I was bully bait all through my schooling from K-12 because my mentally ill parents moved me 13 times. I was the new kid every year in North Carolina, Virginia, Mexico, Uruguay, New Jersey, and then Uruguay again. We went from state to state and then country to country with no warning and no language preparation. I'll never forget finding myself in a 3rd grade class in Mexico with a teacher speaking Spanish only and with me not speaking a word of Spanish. She was making the class repeat something that turned out to be the multiplication tables. It was as if I had landed on Mars.

The playground was the same was, except I was treated as the alien from another planet. My parents were no help. In fact, since as a kid I learned Spanish on the street faster than they did as adults, they leaned on me for support. I was on my own.

Bullies abounded. My dad beat my mom up and put her in the ER in Ecuador, so they separated and I ended up in Atlantic City High School in New Jersey to start high school in the ninth grade. Atlantic City isn't a place to raise kids; it's a casino gambling town for mobsters. Kids are collateral damage there.

On the first day of school at Atlantic City High School I was mugged just because I tried to go to my assigned locker. A Seiko watch I'd saved up for years to buy on the trip from Ecuador in the Panama Canal's duty free zone was stolen by the muggers that day, so I never went to my locker again. That's when I had my first PTSD panic attack that cause me to pass out and landed me for a few days in the hospital. About the time I figured out how to survive in Atlantic City High School, though, we moved to Uruguay.

Tenth grade in Uruguay began with my being bullied in the boys' room by a line man on the rugby team. By then I was fed up so I punched the mountain of a man right in the middle of his face. I was only 2/3 his size, so when he got back up in shock that bully bait had fought back, he busted me up but good. Still, it was the last time a bully went after me.

Unfortunately for me, just about the time I figured out how to keep bullies at school out of my face, my parents got back together. Instead of beating my mom, in this new phase of their marriage they made peace with each other by diverting the violence toward me. Translation: instead of hitting my mom, my father hit me, beating me bloody every week or so. He put bars on the windows of my bedroom so I couldn't escape him. Now instead of having to deal with school bullies, I had to deal with one closer to home. In my home, actually.

I ran away from home at 17, 4 months shy of my final college exams in high school. I did it by getting college January college admission in my senior high school year. I used academics themselves as my way to get out of that school with its rugby bullies and to get out of my home with my dad in Uruguay to school in the USA. Things weren't perfect in the USA, to be sure, but they were better as far as bullies were concerned.

I tell you my story so you know I survived a big bullying problem both at school and at home. I don't know if my way out can be yours, but there is a way out without further hurting yourself. Hurting you, after all, is the bully's job, and you don't have to do their job for them, whether they're bullies at home or at school or, as in my case, at both. Keep coming back so we can figure out what there is do to in your case, ok?

mujicaptsd, i'll do what i can. thank you for telling me your story. you are a survivor. remember that

(((Everlasting.Love.))) it's good you came here and found us. i don't know if you've ever come here before, but now that you joined us? you've got us, we're here for you, okay?

you can come on here and talk about things and we'll be here for you. we are on your side and we understand, we get it. i'm lilly.

Gentle hugs of support, (((Everlasting.Love))) I'm so sorry you're struggling, but I'm so glad you're not giving up. Strength, courage and all the support you need and deserve, hugs

thank you.

I am so sorry to hear that! Life's tough enough as a teen without all that stress added to it! Are you in regular counseling? If you can't afford it, many churches offer it free of charge. I do hope you see someone regularly. This seems like a small answer, but when I am stressed, anxious and depressed, I take magnesium and ginseng to calm my body, mind and soul. They also get rid of those sticky negative thoughts and feelings that get me down. Yes, they really work. We are given many things to help us on this earth. Also, I get outside, breathe deep in creation, touch the earth and look at the stars. That helps me remember the bigness of life and the constant faithfulness of it all. Also I pray, meditate on wise words and stretch myself thru learning, art and groups like meetups, studies, classes. Anxiety is so much more a problem than it used to be, some of spiritual, some of it physical. <3 These things help me in both. Lifting up your name to the maker and hoping you find peace and hope. Hang in there, you will overcome!

Life isn't fair.

The best advice that I can give you, is to learn to be your own best friend. Invest in yourself, your education, in getting jobs and then getting better jobs.

It goes SLOW at first, and there are many who will trick you, but keep believing in yourself.

Hugs, Patti