Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I can't really explain how i feel, but i feel like i cant think straight for the past few days, I feel stuck in my head.
I think I've had PTSD sense i was 11, my grandfather passed away at home, i heard his last breath and everything, i remember going into his room and i still remember seeing him with his eyes and mouth open, it was terrible......
Then when i was 14 i had a miscarriage, and it was very traumatizing to me, and being 14 is to young to experience that kind of trauma. And then the boy friend i was with that i was going to have the baby with, was emotionally, verbally, mentally, sexually, and physically abusive, and his mother was also mentally/emotionally abusive. I was in that relationship when i was 13 until i was 15, so those two year so my life i was being abused...
When i was 15, i moved in with my aunt, i was alright for the first 6 months or so, and then the memories came back out, and i would tell my best friend at the time about it all the time.
I was picked on in high school terribly bad to the point where i had to drop out. My best friend dumped me as a friend, because i was depressed to the point where i wouldn't leave the house for two months except to go to my therapy cessions.
I had panic attacks multiple times a day, and i remember yelling at my aunt a lot... most of the time. I would barely come out of my room, or get off of the computer when she asked me to because she wanted to use it. Dissociation episodes, to the point where i didn't want to look in the mirror, for the fear of not seeing myself... I was terrified.....
I went back to high school to try to graduate, but things just got worse, so i had to drop out again. I lost all my friends, i was all alone...
I have this feeling sometimes, when i see the images of high school in my head, i feel like i am back there being bullied again. It's terrible... I hate reliving it....
I got kicked out of my aunts house, and was then sent back to live with my mom.....
I met my sons father online about 5 or 6 months after moving with her. I met him, 2 months after talking to him online. He abused me 5 months into the relationship, and didn't stop until i left him almost a year ago, and we were together for two years. He tried to choke me and told me he would kill me if he could. and i left a few weeks later and haven't been back sense. He also raped me once, which made me feel powerless like he always did but much worse.
I went back to live with my mom, and i got sent into a psych ward, and that traumatized me, ever sense i came home from that place, 8 months ago, i have had anger issues, and i mean explosive anger.... I see the images in my head of the rooms in the psych ward, and i could tell you the color of the walls, the floors, how the rooms were laid out and everything...it's extremely upsetting....
Now, that i am living with my mom, i am being verbally abused by my step dad.... it seems like this never ends..... sense i was 13, Ive been abused....
What I want to know, is that is this complex PTSD?
Im now 21, so for the last 9 years and some odd months, i have been through abusive situations. Constantly... to the point where i feel anger almost 24/7, and frustration along with that. what i went through with my sons father, brought everything else to the surface, and i think thats why i have been so angry.......
I guess i just need someone to listen, and tell me that i will get through this, im only 21, i should be getting out enjoying my life, i should have graduated from high school, i don't even have the motivation to get my GED, and i have terrible social anxiety as a result from the abuse.... i have a very hard time even taking care of my 18 month old, in fear i am going to start hating him, and accidentally hurt him....
I feel so broken and stuck, and angry, and i wish i didnt feel like this.
I am sorry if this is long, i needed to get this out, and i appreciate it if you read this, thank you very much........I
I think I've had PTSD sense i was 11, my grandfather passed away at home, i heard his last breath and everything, i remember going into his room and i still remember seeing him with his eyes and mouth open, it was terrible......
Then when i was 14 i had a miscarriage, and it was very traumatizing to me, and being 14 is to young to experience that kind of trauma. And then the boy friend i was with that i was going to have the baby with, was emotionally, verbally, mentally, sexually, and physically abusive, and his mother was also mentally/emotionally abusive. I was in that relationship when i was 13 until i was 15, so those two year so my life i was being abused...
When i was 15, i moved in with my aunt, i was alright for the first 6 months or so, and then the memories came back out, and i would tell my best friend at the time about it all the time.
I was picked on in high school terribly bad to the point where i had to drop out. My best friend dumped me as a friend, because i was depressed to the point where i wouldn't leave the house for two months except to go to my therapy cessions.
I had panic attacks multiple times a day, and i remember yelling at my aunt a lot... most of the time. I would barely come out of my room, or get off of the computer when she asked me to because she wanted to use it. Dissociation episodes, to the point where i didn't want to look in the mirror, for the fear of not seeing myself... I was terrified.....
