Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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The Fight of My Life

Preciousbabygirl
Preciousbabygirl

I have to fight the courts and my pathetic excuse for an ex husband for the kids. I went to court today and about collapsed when I saw him. After all the trauma that he caused it doesn't do me good to see him! I'm still waiting for him to fulfill all the threats that he's made. I keep wondering if he's blowing smoke at me or if he's just waiting for the opportunity. He both requested representation and the kids are required to be there. They have a guardian ad leitem so I'm not super worried. The kids are old enough now to decide where they want to be and neither one of them want to be with him. He has requested that he be allowed to attend the last 10 minutes of court because it "doesn't apply to him". I have been having flashbacks all afternoon about what he did to me and it SUCKS!!! Both of the kids are a product of rape and that jackass is the father. I keep seeing it..... all of it!! I'm trying to remind myself that it's in the past but holy crap!! I can feel it all over my body and I just want to puke! My nerves are absolutely shot and I don't know what to do. I think what I'm going to do is force myself to eat dinner and drink something besides water and then find a way to make myself relax. I have to find a way to make my head, heart and body stop going over everything he did to me for the 3 years we were together. I think in that time we had consensual sex twice, all the other times he raped me. How do you get that out of your head?? How do you make your heart forget??

Doo
Doo
((hugs)) Trying to relax is a good idea. I have no advice, but I am listening.
Preciousbabygirl
Preciousbabygirl
Thanks Doo! Sometimes I wonder why I have to go through all of this crap but I can't go there because I'll just drive myself crazy.
LillyPotter
LillyPotter
i am listening too, Precious. trying to relax sounds like the best idea. tell yourself calm things, safe things, quiet things. that is what i have been doing and it is helping me to calm down. it really works. only tell yourself calm things. hugs
Rizen
Rizen
You can do it. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
mlr0853
mlr0853
good to not ask 'why'...no explaination. hope you'll keep positive thoughts of kids 'having choice' and are protected. can you try to meditate to ground yourself...utube...sleeping music to relax....don't know what I'd do without it! prayer to you all for a good outcome.
patti22
patti22
Supportive hugs.
Pag.mars
Pag.mars
I know what you mean. It hurts, I know. Things to help yourself relax: drink tea, breathing/meditation exercises online, writing out everything you feel maybe in a journal I think would help the most right now. Sometimes you just can't push away how you feel even by trying to relax, I think this is one of those times, right? Just breathe. Let yourself feel whatever, but write it out, beat up a pillow, cry, whatever you need to do to let it out, don't let it sit in you and rot. Let it go.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
presh, keep staying strong and coming back to us for support every day to get through this. This is hard but it's worth it for your kids. You're not alone, we support you.
Preciousbabygirl
Preciousbabygirl
I'm doing okay right now, just super tense in my back and shoulders. My Dr. gave me a pain pill that I don't think I'm going to take and a muscle relaxer to take every night for the next week. I'm doing everything I can to relax and take it easy. I want to thank all of you for the support!! That is greatly needed at this time!!
livebrilliantly
livebrilliantly
I"m so sorry you're going through this. I do know how you feel though. Repeat this to yourself EVERY DAY or write it in a journal..... "I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO HURT ME EVER AGAIN! I AM A SURVIVOR! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO!!" Give yourself strength and pray. Talk to someone who motivates you in a positive way and helps you remember that you do not have to put up with nonsense or drama or stress at all. You have the God given right to say "NO" !! Best wishes to you and keep your head up. You survived and will continue to get through it. :-)
brokenlady47
brokenlady47
Awwww Presh my son is a product of marital rape too. My ex-husband his father was a complete arsehole like yours. It did my head in too to have to see him at court. So I know a little of what you're going through. What happened in my case was that the guardian ad litem saw through my ex's bullcrap and refused to allow him unsupervised contact because he was always drunk and abusive. He saw our son a handful of times at the contact centre and the last time he went the staff wouldn't let him see our son at all because they could see and smell he had been drinking. A week later my lawyer got a letter from his lawyer saying he was no longer going to pursue contact with our son because he couldn't afford the gas money to drive down every week (he lived up North, we are near London). Of course me and my lawyer both knew it was a phoney excuse. But nevertheless the relief I felt at him getting out of our lives was palpable.

What I'm trying to say is it worked out for me and it may yet work out for you in a similar way. There is a light at the end of the tunnel darling. Just hang on and see the process through. And do nice things for yourself, you're an awesome human being.

((((((((hugs for you and your kids))))))))))

love Manda xxx
Preciousbabygirl
Preciousbabygirl
Thanks Manda!! I know it'll work out! My kids are almost 14 and 15. They have a say in what they want and don't want. I know things are going to work out just fine!!

I'm really sorry we have so much in common! I wouldn't wish what I've been through on anyone!
brokenlady47
brokenlady47
I'm glad the kids are older and know their own minds and what they want to happen will matter in the final decision. It's just so bloody stressful isn't it Presh? The fact that this bastard really hurt you and your kids (even if he didn't touch them kids growing up witnessing domestic violence are indirect victims of it too) is bad enough and then he wants to punish you and degrade you further by dragging it all through the family court seems like further insult and injury. I felt re-traumatised all over again. So I know where you're at with it sweets. Yes it's awful we do have so much in common but you know I believe we meet people for a reason whether in real life or online. And that reason is to help each other recover and grow. I agree with you that I wouldn't wish this on anyone not even my worse enemy. Bu you will survive it as will your kids!!!! A happy life is waiting for all of you. I can feel it in my bones!!! :-)

hugs

Manda xx
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you and a blessing sweetie...xo
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