I'm sorry you are hurting so much. Hugs to you and the young boy within you who felt he didn't deserve the attention even when sick. Now the heat in your leg makes so much sense to me. Your young inner child is pissed and has every right to be. A parents job is to protect us and take care of us not vie for attention and step all over the child in order to win it. And the fact it is the same leg seals the deal for me.

To your inner child I say this "Muji is your parent now and he is doing a great job taking care of you and making sure you get the attention you need and deserve. He feels your anger and is doing his best to express it for you. If you are angry at your Mom then be angry at her. You are allowed and no harm will come to you for it."


As for sick days...i always felt bad taking them. We didnt get attention unless we were sick or dying but take a sick day from work and you were weak. Go figure.

i'm gonna share some of my story so you know where i come from. TW for any who are sensitive to back stories about other's abuse.

i've been fighting the gunk in my sinuses since before x-mas. finally got so bad into my lungs doc took a x-ray. still waiting for the results 5 days later. i'm really weak. caught ourselves saying to hubby just a day ago saying "we're not allowed to be sick" so yeah i get it. i can't count the times my siblings got the health care and i got ignored. if i was lucky i got sent to bed and ignored. i told my husband a while back how i would fall asleep on the bathroom floor after throwing up a lot of times. they'd just leave me there.

it is agonizing to actually let myself be sick. the moment i feel any resistance from others i throw the walls up and bull through it. so yeah i feel the guilt both from the trauma of being punished for being sick as a kid and from the guilt of not being able to get the rest and help i was/am in need of.

as always you are in my thoughts, muji.

I always have a hard time calling out for anything. I had to cancel my physical therapy a couple weeks ago cause I had a killer migraine and couldn't drive and I felt bad like I was letting them down. I broke my leg in 2007 and walked on it for 3 days cause my partner told me to walk it off I was fine. I had to ignore my needs as a kid or get abused while sick so I get that completely. Muji you can feel good about taki g good care of Muji by staying home and off your leg. Ill be praying for you. Hugs my friend and keep up the good work.

Mujiji, So frustrating and painful!!! I fell on my knee on ice in 2012 and it has not stopped hurting yet. It swells up all the time, I have to wear a brace constantly now. It is driving me crazy. Doctors tell me it is nothing and I just need to lose weight. Oh course these doctor's can see I have regular therapy visits in the out patient mental health too. I wonder if it is connected. My new family doctor is trying cortisone shots and taking it slow. I am going to have to insist on a new MRI and get this fixed.

Perhaps some physiotherapy would help with the recovery? I am like you, I hated taking sick days. I always felt that when I was away the troops were not protected because the people who did not care about the soldiers were on the job running amuck and doing half ass jobs so they could save a buck and move up the corporate ladder. Even when I was sick, I monitored my emails, and did work from home, such as answer my phone messages, checking with my crew on the production floor etc. Fat lot of good it did me, in the end, I was disposable and not wanted when I got sick. Drummed out.

Take your sick days and get well. Do not feel guilty. Work will get along without you and in the end, work is not what is important, our health is. Work does not care, you are just a number. Look after yourself first. Put yourself first for a change. Get well my friend.

I have felt guilty taking sick days in the past, too. I had an internship over the summer, and after I completed my required hours for the school they just let me hang back and work the rest of the summer. I wasn't getting paid and wasn't getting class credit but the internship location is where I want to work when I get out of school (and I knew that before interning there).

Towards the end of my time there I panicked when our car got stolen. I asked permission for a half day to go figure out what happened to our second vehicle and be with my husband while he freaked out over our missing car. I spoke to the person in charge and was practically in tears because I missed two days earlier in the summer when one of the people I was working with brought their child into the office with strep-throat for the day (because the child couldn't go to school) and I caught it. I had to miss a day and a half while I got on medicine for the full 24 hours and was so embarrassed and ashamed.

