Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hi, I don't know where to start here. I was abused as a child from the age of 6 until I was 9 and never told anyone. I continued to live but what is living really? I had a child and became engrosed with drugs to combat feelings and weight issues. I lost my daughter to the system for a short time and during this time I had to start therapy, OMG what a god send. The more I spilled, which is not normal, the more they wrote. I was diagnosed with BPD, CPTSD, Depression, Anxiety, OCD, and slip in a bit of dissociation and that is me. I have never felt like I was living my life. I always felt I was living the life of this stranger or actually strangers. I always changed who/what I was depending on the people surrounding me. I put many masks on in my day and I was wondering if anyone else has felt ths way? I know I am rambling but it feels good to put this all out there and not have to see a persons reaction to my crazy f*cked up mind exploding. I am so confused. I feel like therapy is working but then I doubt myself and I feel like sometimes I am just playing another role. The role of the crazy girl who gets better when in reality I am still the f*cked up person I have always been. I also feel like sometimes that no one can relate but I know intellectually that isn't true. I am really intellectual about my issues and "know" what is right and wrong but to feel those things is A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. Well that's enough for now. HOWDY everyone and blah.
When I see my doctors I feel like Im living a lie of trying to get better and telling them what they want to hear.
In reality, Im a really f ed up person!
know that you are not alone, especially on this site!
(I remember when I began teaching and the 1st day someone called me 'professor', I thought WTF, are they really saying that to me? It took a long time but eventually this new job and way of interacting felt natural, became me.)
I know your post is about personal issues, not job ones, but in the beginning all we can do is apply our newly discovered thoughts, and eventually the disconnect becomes less and less.
We all vacillate in terms of how competent we feel. Hang in there, you do see the issues and just need to give yourself a break and let things play out.
Who wouldn't be confused like we are?
But over time I've learned that, while I can't unscramble eggs in my past and I can't hide from PTSD being probably forever (unfair but true), I have a lot of wisdom others don't have, too. All of life is confusing for everyone, when you come right down to it. We PTSD survivors just know this more intensely and clearly than others.
Welcome, glad you're in therapy that's working, and join us in the journey. We relate.
ladydi1961
and good for you for reaching out here.
my abuse must've started at birth. idk. but i think there is only one photo of my mother holding me as a baby and it looks like i am trying to get away from her.
lately, i tell myself that ...really...everyone is confused about life. we, as people with ptsd, have a more difficult time of it than most. but i think everyone has their own issues to deal with that they are trying to figure out how to deal with. some people are just better at hiding it. i think we deserve some kudos for allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in order to get help. wearing that mask of "i'm fine" is incredibly painful. and trusting anyone....ever....is a huge issue for me.
i think the holidays have put me into a funk i'm struggling to dig myself out of as well. i'm glad it's only 6 days until christmas...so it can be over.
my biggest problem is that i can't shut my brain off sometimes. ugh. it's so irritating.
safe hugs and peace to you
does that make sense ?