Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I've been to see my therapist yesterday, who's known me for 24 years. what can I say, I was really majorly messed up. I just wanted to share my story a bit, what we were talking about in therapy.
I was in my 20's and sober, and used to see this drug and alcohol counsellor. He ended up making a pass, I started breaking down because of earlier childhood sex abuse. Me and this counsellor used to meet in all clandestine places, he was playing with me. For a year we did this, with me getting more and more mentally ill. Finally, at the time he retired, he took me to bed. Then pissed off. I was in shock and trauma, and went on a 6 week alcohol/valium bender.
I landed in a detox at 27, completely shattered and at the end of my life.
4 weeks later, this detox sent me to a drug and alcohol rehab in the country. It was the rehab from hell. Totally isolated, total power, couldn't even write a letter or ring anyone.
They had groups of yelling, cursing, abusing. we had to yell at each other as loudly as we possibly could. Then, after 3 months, I was ostracised for being 'confused and confusing.' That is, I couldn't look anyone in the eye or talk to them, I worked all the shit jobs 10 hours a day. If I ever had a group, people would scream at me 'you're STILL not changing, you're STILL confused!!'
To cut a long story short, I stayed 5 months, and got more and more alienated from the people I lived with, who seemed very angry with me.
I finally left, and went straight to the pub.
2 weeks later, I got sober again in AA, the pain was shocking. And what had happened to my MIND? I was beside myself with pain, with confusion, with anger, with feeling like anybody who even spoke to me was attacking. Attack EVERYWHERE, in fact there was a tormenting higher power who was out to get me. Yep, I was psychotic.
I stayed sober that time for 15 years. But the first 10 years, I was in and out of psych hospital in various states of crisis. The first 2 years in particular, I was remembering them last night. I felt the tortured, tormented mind that I had. I can't believe I got through it!
thank you for anyone reading my story, I just wanted to say 'hey, I'm still here!!! I survived!!!!' I'm sober 5 years this time, and I'm a lot more whole, and I have learnt from my therapist how to work through feelings and be self accepting. I've received a great deal of care.
Now, it's my turn to give back. I love to be caring and supportive where I can, and to witness another's pain without shying away.
back in the early 90's, I was in hospital again, this time with childhood abuse memories coming up. I was feeling very suicidal, and said to my therapist 'I don't want to kill myself, I haven't had the chance to love!' I was in my early to mid 30's.
And that's what I'm here for. To care for whoever I can, take care of myself, allow myself to be cared about by others.
I just felt like telling my rehab story, thanks for reading it.
I was in my 20's and sober, and used to see this drug and alcohol counsellor. He ended up making a pass, I started breaking down because of earlier childhood sex abuse. Me and this counsellor used to meet in all clandestine places, he was playing with me. For a year we did this, with me getting more and more mentally ill. Finally, at the time he retired, he took me to bed. Then pissed off. I was in shock and trauma, and went on a 6 week alcohol/valium bender.
I landed in a detox at 27, completely shattered and at the end of my life.
4 weeks later, this detox sent me to a drug and alcohol rehab in the country. It was the rehab from hell. Totally isolated, total power, couldn't even write a letter or ring anyone.
They had groups of yelling, cursing, abusing. we had to yell at each other as loudly as we possibly could. Then, after 3 months, I was ostracised for being 'confused and confusing.' That is, I couldn't look anyone in the eye or talk to them, I worked all the shit jobs 10 hours a day. If I ever had a group, people would scream at me 'you're STILL not changing, you're STILL confused!!'
To cut a long story short, I stayed 5 months, and got more and more alienated from the people I lived with, who seemed very angry with me.
I finally left, and went straight to the pub.
2 weeks later, I got sober again in AA, the pain was shocking. And what had happened to my MIND? I was beside myself with pain, with confusion, with anger, with feeling like anybody who even spoke to me was attacking. Attack EVERYWHERE, in fact there was a tormenting higher power who was out to get me. Yep, I was psychotic.
I stayed sober that time for 15 years. But the first 10 years, I was in and out of psych hospital in various states of crisis. The first 2 years in particular, I was remembering them last night. I felt the tortured, tormented mind that I had. I can't believe I got through it!
thank you for anyone reading my story, I just wanted to say 'hey, I'm still here!!! I survived!!!!' I'm sober 5 years this time, and I'm a lot more whole, and I have learnt from my therapist how to work through feelings and be self accepting. I've received a great deal of care.
Now, it's my turn to give back. I love to be caring and supportive where I can, and to witness another's pain without shying away.
back in the early 90's, I was in hospital again, this time with childhood abuse memories coming up. I was feeling very suicidal, and said to my therapist 'I don't want to kill myself, I haven't had the chance to love!' I was in my early to mid 30's.
And that's what I'm here for. To care for whoever I can, take care of myself, allow myself to be cared about by others.
I just felt like telling my rehab story, thanks for reading it.
You really had some very terrible care way back then. Very sadly--no, criminally--some people in the mental health field are just the worst. I have met my share as well--people who should be voted off the island, if you get my drift.
You are an amazing woman. You survived; you found better care, and you kept on with a loving heart. How much more amazing can a human being strive to me.
Wish you ongoing success in healing. Thank you for sharing your story. Reminds one that the greatest good, a good "higher power," if you will, can come to reside inside each of us, however one cares to think of it.
Big hugs.
People need to tread lightly with others' feelings.
I don't know how you survived all that, but you did. You proved yourself to be stronger and better than all of them. Cudos.
I go to AA, but I feel I belong more here. I can't wait to get home at night to my computer.
Especially back when I had severe PTSD, I was not supported in AA. Either that, or people just didn't understand. But I felt on the outer, for being mentally ill.
The people on this site are my friends!
My advice? Get help from anywhere that is willing to give you help. Go to AA and get support to stay sober. Stay on this site for PTSD support because I agree with you that this seems to be the best place for this kind of support.