Welcome, RossJames1994. I appreciate the link you supplied, and I went there, but you're right that it is long and it's midnight now where I live so I need to wrap my Daily Strength time up for the evening and can't give it a thorough read right now. Please do know that this is a healing place, and you're not alone. If I don't get the chance to come back and give it a read before other members here do, I'm confident someone else here at DS PTSD will beat me to it. If not, please don't despair. Perhaps if you could summarize then I could bring my support to bear for you with some accuracy. In any event, all will join me in reassuring you that you can feel safe here find support to heal.

Hi there. It sounds like you've been through a lot over the past few years, and I'm sorry you've been through so much stress and pain. It seems like it's had a major impact on your life and the lives of your family, and that can be so difficult to overcome, especially when you feel like you've lost people to it.

It also seems like emotions are high because you don't REALLY hate your cousin. You love her very much, obviously, or you couldn't feel so strongly about your hate for her after all the pain she's caused you. She couldn't have even caused you that much pain if not for the fact that you cared so much.

Love and hate are strange that way. If you feel so strongly one way or the other, there's still obviously some level where you still care very much.

You're right not to want to stoop, I'd say. Getting "revenge" on her might feel good in the moment, but personally, I think you'd eventually feel lousy about it. Then the only closure you would get would be a mite of temporary satisfaction, but also forever knowing that you screwed her over to feel it.

My advice would be to work on forgiving her. Yes, she had no right to do the things she did, no right to out you to people whatsoever, no right to baselessly accuse you of something you didn't do and go around telling people that you did it with absolutely no proof. But you're not going to be forgiving her for her - you're going to be doing it to find your own peace. So that YOU can let go of the resentment, the stress, the pain, and all of the hurt that you're clearly still carrying around with you. It's time for you to start unpacking all this baggage, and try to remember to leave it in the past where it belongs.

That way, you can begin to rebuild your relationships with people who matter.

I hope it was cathartic for you to get all that out. Seems like you'd been holding it in for a long time.

You're a young person and you have a lot ahead of you, so please don't let this steal another moment of your life.

You can find your way to healing by taking the first step - tell yourself that this incident is not going to shape the way you carry your relationships from now on. At least, not negatively.

Again, I'm so sorry to hear you're in so much pain. But you're doing great by reaching out. Keep going!

Thankyou, this is the first step for me, I never have felt such pain in my life so I’m finding it very hard to leave it in the past, as she still manages to take swipes without being part of my life

That's the hard part about cutting ties with someone who hurt you so badly, but that person still has connections to others in your life: You still have to know about the things they do on some level, still have to hear people speaking well of them when you privately know the truth, and, in your case, she knows things about you that she can use against you, and I know that has to be so nerve-racking.

Don't feel pressured. Take your time getting over this. Like you said, you've taken the first step just by reaching out and starting to talk about it, and all you can do now is continue forward.

You'll find lots of support here. There's always going to be someone you can talk to here if you ever need to vent or cry or anything.

You're not alone.

Thankyou so much rosecandy, it’s a long journey, physically and emotionally, do you know any way I can move on from this, I have tried for years and just can not seem to shift this out of my life to concentrate on my future, because I’m being haunted by a very painful past which send me into overdrive when it creeps up again. Thanks you

Sometimes, I have had to stop giving people a rent free space in my head. If their name comes up, I just say, she is who she is, and I have no interest in anything she says. Over time, I found that I could say that without the inner emotions churning. Just one of the things that has worked for me. Healing hugs.

I would say, find a nice understanding intuitive therapist. That has really helped me, someone, you can talk to who can hear this stuff and know what to say. I find EMDR the best of all the therapies I have done in the last 2 or 3 decades. Good pals are helpful too

When you love someone as long as you loved your cousin and then are betrayed the way she betrayed you it is a deep wound that takes a long time to heal. The signs were there that she was never really your friend but you did not want to see them because you loved her so much. There is no shame in loving someone but when someone hurts you intentionally then you have to let them go. I know you probably wish that things could just be the way they used to be but that is impossible because you now see her for who she really is, a person who uses other people.
I know she was everything to you but not in a healthy way. It is time for you to make some new relationships with people who really care about you for you and not what they can get out of you or use you for.

Good luck, this kind of betrayal takes time to get over. The truth will set you free. xo

I’m starting to feel at the moment, very well about myself thank you all for your messages you don’t even understand how much this has helped me . I have spoken and told my story so many times but it was so nice to get it down in writing and have other people’s opinions on it, I’m seriously so greatful and at the moment I’m not feeling so down, and I’m looking forward to the future and focusing on bettering my life and career, I love you all this has without a doubt probably changed my life and the way I think about all the problems I had, I just have to hope that nothing else about her creeps up but at this very moment I am content and things are looking up xox

Big hug for you RossJames..... It's nice to read you're feeling a little better.... This is a good group....xo