Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
For anyone who doesn't already know, I'm 61. Since 1980, I've either been a teacher or a hospital chaplain for 39 years now. After this school year 2019-2020 and then just one more year 2020-2021, I'm planning to retire to Mexico, where I grew up as a kid. At my community college I have tenure. I teach Spanish from my growing up as a missionary kid in Mexico half time, while from my hospital chaplaincy I went into from being raised a missionary kid I teach nursing students half time.
I've let my boss at my workplace know my 2021 retirement plans, even as I've worked hard to make sure she doesn't think I'm coasting lazily to the finish line. I still work hard at teaching, even with my PTSD diagnosis since 1995 and my kidney disease diagnosis since 2011 (I lost 60% kidney function and only have 40% kidney function left). Nonetheless, I don't just teach old lesson plans over and over. I always try to update my lesson plans every day with new Youtube videos and Powerpoints that appeal by computer in class to today's students.
However, this year my community college adopted a new "Learning Management System" called "Brightspace." It replaced "Blackboard," the "Learning Management System" we had for my 8 years with the college. Others go by names like "Canvass" or "Moodle," so if you haven't heard of either Blackboard nor Brightspace, perhaps you've heard of one of those.
For the past 8 years, using "Blackboard" was optional, whereas now using "Brightspace" is mandatory. I'm friends with one of the computer techs at my community college, so through him I've been trying to stay current. Today my boss came to me face to face to tell me, though, that I'm not keeping up with putting my Spanish and nursing class items up on "Brightspace." She's really frustrated with me. I've been giving handouts, syllabi, and exercises to my students directly in class face to face or via emails from me to them instead, like I've always done since I started teaching back before the Internet in 1980.
Giving my class materials out to my students face to face in class or via email is not acceptable this year. Course materials like handouts and so forth must now be supplied to students only via this new "Brightspace" web site. My boss just told me that if I give my student their course syllabus or a handout directly in class or via email, I'm "non-compliant" with "Brightspace." My boss told me that therefore I am not "compliant" with the new requirements for my job.
I feel really bad about being told I'm not compliant with doing my job. Since 1980 I've always done whatever it takes to be what I consider to be a good worker. Now I find out that the goalposts at work have been moved on me, so to speak, and here in the very next to last year of my career.
My boss told me today that she's going to have a meeting with me on Monday to set things straight. The meeting on Monday will be attended by her, by our community college's head of computer technology, our community college's deputy head of computer technology, and by the community college's technical support staffer who has been trying to help me this semester.
It seems to me that I'll outnumbered in this Monday meeting. My community college has no union that could represent me, either. Apparently, I'll be on my own. I found today's meeting one on one with my boss stressful. Monday's meeting looks like it will be four on one, so anticipating it is becoming even more stressful for me.
My "fight or flight" PTSD response to this conflict is "flight." I wish I could choose "flight" and retire now. However, I have to work at least until July of 2021 in order to complete the 10 years of service required to be "vested" in my state pension plan. So July of 2021 is the earliest retirement date possible for me.
How do I manage my PTSD with this stress today and stress upcoming Monday? Suggestions and support welcome.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Keep posting here whenever the anxiety spikes this weekend. So that you kind of clean the mental palette to return to non work tasks.
On monday, maybe engage in more listening then talking, as it is always better when less is more when dealing with people who are interested in creating confrontation. Its hard to be confrontational with someone who is listening. And count to five before any verbal response to them as it gives you a calmer appearance, and allows you to subconsciously consider if you truly want say what you are thinking of saying. Less is more for you and less for them to turn into continued confrontation. This is a good tactic with superiors in the work place who may be more interested in flexing their muscles then in the actual situation being used to create the conflict.
Triple hugs of support muji. You can do this. You have wisdom of your tenure experiences and your years of student interaction on your side, to ground you in confidence. You know what you are doing as a teacher, and its important to remember that this is just office politics and not a reflection of you abilities as a teacher.
You are awesome. Dont forget that when anxiety strikes. Remember to breathe and trust your instincts.
