Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
This is where I am today: I walked into my therapists office feeling on top of the world and full of a newfound sense of strength and joy. I proceeded to tell her about the things that had transpired over the past month, the giant leap I'd felt empowered to have taken, and my overall feeling of confidence in every area of my life, even in the face of dealing with the fallout of repurcussions from afore mentioned giant leap. Now, I know very well that there are times when our logic needs challenging. I have had my PTSD and Depression used against me by friends and family who, at one time were trying to convince me that I was "crazy". Because of how painful it was to handle, I am acutely receptive to suggestion from a mental health practitioner that I may want to closer examine whether what I am feeling or doing is going to facillitate the best outcome with regards to my well-being and especially that of my child.
So when I explain to my therapist that although my husband and I have lived as separated in the same house since September, we are getting along better than ever as dear friends and happily making the very best of an overwhelmingly stressful predicament, I was not expecting the response I received. According to couples she has worked with who have attempted to live in a similar arrangement, statistics show that it is more detrimental to the emotional stability and security of the child. In not having obtained legal separation papers with clearly defined rules, and throwing myself into a single living arrangement that neither of us can afford while facing our home in forclosure, I was apparently causing my precious daughter more harm than if I had left my husband and told my kid I was done with my marriage all on the same day, and began another serious relationship right in front of her within weeks, while trash talking her Dad and remaining bitter and angry.
I spent the last 7 years trying desperately to pretend that I could make do with the emotional abuse and lack of respect and boudaries in my marriage. It is my second, and I wanted to keep our family together. I suffered greatly and therefore made a hostile and unpredictable home environment for our child through bitter, angry, dyfunctional outrage toward my husband. I feel so blessed that I have not just let go of my rage and forgiven him, but also any ties that bind us as husband & wife. We both see our faults and that we deserve better; that our daughter deserves a better model of what a happy marriage looks like. After grieving the loss, we are now only left with a genuine love for each other as individuals and parents. We have explained to our child that we will divorce because we didn't make a happy married couple, but we do make great friends. She only sees us treating eachother with kindness and respect now. We still have "family hugs" and tell eachother,"I love you". If this is wrong, I am not sure I wanna be right. What do you think?
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So when I explain to my therapist that although my husband and I have lived as separated in the same house since September, we are getting along better than ever as dear friends and happily making the very best of an overwhelmingly stressful predicament, I was not expecting the response I received. According to couples she has worked with who have attempted to live in a similar arrangement, statistics show that it is more detrimental to the emotional stability and security of the child. In not having obtained legal separation papers with clearly defined rules, and throwing myself into a single living arrangement that neither of us can afford while facing our home in forclosure, I was apparently causing my precious daughter more harm than if I had left my husband and told my kid I was done with my marriage all on the same day, and began another serious relationship right in front of her within weeks, while trash talking her Dad and remaining bitter and angry.
I spent the last 7 years trying desperately to pretend that I could make do with the emotional abuse and lack of respect and boudaries in my marriage. It is my second, and I wanted to keep our family together. I suffered greatly and therefore made a hostile and unpredictable home environment for our child through bitter, angry, dyfunctional outrage toward my husband. I feel so blessed that I have not just let go of my rage and forgiven him, but also any ties that bind us as husband & wife. We both see our faults and that we deserve better; that our daughter deserves a better model of what a happy marriage looks like. After grieving the loss, we are now only left with a genuine love for each other as individuals and parents. We have explained to our child that we will divorce because we didn't make a happy married couple, but we do make great friends. She only sees us treating eachother with kindness and respect now. We still have "family hugs" and tell eachother,"I love you". If this is wrong, I am not sure I wanna be right. What do you think?
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Add Reply:
I moved in with our sister for a while, and Miss Know-It-All told me, "It will never work out you living together." I said, "You sound just like Dad telling you your marriage would never work." "Well, he was right. Our marriage didn't work." "I don't think Dad thought your marriage wasn't going to work because you were a bitch toward your husband and would drive him off." "Well, it still isn't going to work. You will just be at each others' throats." We weren't at each others' throats, and we got along just fine.
If you can change, so can your husband. Before you do anything, my suggestion is that the two of you go for marriage counselling. The trouble with people these days is that we try to heal ourselves and our marriages. A good marriage counselor can tell you how to repair your relationship even if you finally make the decision that your marriage is not going to work. A good marriage counselor does not take sides. Hope this helps.
Your sister sounds like a very unhappy person like my own. Consider the source when she begins with all her naysaying negativity. I think my sister is SATAN!
I didn't realize you had gone to marriage counselling. Your husband sounds like the unhealthy one. Just because men don't hit doesn't mean he wasn't abusive. Emotionally healthy people don't have to abuse anyone else in any way.
Actually, your husband sounds like my ex-husband. Maybe they were brothers. My ex insists he was an only child, but he lied about everything else. He was a mean man. He used to give me the cold shoulder and blame his behaviour on me. He just about drove me nuts, and it was a short drive.
If I were you, I'd pray. When all else fails, and you don't seem to get the answer you need, pray.
I wish you all the best.
By the way, how old is your daughter? If your daughter still buys into family hugs, I think she has not hit puberty yet. All the normal teenagers I know would rather spit on their parents than hug them.
My thoughts are with you
Audra