I wanted to tell everyone that has commented in my post and that has helped with advice I am thankful for you all.  You all help me get through some really rough times.  I know one day one good and the next I'm not.  But I have to take it day by day. It helps knowing I have some were to turn.  Yesterday went better then I thought it was.  I woke up down and trying to be positive I chilled in my Pjs for not if the day.  I have the friend she was my best friend for years like form age 12 to 19 then had seen stuff happen lost contact nor 3 years and now we are getting together more.  She invited me over to her family's house.  I wasn't going to go and stay home and feel sorry for my self and eat with my mom and dad.  But then I thought no I need to get out and even though I'm not with my children and this is really the first thanksgiving I have spent by myself meaning no kids and a spouse.  So I was nurves but I got dressed up and went and I so happy I did they welcomed me in with open arms.  It felt amazing.  Just like when I was younger going over there.  Blessed.  I started to get that feeling when I left but I kept telling my self it's OK.  I might go out today with her and shop.  It's going to be ok.  Thank you all