Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hey, everybody. Sorry I haven't had time to respond to everyone's posted replies to my thread about how I feel about kidney disease and my future plans and all. I'm grateful for how everyone has engaged in conversation with me after I opened up about it in my bargaining stage of grieving the loss of stage 3 CKD and moving toward stage 4 CKG. Jewells, Leo, David, Oz, Lilly, x, CP, everybody's been great. Sorry if I leave any name out, so please don't be offended if not listed. Just thank you all so much, every one.
Deli, you're right about a door closing and a window opening as to what God has in store, too. I thought on that more today and, switching metaphors, just realized I'm like a circus trapeze acrobat swinging from one swing to another in midair without a net. The momentum's going to carry me fine, it's just the thought of being in between without net below that scares me. But I'm going to be fine, the momentum will carry me forward, it's just that thought in between that's scary.
That momentum is from being here daily with you all at DS PTSD. Glad to have you behind me to help me have that momentum forward when there's no safety net for a time. Your responsiveness here to my opening up on DS PTSD carried over into my offline world at work today. We had a meeting of coworkers, and as the meeting began I shared a little bit of what I'm going through in case I seemed bothered or distracted to my colleagues. They were so nice being supportive the way you are. I got a couple of hugs and prayer promises. And this was at work. Opening up here has carried over into opening up a little there, too. Way to go, DS PTSD.
So I've had four calls from my doctor today. News isn't good. The fatigue I've felt that's had me limit my activities in the last month so as to keep up my full time school and part time church work at the end of the year is due to anemia. I have blood loss internally somewhere. Then I've got an infection in my kidneys, too. These are two more things in addition to how the hormone levels in my blood indicated yesterday that my kidney disease itself has advanced closer to needing dialysis.
I'm not feeling anything more than the usual symptoms of being tired and having neuropathy foot and hand pain/numbness. I go to see doctors now both tomorrow and Friday. I'll keep you posted when I know something from my medical appointments myself. Keeping you posted here online is helping me open up to people here in my world offline and not be isolated in this. Therefore, I appreciate the replies when I post here about how it's going for me this week. I'm trying to be a good sport about being handled by doctors and nurses tomorrow now that I've posted on Leo's thread about how I really don't prefer being touched a lot in medical settings, either. Saying so has helped with that anxiety some now.
Hope you all are doing as well as can be expected these days. I haven't forgotten your needs, too, in our little community here at DS PTSD and am keeping up my supportive vibes and so forth headed your way daily.
Hasta pasta,
Muji
Deli, you're right about a door closing and a window opening as to what God has in store, too. I thought on that more today and, switching metaphors, just realized I'm like a circus trapeze acrobat swinging from one swing to another in midair without a net. The momentum's going to carry me fine, it's just the thought of being in between without net below that scares me. But I'm going to be fine, the momentum will carry me forward, it's just that thought in between that's scary.
That momentum is from being here daily with you all at DS PTSD. Glad to have you behind me to help me have that momentum forward when there's no safety net for a time. Your responsiveness here to my opening up on DS PTSD carried over into my offline world at work today. We had a meeting of coworkers, and as the meeting began I shared a little bit of what I'm going through in case I seemed bothered or distracted to my colleagues. They were so nice being supportive the way you are. I got a couple of hugs and prayer promises. And this was at work. Opening up here has carried over into opening up a little there, too. Way to go, DS PTSD.
So I've had four calls from my doctor today. News isn't good. The fatigue I've felt that's had me limit my activities in the last month so as to keep up my full time school and part time church work at the end of the year is due to anemia. I have blood loss internally somewhere. Then I've got an infection in my kidneys, too. These are two more things in addition to how the hormone levels in my blood indicated yesterday that my kidney disease itself has advanced closer to needing dialysis.
I'm not feeling anything more than the usual symptoms of being tired and having neuropathy foot and hand pain/numbness. I go to see doctors now both tomorrow and Friday. I'll keep you posted when I know something from my medical appointments myself. Keeping you posted here online is helping me open up to people here in my world offline and not be isolated in this. Therefore, I appreciate the replies when I post here about how it's going for me this week. I'm trying to be a good sport about being handled by doctors and nurses tomorrow now that I've posted on Leo's thread about how I really don't prefer being touched a lot in medical settings, either. Saying so has helped with that anxiety some now.
Hope you all are doing as well as can be expected these days. I haven't forgotten your needs, too, in our little community here at DS PTSD and am keeping up my supportive vibes and so forth headed your way daily.
Hasta pasta,
Muji
Imagine if you want that you have my comforot tortoise. I like my comfort tortoise. It fits in my hand and is soft and plush and reminds me to go slow and that I have a good strong shell.:-)
Leo
I actually laughed out loud offline in real time when I read you wrote "We all know how it is when life kicks sand in our teeth while we're still picking out the last bunch of grit." Ha! Well said.
Thanks for the purrs and the comfort tortoise. Lilly, thanks for the prayer hug you sent. Like I said, you're so grand I had to send you a celebrate hug.
Going to bed now, rather tired, but knowing I have friends. If I can I'll be back later this evening to see how you all are doing with your stuff, but if I can't, know my supportive vibes are vibing for you all my DS PTSD partners tonight nonetheless.
Muji
Muji, you're one of the nicest people I've met, and someone I hope to be as good as.
I hope that the infection gives way easily.
Sending good vibes.
Hugs
J.
I understand the trapeze thing, muji, but you are not in midair without a net. You believe in God and stuff.. You are in God's Loving hands, though they are invisible. and it's not like stage 3 is on the left and stage 4 is on the right, but it's a continuum and you are in the middle. So yeah, probably eventually you might slip into stage 4, but.. at this moment you are not.
See, I told you I've had a few near death experiences, and that means I could have just finished dying at those times, but, God has me here for a reason. It's not just about Western Medicine's logical predictions for your body. GOD IS IN CONTROL.
I worked in nursing at a hospital for near a decade. After that I was sick myself, and Western Medicine failed me. That's when I turned first to Alternative Medicines, and then to God. In most more primitive cultures the term "Medicine" has the physical and spiritual aspects of the person together.. Holistic.
See, Western Medicine looks at your kidneys the same way as auto parts. Your carberator is not in good condition. But live kidneys and auto carberators are different. I know some about Native American Medicine, and Christian healing. I have seen miracles. I am a miracle myself.
In my nde's I came to understand why I am still here.. why I got sent back. I have had minor healings directly from God. I have done laying on of hands wherein some people have received healings,, and I've also 'sensed' when a person I was laying hands on was going Home. The healings I have received have kept me more or less functional, though not 100% healthy. I know that I'll be able to do what God calls me to do, until I'm done and then I'll go Home.
There's a whole lot more to the subject of living, and suffering, and dying, but not going to put it all on this one post. Just remember God, as you understand God. That you are not in mid-air without a net.. you are in the hands of a mercifully Loving Creator.
Give yourself permission to rest when you need it.
I've been around long enough to try to remember how important it is to realize that every day is a gift. The world owes us nothing. If I can survive one more day and have a nice moment -- whatever it is -- then it was a good day.
I hope you are able to stay in a peaceful mindset as you negotiate this new challenge.
Now, which one of y'all did that voodoo thang to my kidney doc?
:-)