Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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Thick or thin, better or worse, families are a good example of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. Ditto for governments/citizens, corporations/employees, Armies/soldiers, causes/volunteers, etcetera, etceteri. Even when I have been voted down or don't get a vote at all, I remain a part of the whole.
The first "whole" I was a member of was my highly dysfunctional birth family. I haven't been able to stay true to a "whole" since. Even with the family I am now Grammy to, I stand ready to be shipped to The Toxic People dump at the drop of a faux pas. Other times I think I'll just ship them off. This fear of being trapped in a "whole" I can't tolerate has me afraid to join anything. It is, I only believe, the heart and soul of my isolating habits.
For the most part, I enjoy my isolating habits and earnestly believe I make good use of my time alone, but. . . sure are allot of cracks in the coping mechanism.
Old news here. Old enough to have worked its way past my help seeking denial to letting it be a low-priority symptom. Just wondering if I should take another look.
Just wondering. . .
The first "whole" I was a member of was my highly dysfunctional birth family. I haven't been able to stay true to a "whole" since. Even with the family I am now Grammy to, I stand ready to be shipped to The Toxic People dump at the drop of a faux pas. Other times I think I'll just ship them off. This fear of being trapped in a "whole" I can't tolerate has me afraid to join anything. It is, I only believe, the heart and soul of my isolating habits.
For the most part, I enjoy my isolating habits and earnestly believe I make good use of my time alone, but. . . sure are allot of cracks in the coping mechanism.
Old news here. Old enough to have worked its way past my help seeking denial to letting it be a low-priority symptom. Just wondering if I should take another look.
Just wondering. . .
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
I was part of some pretty dysfunctional wholes when I was younger, and now I am more selective. Ensuring I am part of the right wholes means I am no longer alone; I have friends and family (as few as they may be) that I know I could call at 2AM, wake up, and still have them be there for me tomorrow.
I'm not sure being part of a "whole" is a problem, so long as the "whole" you are a part of is a healthy one.
I think having control over who becomes part of the "whole" may make an impact on how comfortable/safe you feel in it.
I think there is a difference between avoidance/denial and the active choice not to be part of a group. For years I avoided contact with my mother because of the issue of my childhood/ teen years. A few years ago I followed my psychiatrist's recommendation that I talk to my mother directly. I did have a conversation with her in which she denied everything. She was in such denial that she talked to one of my brothers about what I said and he used the exact same examples of her hitting me that I had used. Since there was no way to reconcile the past because she denied it all I made the active choice to not involve myself in any family function my mother attends. This means that I don't really have contact with my siblings. However they aren't breaking down my door to visit me either.
So like Alice said, I choose my whole now. I've always said my friends are my chosen family. The few that have stuck with me I call my brothers.
As an example if we lie or cheat there's an inner voice that's lets us know it's wrong even if we choose to do it anyway... I think the same goes with a living situation
Is this whole right for me... I'm a loner as well for the most part... My family consists of my pooch, cat and landlord/roomie who lives on the next floor and is also now my family... So my whole is something that I've constructed AND it feels right most of the time... I feel at peace..
.I'm now pretty much estranged from my brother who's my only family left and thus his children ... I see his kids every few years....
I do wish things were different with my brother though... We've both done things that has brought the relationship to an end... I had to own what I've done to hurt it and I have
Does your 'whole' feel right to you Arf?.... Big hug...x
I don't know anyone who will argue that I am clearly on the problem-side of the loner tendency. I call myself, "A fringe dweller." Even my husband and sons are never sure I will be here when they come looking for me. The closest I have ever maintained to willing membership in a group is an international party network. Just leave 'em laughing when you go. Don't bother to call 'em for the hard times.
No, I do not believe being part of a "whole" is a bad thing. In fact, think the human species is even hard-wired for it. It is our nature to belong to a pack. I feel the dangling wires on a regular basis. Some times I think those dangling wires are too damaged to re-connect.
And I does love my quiet productivity.
A wise man from back home in Uruguay who was a famous defense attorney once told me it's great to belong to a group, but never to hold the group's ideal any higher than the shortest person in the group.
Maybe it is time for me to read, "The Prodigal Son" again. Somebody stole my copy. Well. . . Not exactly "Stole." My library is a free-take shelf. If you made it through my front door, you will be welcome to carry out whatever books interest you. I might have to buy 2 or 3 copies this time. That particular book might be the most rapid-cycler on the shelf.
In this particular book (very small), the author is engaging in a life-long love affair with the Rembrandt painting of the same name. http://www.rembrandtpainting.net/prodigal_son/murillo.jpg . Over the course of the love affair with the painting, he puts himself in the role of every character in the painting. Each time I have read the book, I sometimes think I have glimmers of an understanding I can call my own. Just glimmers. . . Gossamer lights, at best.