at the request of some passengers, held a moment of silence for Omar.

As they got off, Karas said every single passenger stopped to personally greet Omars grandmother.

Some just said they were sorry, some touched her hand, some hugged her, some cried with her, Karas wrote. But every single person stopped to speak to her, and not a single person was impatient at the slower deplaning process.