Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I am having an odd day. Nothing has gone to plan. It has not gone bad, just different. Hubby has just gotten up from a nap and is doing dishes in prep for making dinner. Most of the day I have been in enough pain that I have had full body shakes - which is just exhausting. I am tired mentally and physically - and reading the other posts I realized just how different my symptoms are...
As my diagnosis comes from the VA, and I did not get it IN COMBAT, my official diagnosis is Acute Stress Response Syndrome - with my old Psych Doc assured me meant PTSD in VA talk.
I can tell you my childhood was not pleasant - but I don't remember hardly any of it. Just sort of pictures, not even video. I turned to food and weighed 300lbs by the time I was six or seven.
When things are unpleasant, I forget them. I forget whole sections of my life. I can try to remember them, but it will just upset me so I don't. Most of the time, if someone asks me about something that was upsetting just a few months later I have no idea what they are talking about. I don't get flashbacks, I get blackouts.
When something happens to trigger me, I am more likely to wind up unconscious than any other outcome. I usually hyperventilate and pass out - though my current Service Dog has learned how to short circuit that so maybe I will remember more things now. All I know is that I then avoid that physical location forevermore.
I was diagnosed with Panic Attacks in the mid-'90's and my sister immediately told me that her daughter (my niece) had that. My parents and sisters dismissed my Panic Attacks as my niece was functional as at her worse she would get really nervous in high stress situations... I never have been able to figure out how that compared to blacking out for one to two hours from screaming in the fetal position.
I don't know. I guess I am feeling numb and that so many here have had it so much worse than I do... I don't get flashbacks. I never had. I just can't remember what happened. I am glad I don't remember. I don't want to remember, yet I know that I will never emotionally heal until I do. I think that right now, numb is better.
yadlim and my Misha
As my diagnosis comes from the VA, and I did not get it IN COMBAT, my official diagnosis is Acute Stress Response Syndrome - with my old Psych Doc assured me meant PTSD in VA talk.
I can tell you my childhood was not pleasant - but I don't remember hardly any of it. Just sort of pictures, not even video. I turned to food and weighed 300lbs by the time I was six or seven.
When things are unpleasant, I forget them. I forget whole sections of my life. I can try to remember them, but it will just upset me so I don't. Most of the time, if someone asks me about something that was upsetting just a few months later I have no idea what they are talking about. I don't get flashbacks, I get blackouts.
When something happens to trigger me, I am more likely to wind up unconscious than any other outcome. I usually hyperventilate and pass out - though my current Service Dog has learned how to short circuit that so maybe I will remember more things now. All I know is that I then avoid that physical location forevermore.
I was diagnosed with Panic Attacks in the mid-'90's and my sister immediately told me that her daughter (my niece) had that. My parents and sisters dismissed my Panic Attacks as my niece was functional as at her worse she would get really nervous in high stress situations... I never have been able to figure out how that compared to blacking out for one to two hours from screaming in the fetal position.
I don't know. I guess I am feeling numb and that so many here have had it so much worse than I do... I don't get flashbacks. I never had. I just can't remember what happened. I am glad I don't remember. I don't want to remember, yet I know that I will never emotionally heal until I do. I think that right now, numb is better.
yadlim and my Misha
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
As Lilly said, when we're readyfor them (or not in my case, I think it sorta happened by accident)---the blanks fill in.
I wound up in the ER when my blanks filled in and when more do, I cling to Here and NOw with my teeth it seems.... And no, those aren't the same.
Anxiety attacks are one thing.
Panic is another.
To use my psychiatrist's words, Anxiety is the junior varsity (or LIttle League) version of Panic. He used sports b/c I like them, sorry, but it worked for me: Anxiety is Tiny Tot Football; Panic is National Football League Super Bowl and you're the ball. THat's how it feels, anyway. So... might be useful for them to realie the diffference there. It is considered a diagnostic difference by my psychiatrist, at least.
Gentle hugs again, and healing hopes.
Leo
PS Not all memories *can* return--- when in stress, we have difficulty retaining info in short-term memory enough for it to transfer to long-term memory--- so think of stress as a power interruption in saving documents on a computer, and the document is the memory. Part of it might make it onto the hard drive, part of it may not, and you may never recover the full document.
WHich is fine by me, too. I don't wanna know. I know too much now.
And thanks Leo, I like the gentle purrs...
I think yesterday is the first time I realized that what I experience is not textbook PTSD. A couple weeks ago I was in the PM clinic at the VA hospital. I meet with a Medical doctor and a Psych doctor. The Psych doctor had missed the first apt, so this was our first time meeting. When describing how I get through life, and what happens to me, he filled four pages, front and back with notes in the hour we were there. He was absolutely amazed that I had managed to finish my Bachelor's degree - though I was a week from being done at that point. I suppose that should have been an indication.
I wonder if PTSD is the right diagnosis at all? Not that it really matters.
Well, I just had breakfast and now I am sleepy. I am off to take a nap.
Yadlim and my Misha