Yeah, ouch, arfie. So as to keep going I often put items on a list of questions I hope to ask the Almighty in the hereafter, and one of them is why, after all of the trauma you overcame in life beforehand, you lost your youngest son, too. Sending you my support for this third time around without him with a big hug, mi amiga.

thank you, muji. support appreciated.

i try to let that mystery be, muji. if i am meant to know, i will know at godspeed.

for now, ya got me singing along with kris kristofferson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWYdbAjAoFo

why not me?

(((((Oh Arfie)))))
Here with you holding your hand
Sending so much support
Gentlest of gentlest hugs <3

Huge hug Arf.... I have a lot of questions as well.... I'm hoping that they will be answered just by entering a remarkable new home

I am so sorry to know how much pain you're in sweetie..... Another huge hug of comfort and peace.... xo

thank you, guys. support appreciated.

it be the day after now. the subject of daddy's birthday never came up over the busy, fun-filled weekend. my psycho sense says daddy approves. his wife was a stay-at-home mom whose social anxiety was far too intense to permit social development of her children. both elder children had friends over this weekend. methinks i hear him whispering that was precisely the birthday present he wanted this year. he loved his babies far more than he loved himself.

I missed you for a day, but just wanted you to know we're still with you in the day after stuff with this anniversary, too. Sending you today's support supply, arfie.

Hope you're doing ok in the aftermath trauma anniversary days now, arfie. Sometimes there's a thud for me on the day itself, and then an echo for day after day afterwards. Sending you today's support.

methinks it's holding steady, muji. this time the aftermath has me fissuring off into the "dual grieving" which started when i saw my estranged son at his younger brother's funeral. as he and i studiously ignored one another, my grief for the son who was in the coffin met with the grief over the estrangement and? ? ? i haven't been able to shake the question, "which of my sons died first?"

yes, esldest son is still breathing, but i have been honoring his request for increased social distances for longer than his younger brother has been in his grave. how many years longer depends on which yardstick we choose to use.

sigh. . .

the good news is that spring fever is springing all over the farm and the gardening frenzy is providing loads of meditative distraction.

Ouch, overlapping grief at a time like that. I can only imagine. Sigh indeed, arfie.

It makes a difference all the more to embrace the good news that spring has sprung so as to offer good distractions all around.

amen

Amen, for sure, arfie. Prayers ongoing through the weekend now.