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My roommate and I made our weekly walmart trip last night and when we came out I saw my attacker for the first time since "it" happened. He was parked in the space directly in front of my car and was just standing outside of it leaning against his car. no groceries or baskets nearby. It was almost as if he was standing there waiting. I'm really glad my roomie was with me. It scared the shit out of me. I jumped in the car and took off i think before she even had the passenger door closed. I shook for a long time. I think I'm okay now... I just don't know what to think about the scenario. and should I worry that he may have been there on purpose? and if so will it happen again?
I had just gotten to the point where i wasn't scared 24/7. Nightmares had finally started to subside and I wasn't nearly as jumpy, but this really threw me off. I wasn't expecting it at all. On top of that I'm now thinking more about the fact that he's still out there, and maybe continuing to do this to other women... I mean, if I'm right and he was purposely standing there waiting, he has obviously gotten braver. Maybe thinking he got away with it once maybe he can again? I don't know maybe I'm stretching this out of proportion. This just brought up a lot of terror that I thought I was done with.
-Hannah
I had just gotten to the point where i wasn't scared 24/7. Nightmares had finally started to subside and I wasn't nearly as jumpy, but this really threw me off. I wasn't expecting it at all. On top of that I'm now thinking more about the fact that he's still out there, and maybe continuing to do this to other women... I mean, if I'm right and he was purposely standing there waiting, he has obviously gotten braver. Maybe thinking he got away with it once maybe he can again? I don't know maybe I'm stretching this out of proportion. This just brought up a lot of terror that I thought I was done with.
-Hannah
I am only saying that because I am going to say the "r" word.
When I was raped...both times, I did not fight back. I did not tell anyone about those, or the time I was nearly raped and promised a death, but escaped.
I was intimidated and afraid and never reported. I did not feel like anyone would listen to me. I had reasons not to trust law enforcement.
I have come to understand that not fighting back is the most common thing the rape victims feel guilty about. That is comforting to me. I am not a horrible person for not fighting back.
I really wish I would have reported. I think it would have brought me some level of validation and closure that I have not yet found. Its been over 30 years and I am still triggered by everyday, innocuous stimuli.
I am NOT being judgmental...and hope I am not sounding that way. Your encounter with your attacker sounds terrifying!! I would be freaked out and think a set back in your recovery is 100% understandable. It can be hard enough to recover from an attack without some eerie stalking like encounter.
If your thoughts continue to stay bent and you live in sleepless fear, I would get help from a trained therapist that specializes in trauma recovery.
I wish you healing and peace.
-Hannah