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Trophy babies are, without even a close second, they toughest part of my own family dysfunction cycles as well as my community service. What I am calling, "Trophy Babies" fall into three groups:
1) Children who are being used as trump cards in domestic disputes.
2) Children born in order to obtain government handouts.
3) Inter-ethnicity children born to prove what a free thinker the parent(s) is (are).
I am still far too emotional for clarity, but I am currently processing my belief that my grandson has officially graduated to trophy baby. Maybe just flashbacks to when I have done this dance with sisters and nieces. I have yet to see men play this game, so for now I am keeping it sexist.
Had a long chat with my most beloved sister this morning. She, too, has done this dance with quite a few of the 6 sisters and their nieces. Her experience with family version of this dance far exceeds mine. She isn't much on community service, and cannot even conceive of visiting a culture that doesn't speak English, so I got her beat on the global view of it.
The question which came up between us this morning is, "Does the child benefit from forging unsustainable bonds?" Yes, the child knows that their housing project madness is not all there is to the world, but. . . They also suffer feelings of loss and betrayal.
My sister is heartbroken that my grandson has been snatched away from me. She wants me to counter and . . . You know the dance. . . I even have the credit rating for lawyers. Not too sure lawyers are worth the debt in the best of situations. I can barely stand giving them money, much less credit. . . You are far more likely to find me in a medical park than a courthouse.
I am not feeling right about setting my grandson up for another round of crying at Mama's knees while she asserts her superiority. Mama wins. That is all. Go Mama.
Thoughts? Opines?
P.S. When I am deeply hurt, tears show far too much vulnerability for my warrior nature. It takes me a while to calm down enough to achieve the cleansing relief of tears. I was finally able to cry for the loss of my grandson this morning. Love hurts.
1) Children who are being used as trump cards in domestic disputes.
2) Children born in order to obtain government handouts.
3) Inter-ethnicity children born to prove what a free thinker the parent(s) is (are).
I am still far too emotional for clarity, but I am currently processing my belief that my grandson has officially graduated to trophy baby. Maybe just flashbacks to when I have done this dance with sisters and nieces. I have yet to see men play this game, so for now I am keeping it sexist.
Had a long chat with my most beloved sister this morning. She, too, has done this dance with quite a few of the 6 sisters and their nieces. Her experience with family version of this dance far exceeds mine. She isn't much on community service, and cannot even conceive of visiting a culture that doesn't speak English, so I got her beat on the global view of it.
The question which came up between us this morning is, "Does the child benefit from forging unsustainable bonds?" Yes, the child knows that their housing project madness is not all there is to the world, but. . . They also suffer feelings of loss and betrayal.
My sister is heartbroken that my grandson has been snatched away from me. She wants me to counter and . . . You know the dance. . . I even have the credit rating for lawyers. Not too sure lawyers are worth the debt in the best of situations. I can barely stand giving them money, much less credit. . . You are far more likely to find me in a medical park than a courthouse.
I am not feeling right about setting my grandson up for another round of crying at Mama's knees while she asserts her superiority. Mama wins. That is all. Go Mama.
Thoughts? Opines?
P.S. When I am deeply hurt, tears show far too much vulnerability for my warrior nature. It takes me a while to calm down enough to achieve the cleansing relief of tears. I was finally able to cry for the loss of my grandson this morning. Love hurts.
Perhaps someone should point out that if Mama 'wins"----someone is losing. And it's not the combatants. It's the child, IMO.
Gentlest support, and purring shoulder to lean on if you need it. I wish I had a solution or a suggestion.
But are there such things as non-abusive parents?
I got an apartment in the top floor of a house at the end of the street. The Elementary School grounds were actually part of our yard. They even had daycare. I thought God had dropped me here and blessed me beyond comprehension.
The night before the hearing, I was to meet with the lawyer. My whole life was on the line here. An hour went by and no lawyer. I called him and he said, I should be there in 45 minutes to an hour. So 2 hours late, he finally shows. I asked him why he was late. "Oh, I had friends in from out of town and we were having dinner." Why I am not in jail now for that one is a miracle.
So the court date came and I was given the usual, EO weekend and one night during the week. Talk about crushed. I guess that was the internship for what I am going through now. I have had a lot of internships in my life. I think I have had enough of internships.
Artie, it hurts like hell, but you can only do what you can do. We can't cure the world. Let's you and me just take care of ourselves for a change. Now that's a new concept.
Much support coming your way and I can assure you that I shed many tears which I rarely do. I am tough on the outside but a much ball on the inside.