Both of my pregnancies were surprise packages, so I am clueless on the dynamics of fertility regimens, but the hormonal/PTSD dynamics of my own pregnancies were harsh enough to make me wonder if you should postpone the regimen until you have worked through the current blockage. Just wondering in my just-a-patient way. It is yours to sort.

Are you in therapy?

I wonder why it has to be such a project? Why not just wait and see if it happens in the normal course of things? What you're doing as far as "forcing yourself" to have sex can't be good for you or your relationship. You are young enough that there is plenty of time for nature to take its course. You can also think about adopting if you want kids that badly. There are tons of kids, especially older kids, who are desperately in need of safe homes.

Arfie makes a good point - that pregnancy can also be triggering for some people. And kids are definitely triggering! Sooner or later they will trigger the hell out of you. It's best to be prepared with that knowledge and a game plan in advance.

There's no way we would get results with 'the normal course fo things.' Once every couple of months just isn't going to do it. The thought of adoption has run through my mind. I just think adopting so that I don't have to have sex with my husband is going to be a hard sell. Lol.

Really at first this trying thing seemed really good for our relationship. We actually started being intimate once in a while. I think a lot of the issue was his attitude this morning. Like, it's a trying day so I'm going to start trying to get you in the mood now even though you are clearly not feeling well. The pressure, the... entitlement. I don't know. I wanted to throw up, and I couldn't get myself to say anything to him because of this stupid mental block I have about it.

I have no advice, but I do have friends who went through it. It's very hard on marriages. I know marriages that made it, and ones that didn't.

A friend told me that she made shopping lists in her head more than a few times during the "act". She felt bad for her husband, because he actually had to "preform" and it was difficult for him too.

I think when you are not in that situation, at some neutral time, you need to spell it out very clearly for your husband what your boundaries are, what YOUR entitlements are (for example, being entitled to boundaries around your sexuality), and how his behavior can make you feel.

You need to agree on a signal or expression you can use that lets him know in no uncertain terms that sex it is not a possibility at that time and he should not pursue it. Like the whole "safe word" concept. You need a way to say "no" that gets around your mental block - and he needs to respect that.

I'm so sorry for your situation. I was molested by two family members and raped by a family friend and the teenager next door, all under the age of 12. The memories haven't come all at once. The worse ones have come more recently. It sucks! Marriage life is rough with our backgrounds. I love donnawanda's idea to have a 'safe word'. I've been married for 26 years and my husband is very understanding. I have had moments when my body language was saying no, and he knew it, but he was convicted he could get me 'in the mood'. At that time I felt like I didn't have a voice to say no. I was still in the victim mentality. When I explained that to him more than a year later he was mortified that what he thought was 'getting me in the mood' was really stripping me of my right to say no, even if it was nonverbal. Through the years I have learned to separate my husband from the men who hurt me. It takes a lot of trust on my part, and accepting the fact that when he does something that is hurtful that he is human. My struggle is letting him know he hurt me and not let it fester to the point that I rebuild a wall I worked so hard to break down between us. If your husband is interested there is a book that talks about being married to a woman who has been sexually abused. Sorry this is so long. Hope some of it is helpful.
Sincerely, Coffeelover