I would state depending on how THEY present themselves that a New system has been put in place that we should be taught with patience how to use and if your boss is addressing you in a frustrated way then I don't think that SHE's doing her job by making your uncomfortable.....
She being the head of a department should be very approachable and she's not
You should be able to work together in a fashion that you all feel comfortable working out any problems that arise
If you think that this may be a BS session..... I would inform them that you're going to obtain legal council
Huge hug my friend...… You are awesome and don't you let her diminish you in any way
It's THEIR's to own if they haven't spent the time needed to teach their teachers a new system and be open for extra time and questions whenever needed
You've proven yourself over years of being a wonderful teacher …..
Deep breaths..... If you don't have anything prescribed for sleep can you take Melatonin?.... That's a naturally in our bodies and it can really help with sleep?.....
I think it's important for you to get some good rest this weekend..... Maybe get out for lunch with your neighbours
Another hug and a blessing....xo
As for support over the weekend, I speak at a church on Sunday, so that's going to be a good self esteem builder from elsewhere other than my workplace. Those church folks know me from speaking there once a month for 8 years now, so there's respect built up there to counter any sense I lack it at work.
As for what Ev's saying about getting some more background on Brightspace for that meeting on Monday, that tech fellow I mentioned who has helped me as best he's been able to on Brightspace is a member of that church. So over the weekend when I see him there Sunday I can enlist him in helping me further when that meeting my boss wants to take place happens on Monday.
Finally, your calm replies helped me plot out a worst case scenario that would actually be kind of nice. What if somehow this is how and when I retire to Mexico? I've been eagerly looking forward to that for the summer of 2021, but if I were "put out to pasture," so to speak, over this, it wouldn't be the end of the world, really. It would be the beginning of my life I've been eagerly anticipating starting up on my several visits to Mexico this year. It could be kind of like in the story of Br'er Rabbit when he begs Br'er Fox not to throw him in the briar patch. Br'er Fox actually only to find that's home to Br'er Rabbit, like how I grew up in Mexico as a kid and am anxious to get back there for my golden years. :-)
I would suggest recording the meeting if possible, just in case. You could always contact a national teachers union program/group for more info too. You have a good plan.
Everyone above wrote really good responses ^ they probably said it better than I can tonight with my fibro fog & dissociation it’s hard to write the words I want
I’m sorry this boss gives you so much trouble, please always remember you are amazing
& btw whenever you finally retire, I don’t care how much pain I’m in that day, I’m gonna get up & do a happy dance!!! lol :)
You got this Mujica & you also got us in your back pocket rooting for you each day
Sending support & gentlest of hugs mi amigo <3
The readings gave us basis for the what not to do and the language to use to be effective, when the role playing enforcing practice was done.
Ex. What do you say to a grieving wife immediately after her husband has passed.
There are many was that language and physical interaction can help or hurt. Defining the practice is so important in these times.
Yes to a gentle hand upon theirs and simple words "I'm so sorry."
Whereas a must give engulfing hug and "You must be thankful now that he is in a better place and not in pain", when she barely has grasped the loss negating her sorrow with a statement she should be happy. Also in that moment the hug seems like an invasion of space that she may not be ready for, while a light arm from the side around her shoulders is not.
Gentle hugs. J
Hugs think of the ways that this will save you time to concentrate on the real meaning of taking the course to affect thier career in what ever field they take on.
To answer Strength's question, they did it without any training on it. During my summer in Mexico our college's cybersecurity policy blocked access from there, so I couldn't do anything at all until August.
Thanks for all of the support so I don't feel just ganged up on or bullied. I want the feedback I give to show I'm on point about getting the new system to actually work in the real classroom. It's good advice for me to prepare some ideas for just that.
Tuesdays are my heaviest teaching day at my community college, and she agreed last Thursday not to try to set her meeting for me on a Tuesday. So I get to bed tonight peacefully thinking about teaching tomorrow, which I enjoy. Her meeting will be Wednesday or later.
Thanks a million for the support. It's really getting me through this. My PTSD was triggered by it yesterday, but your support settled me down today and I'm feeling more positive tonight than I was last night. My gratitude goes out to everybody for that, one and all, truly.