In addition to my kiddos surgery and following respiratory issues then diagnosis with asthma and reactions to asthma meds that kept her awake....yes, I said in addition....I felt more exhausted than I ever have in my life and I thought that was normal. Parents don't sleep much when their kids have trouble post op. But as routine returned I got worse. In less than two weeks I lost an iPhone, a jacket and three bottles of meds. I also got lost. Not lost but I was confused about where I was. This is when I called my doctor and when I realized my back pain may have been from something more serious than sharing a lousy mattress with a miserable two year old. I had a hemorrhagic ovarian cyst. I've had cysts before but not a bleeding one. I was too out of i to ask if my lack of vitamins was due to the cyst or not but my iron and D were really low. I was constantly freezing and having trouble thinking/getting confused. It was terrible. It has bled completely out and I feel much better but still have pain and will into next week. But today....triggered

My boss and I had a meeting and he's never let me down but he got caught up talking to another employee. I couldn't stay and I forgive him but in the moment I felt hurt. Then I went to get my kiddo. Another parent had told me earlier that as she dropped of her two year old she saw mine getting kicked very hard and crying while the teacher was oblivious. She said the boy kicked her with both feet and she was the one to stop it and love on my little girl. The daycare director seems to believe this didn't happen and their cameras are hard to follow. The times are not set right and the one for her classroom is blurry. I felt angry but also confused. I dissociated there. 

parent told me Dori was the oblivious teacher but director tells me Dori wasn't back there and as far as the cameras go it doesn't look like she was. Child tells me Liam kicked her and hurt her leg and arm and that she told Ms Heather who was on camera but we don't see her getting kicked. Except we don't know what time it happened. Reality was in question. 

This parent is a friend who I've known about two years. I should trust her but I don't. I wondered before even chatting with the daycare director if she was just saying this because she isn't a huge fan of the daycare. But why? She's a reasonable person who's judgment I don't trust bc she's gettin back together with her abusive husband but he's actually working marriage counseling and she's pregnant. its like I'm walking on eggshells with everyone. Ever since she revealed to me that she smokes and does a few other things she hid, I don't know if I can trust her win anything. That's not reasonable but given my history with people, it is understandable. I also don't trust this daycare director to be honest about the time stamp on the video but that's a me issue, not a proven her issue.

needless to say I was a mess this afternoon. And child one spilled a styrofoam cup of water in the car. She does not like messes. We had to pull over and talk about how accidents are okay and clean and hug. Dinner was late and we were all hangry.

we are going to the zoo with a new acquaintance and her kids tomorrow. I have normal trust issue nerves. I feel frazzled and if I could describe the stress....I feel upside down. Can't find the ground. Completely unsafe. And financially stressed but on my way to paying down debts and saving. 

Sorry it's been so long. This isn't even everything. It's been a WILD month