I am in the middle of treatment for trauma. Have my wonderful trauma therapist, and now also psychiatric nurse. I have only seen the nurse guy 2x and we don't know ea other yet. I hate the get to know me time frame with ea new doc. I hope I can stay with these guys thru the end of this nightmare..... So I have many other complicating illnesses physically which are making medications hard to find not to mention my incredible sensitive body to any & all meds. I tried the neurontin & zoloft, cuz he wants me off the xanax even tho the xanax is what has been working. I have hyperalgesia, or fibro, or my injured spine is causing this symptom. I can't be touched lightly without my whole nervous system freeking out. They want to blame it all on my long term narcotic use, as a kid the pot to deal with the PTSD and now after 20 yrs sobriety but with history of severe chronic pain and 8 yrs at least now medicated daily for that pain. I know I had this symptom before the chronic pain set in or any of the chronic pain med use.... but what's really on my mind today is my body's reaction to the PTSD episodes I have mostly in middle of night when alone, but can & do have during day when over stressed or the right trigger is there. Last night I turned on HULU Tv to watch a show called prisoners of war. It triggered an hour of emotional mess but I came to a question... what triggered me was the realization ( I am a denial person to survive) I do have this damn thing they call PTSD, and the on the show, when the POW came back, he was attempting to make love to his wife after 17 yrs of being gone & tortured... each time he felt pleasure with her it triggered his tourture memories.... that made me think about myself and my history... we all react differently, yet we all react normally and this thing we are experiencing is real.... What if that's why I havent been able to hold on to the good things in my life?`Has my brain got it all twisted up and everytime I feel love or pleasure in life it is triggering pain and I must get away from it else die or go insane?? I hope this is making some sense to someone.... If so.. how the heck do we turn that around after 50 yrs of being this way? I want the last of my lifetime to be full of pleasures yet I am stuck in the middle of therapy for a disease I don't understand enough to help myself get more well. The meds I just tried were neurontin & zoloft, side effects so bsd and comlicated a digestive disease & heart issue (PSVT) which they seem to think is also related to the being in fight/flight all my life with this PTSD I refused to believe I had until the symptoms got so bad it was undeniable 2yrs ago....... My body was all shaky today after the episode last 2-3 nights in a row..... What a mess. Is the a book out yet PTSD for Dummies??