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I caught myself with a new(?) anxiety tick during this go round. Maybe I have been doing it all along and only the awareness is new. I call it an anxiety tick because I have been noticing it during the intensely anxious moments of all the family drama that has been blowing through the homestead in recent months. The tick is rubbing my toes on the calf of the opposing leg while I am working to keep my mouth shut. I shift from leg to leg so that both sets of toes receive equal attention. ?WTF?
My theory of the morning:
In May 1995, I retired from commercial HVAC installation to begin my "Not Working" career, aka: Housewife. To my tortured senses, "Not Working" is the hardest job I have ever attempted. Taking charge of a constructo crew whose members I can fire and evict from my job site felt like a carnival ride next to coordinating the business of people I am sure I want in my life. Can I go mind my own business now?
By the time I retired, I was having serious doubt about the effectiveness of "Steel-toed Mamas" In the U.S., commercial construction regs require us to wear steel toed foot gear. The transition between constructo crew chief to mother was. . . Ouchy.
Theory summation:
"I am trying to rub off the steel toes."
Thoughts, opines or tick theories of your own welcome. Open discussion. No such thing as "Off Topic" on this one.
My theory of the morning:
In May 1995, I retired from commercial HVAC installation to begin my "Not Working" career, aka: Housewife. To my tortured senses, "Not Working" is the hardest job I have ever attempted. Taking charge of a constructo crew whose members I can fire and evict from my job site felt like a carnival ride next to coordinating the business of people I am sure I want in my life. Can I go mind my own business now?
By the time I retired, I was having serious doubt about the effectiveness of "Steel-toed Mamas" In the U.S., commercial construction regs require us to wear steel toed foot gear. The transition between constructo crew chief to mother was. . . Ouchy.
Theory summation:
"I am trying to rub off the steel toes."
Thoughts, opines or tick theories of your own welcome. Open discussion. No such thing as "Off Topic" on this one.
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Lately I've been feeling scared and full of anxiety. I recently found a lump under my nipple. I hurt my back too. I'm in the process of moving. I'm run down. Everything is hard
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
I think we PTSDers may notice others' tics and our own more b/c we're so hypervigilant for "signals"?
Awareness of our own tics is one of the subjects we studied in one of my VA ACT workshops. One of the attendees was an avid poker player. His commentary ran to the line of, "You mean this study is good for something other than grooming a good Poker Face?"
It lead to surprising places when we followed our own, personal tics inward.
Handy for knowing when an opponent is bluffing, too. Insert Kenny Rogers song here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj4nJ1YEAp4
And then I had to come home and be Mommy to growing sons. I think I needed a longer commute for the daily transition.
My steel-toed mama boots ain't the ones Charlie's Angels wore. . .
Strictly personal. Just a theory. A one-size-fits-all theory is equally valid.