As the impending day approaches I've seemed to manage to get quite a few crap behaviours in, a couple this weekend alone. Yay me! Gag. It's bizarre watching myself make impulsive, emotional decisions and feeling very convinced in the moment but regretting later. I've alienated my dad's side of the family because they have not once, besides my dad's funeral, invited my family and I to their get togethers but my sister and her family are never excluded. So I deleted them all off fb but not before sending a message asking the reason for the exclusion. Stupid me, I already know I'm being rejected why did I let them know it hurts? So I got a polite reply stating I will get an invite to which I replied pity invites are worse than being ignored and no thanks. 

Every time I call my blister (sister) she doesn't answer or call me back, more rejection. I want to just start a new life with none of the rejecting people involved and for some reason it's so hard. I keep getting sucked back in with my mom who I hung up on this weekend because she got all negative when I was excited for my new kitten. I snapped on a friend when she dismissed my feelings. I'm so freaking defensive with everyone outside of my family. I'm super sensitive to sounds lately that I am getting upset with my family and it's taking everything in me to not snap, although I have a couple times, with my kids. 

Every time hubs has to drive home from work I'm expecting a call saying he was in an accident and my stomach is in knots the whole hour of drive time. My poor kid wanted and was welcome to spend another night at his friends but I never let him sleep there before so the anxiety of someone hurting him wouldn't let me budge. I've lost my friggin mind here. Is this an episode like anyone else'? Or am I having a nervous breakdown? I've only committed to 3 hours at Xmas at my mom's but it's doing my head in. I scarcely want to see my mom and have no desire to see anyone else.