I went back to high school to try to graduate, but things just got worse, so i had to drop out again. I lost all my friends, i was all alone...
I have this feeling sometimes, when i see the images of high school in my head, i feel like i am back there being bullied again. It's terrible... I hate reliving it....
I got kicked out of my aunts house, and was then sent back to live with my mom.....
I met my sons father online about 5 or 6 months after moving with her. I met him, 2 months after talking to him online. He abused me 5 months into the relationship, and didn't stop until i left him almost a year ago, and we were together for two years. He tried to choke me and told me he would kill me if he could. and i left a few weeks later and haven't been back sense. He also raped me once, which made me feel powerless like he always did but much worse.
I went back to live with my mom, and i got sent into a psych ward, and that traumatized me, ever sense i came home from that place, 8 months ago, i have had anger issues, and i mean explosive anger.... I see the images in my head of the rooms in the psych ward, and i could tell you the color of the walls, the floors, how the rooms were laid out and everything...it's extremely upsetting....
Now, that i am living with my mom, i am being verbally abused by my step dad.... it seems like this never ends..... sense i was 13, Ive been abused....
What I want to know, is that is this complex PTSD?
Im now 21, so for the last 9 years and some odd months, i have been through abusive situations. Constantly... to the point where i feel anger almost 24/7, and frustration along with that. what i went through with my sons father, brought everything else to the surface, and i think thats why i have been so angry.......
I guess i just need someone to listen, and tell me that i will get through this, im only 21, i should be getting out enjoying my life, i should have graduated from high school, i don't even have the motivation to get my GED, and i have terrible social anxiety as a result from the abuse.... i have a very hard time even taking care of my 18 month old, in fear i am going to start hating him, and accidentally hurt him....
I feel so broken and stuck, and angry, and i wish i didnt feel like this.
I am sorry if this is long, i needed to get this out, and i appreciate it if you read this, thank you very much........I
deleted_user
You are so young. It is so sad you have gone through all of this. It would be even more sad if you get stuck in all of this. Look into programs you can get into to get help and finish high school and get a career. Look forward and not backward. Don't get stuck in this. It is a horrible place to get stuck. They have programs and grants and all kinds of things for young people like you. Get busy and look into them. Please.
deleted_user
morningsadness, Virlaceygo is right.. there are SO many programs and grants, community college with child care, all kinds of things for you to take advantage of. You have alot on your plate at such a young age and you need to try to step 1 step at a time , i guess, I don't see anything here about meds but I'm a believer in them if the Dr. wants you on them. You can take them with a plan to get off them but try to step forward.. You need a good support system that will help you see that you and your child are taken care of. I live in Fl. and I've gone to community college I know they have more programs than I even know about . Please check it out.. get your GED, and some education so you can be free. It's hard to tell someone to not look back, but we all do it so.. we;'re guilty of it - looking back. Sometimes you have to look back just so you can see where you've been and where you need to go next. Keep posting and journal about it cause it does help.. Here for you. Peace, feather
AgentSmith
To answer your question about CPTSD, it does often come from repetitive domestic violence and abuse. CPTSD differs from traditional PTSD in that there are multiple and/or prolonged traumas. Which is generally the case w/ domestic abuse. Childhood abuse usually leads to getting in abusive relationships over and over. Victims of CPTSD have a high tendency to be re-victimized. I was abused throughout my childhood which lead to some horrible things happening to me in adulthood. I am a giant magnet for people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Anti Social Personality Disorder (sociopaths). I attract them everywhere I go and am continually a victim of crime. My neighbor, ex landlord, ex bfs, family members, etc. Everywhere I go. There is no escape. They are drawn to me like a moth to a flame. So it's hard to treat CPTSD because you can't even get a break from the trauma long enough to deal w/ the previous ones.
deleted_user
u have gone through more emotional and physical trama by the age of 21 that most people do in their lifetime. but let me tell u something right now and u had beeter listen. U R a Winner. look where u have come from there is only going up from here. get your GED and accept that as a nilestone in your life. these things in the past r in the past u can do this. anytime u want 2 talk let me know.
MorningSadness00
Thank you for your responses, I am going to try to get my GED, as soon as possible....
deleted_user
What wonderful news that you are going to go for your GED. You go girl!
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