I'm sorry you feel so bad. Are you taking any thing for depression? When I first started getting memories of incest I went into clinical depression and I didn't believe there was anything but the black hole I was in. I thought the entire world hated me and that no one could possibly care about me. If anyone told me they cared I didn't believe them. A combination of antidepressants and a wonderful therapist got me through that. I hope you find something that helps you to feel better.
You must have someone that will his you. I lost my wife last year and I miss her terribly. I cry a little every day for her.
Please take care of yourself.

Sorry I ment to say miss you not his you.

You don't have to feel this way. I have been there and understand how you feel. You are a worth while person...PTSD has robbed you of so much including yourself worth. PTSD is wrong, it is causing depression. You need to seek out immediate professional help. Do NOT kill yourself. With help you can feel better and enjoy life again. I know this to be a fact because for the first time in almost 6 years I felt happiness. No it did last but the crushing depression has lifted finally. There is hope. I am not saying it has been an easy road, but if you get help and work at it you will see the world in colour again, you smell the roses again and you will feel better. Please get some help..knowing you are in so much pain makes hurt too!

For the people that come here, survival is an accomplishment. Don't off yourself, ask for help with this.

I can realte to how you feel.The part that you got nothing to show for..........You don't have to prove anything to anyone.Who cares what people think.
What has helped me is to find things a like to do concentrate on yourself and be kind to yourself.
For a lot of us survivor just surviving has been a life time achievement and not a shabby one.
Actually a very hard one....give yourself a break.

Thank you. I am on meds and in therapy. Unfortuntly my therapist changes every 9months, so just when you get comfortable they change. I try so hard not to feel so bad at about me. I made an emergency appoinment with my therapist for this morning. Really hope I do not get admitted.

I too am around your age and a survivor of childhood abuse. I also had an alcoholic mother. Yes, I have dealt with PTSD, anxiety attacks in my sleep, etc. etc. But you are worth it and you don't have to live the next 40 years robbing yourself of life. What someone else did to you wasn't your fault and you don't need to keep yourself a prisoner anymore. YOU can choose to live life how you want. I have tried meds and they didn't work. I now see a naturalpath and do nutrition and that is helping my moods so much. What one person did, don't let that determine your future. It has nothing to do with who you are. Be strong and you will come through this.

sometimes, meds dont even work for people. it's OK. does not mean you are a lost cause. be a warrior, keep pushing, even if you see no purpose. here for you.

just came back from seeing my therapist. We had a good long talk and made so good plans to move forward. She really wants me to work on telling or writing my story. Going in to detail is very hard for me, yet I remember every horrible moment. I think with all the support I get from you guys plus my therapist I will be ok. One hour at a time.The seizures are just a slap in the face reminder of the abuse. I will survive.

You WILL survive proudaunt. when I have those feelings of not wanting to go on, I tell myself they will pass, and they do. the thing is, things get better but it is soooo slow. I always want to rush. over the years I have learned to be more patient.

I am trying to be more patient. Sometimes it is really hard.

do you find you lack energy most of the time? that is a big problem with me. I cant get much done and that just adds to my stress and attitude about giving up! I have had a basic check up and the doc said blood work is normal. I dont have coverage to go see a specialist like an endochronologist. It is hard being parient. I have more bad than good days. sometimes the good days seem like a cruel joke!

I am so glad you are still alive and sounding a little better than the original post that you wrote. I hope the pain you are feeling subsides a little and that you start feeling better soon.

I am sttarting to feel a little better.I have a hugh lack of energy. Some days it amazes me that I have done nothing.It drives me crazy before all this started my nick name was Tazmain Devil because I did everything so fast. Now the energy it takes to get out of the chair can wipe me out. All of my bloodwork is clear except for having low potassium which is under control with meds.

hi,do know we here all care.we may not know you,but we share something in common,and that is the struggle to stay alive with all our baggage.i do not know your full story,but it has been extremely difficult to stay afloat with all of my wounds.life is hard to live as it is,and know that i care.please be good to you,please.