The woman stared at me for a hard minute and then STARTED LAUGHING. She told me that sick days are designed for days that you are sick, and when you miss literally no time (because I only took off what I had to), it's easier for people to understand and accept that when you are not at work you are doing everything you need to get back there (whether it means you are taking time to heal, or ensuring you have adequate transportation).

I feel like this may apply in your situation, Muji. :) If you have not taken a sick day in 2 1/2 years I am confident your boss understands that you taking two sick days in a row is because you need it to heal and get ready to get back to work.

I am sorry your mother had issues that prevented you and your family from seeking medical care. I can guarantee you though that if your personality on sick days is anything like mine, your boss understands you are not just pretending to be sick.

I hope your leg is able to heal quickly and you are able to be back at work soon (but not before you are ready). :)

I've felt sick the last two days too. I may take tomorrow off from work. stomach ache and fever. Not good. Hope you feel better soon.

Oh, I'm so sorry other people here have been through ordeals and worse as to loved ones not supporting them when they were sick. But I'm grateful you shared so I wouldn't feel all alone about having the memory of it in my childhood stirred up in me now as an adult. Funny how these things get ingrained in us, isn't it? But talking about it here and getting validation from you is so liberating. It really frees my energy up from doubting myself out of guilt to just getting better.

Thank you!

My mother used to yell at me that they would fire me for calling off. It's not like I played hooky. I really didn't feel well.

So yes I used to feel guilty. Now I feel scared if I am in a full blown trigger.

Sign me up for the Guilt Train on this issue. I was running a 101-102 F fever thi spast Friday and even with a doc telling me "lie down and stay there!".... I got up and tidied the house per usual and cooked meals and .... Lest the Punishment For Inadequacy descend upon me. From whom or from where, I don't know, but I do know that if I take a day off? NOpe nope nope nope nope. Not allowed here, either. Not as a kid, and not by myself now. *sigh*

Big soft supportive purrrrrrrs of healing to you.

Hugs Muji, yes I am on the guilt train too. I broke my arm as a child, I remember falling and my wrist crack, but you know I had so much fear, that it overwhelmed the pain!!! Years later as an adult I told my therapist that breaking my arm "Must" have hurt...duh..but I walked with a bent wrist into the house, silent as a mouse, sat down silent, holding back tears, pain, emotion...the consequences of my fear of my mother outweighed my own pain. Finally my dad asked me if I was ok...I nodded yes...silent...more time I did not move...again he came over to me, saw my arm bent and reached out and asked" What is wrong with your arm"...almost touching it, but my mother was nearby...finally I broke down in tears, pain, pleading for him to not touch my arm. He took me to the hospital, surgery, cast.....if I was alone with my mother I don't know what would have happened. On another note, when I moved and interviewed for a job, I had many hundreds of un-used sick time hours that I believe helped me get the job, the boss felt I was reliable. Hugs and Supoort, you are not alone! Prayers your pain eases Muji

Huge hug for you Muji... It 'sounds' so very painful and I am so glad that you are taking care of you... This could come back to bite you in the future if you don't take care of it ... As CC wrote she's still hurting from an injury quite a while ago

Pain is an important thing to listen to and hear

I'm so sorry that taking care of yourself has to be an added burden due to being hurt so badly as a child... It's sure not hard to instill that nasty guilt into our minds... Sometimes I feel as though guilt is my one constant companion.... Another hug and a blessing....xo

Muji I am so sorry for the continued pain. But not sorry that you like anyone else that needed to rest a torn muscle, chooses to do it for the comfort and safety. That muscle turned the wrong way in a small slip, could give out and be damaged more, or damage some other part of you.
I know you don't want that, been there done that.
If any of your colleagues ask if you need anything, tell them yes, company. Bring a deck of cards.

Hugs of support, distance is a pain in the arse.
J
Hugs and support.

please dont feel guilty. your intiled to days off. every has them at some point. you being injured wasnt your fault and having to have days off isnt your fault. take it easy on yourself. sorry about how your mum used to be and the memories this injury has brought on.hugs.