Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

10,128 Members
27,617 Posts
0 Online
Anxiety Disorders
/ Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

The past

onlyup
onlyup
So my man is in a couple of bands and I go with him to all his gigs. I love their music and dancing. I also help set up and take down the stage and sound. Yesterday I get a call about someone that wants to hire them. So I was setting up everything and realize its to a place that I used to go to all the time with my ex husband and the girl I was talking to was one of the many women who would get drunk and slip her tounge down his throat. I would get upset and he would laugh it off saying its just the moose everyone does it and not to freak out. This whole group of women from this moose would threaten me everytime I went in that they would kick my a... if I ever hurt him because he is such a nice guy. So I set up the gig very professionally get off the phone and all these memories start flashing in my head, talk about anxiety, Ithink ishouveld all the weeeds in my back yard with a vengence and they were done quick. My man comes home and I tell him about the gig and that he had already talked to them about the gig they were just confirming . He knew about all my stress there and that he should of let me know ahead of time instesd of being surprised. Yes I took it out on him. No yelling but total confusion. So now I am debating if I will go to this gig. Show that I am not afraid of people harassing and that I am doing just fine or stay home and picture all these women trying to pick up on my man because thats what they do. Now I know he will not do anything for sure but just the thought is overwhelming. My ex husband for sure will be there and he is such a spiteful man game playing man and I am sure he will rub in how happy he is even though I know for a fact he cant keep a woman. he will be making out with everyone, I would not be jealous but it would hurt because of disrespect and game playing any ideas, besides mine of dressing up as the grim reaper since it is a Halloween party...lol. Any ideas
deleted_user
deleted_user
Why put yourself in that situation? Life is to short to knowingly subject yourself to BS. I'm not saying run from your anxieties, but this is a been there, done that, don't need to do it again sort of situation. I say move on...
onlyup
onlyup
Thank you for your reply.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am sorry for what you are going through. You are in a bind. If you don't go, your imagination will get the best of you, and if you go, you will be stressed too. It is up to you whether you go or not, but whatever you decide, don't beat yourself up. These women and your ex sound like fools. If you go, make sure you leave if things get too frightening. That is called looking after yourself, not runniIng away. If people start to bother you, just shake your head and walk away.
I don't mean to be judgmental, but Dr. Phil would tell your husband he was being insensitive laughing about women sticking their tongues down his throat. It is not funny, nothing to laugh at. He'd probably get really upset if men did that to you. If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it is probably a duck. If it looks inappropriate and feels it is inappropriate, it is likely inappropriate. Those lips are meant for your lips only.
onlyup
onlyup
I agree thats why he is my ex-husband.And the last few times I was there I confronted them all. And said that I dd not deserve what they are doing and will not accept it. And surprisingly they all backed down and actually apologized. But when the call came in all the anxiety and memories came back.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Empower yourself. Use key words. "Enough." How does that sound?
"You don't stick your tongue down my husband's throat. Grow up."
nelliefay
nelliefay
Hey onlyup, if I were you, I wouldn't go there. You've got nothing to prove, and you already did some confronting. why not be kind to yourself?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow...that's a tough one. I would want to make a new memory, but I think I side with those who would not go. No reason to put yourself through it. Things like that I ask myself what would I hope for a friend and I think I would go with a friend to a movie and dinner that night or some other thing that is fun but w/o the issues. Maybe invite a couple of friends over for a movie at home. IDK, just think to go is more stress than any benefit that would come of it. Betty Hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
I guess I have to respectfully disagree with those who say not to go. I say, face your fears. You probably have more guts than anyone. I say, go and tell these barflies to keep their tongues out of your hubby's throat, and if they threaten you, call the cops.
Your husband needs to grow some balls and support you. There is not ifs, ands or buts about it.
onlyup
onlyup
Thank you all for your replies. He is my exhusband and will be there also. I confronted the situationnaaathats why he is gone.Just had some memories fly through my brain that effected me. I have some time atleast to figure out what I want to do.Actually I will wait til the day and see what frame of mind I am in. I will have the band and band wives with me if I decide to go.