Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
TRIGGER WARNING
I got my bills paid today, so I feel a sense of accomplishment,. Yet I've had a lot of static in the brain and feelings though, today. I've been triggery and flashback prone, and have caught myself reliving a few trauma incidents here and there.
I'll figure out why once the noise in my emotions dies down. I'll be able to use my therapy tools and digest what's going on. But for now I need to ride through it.
TRIGGER WARNING
The whole nine yards has ensued as far as symptoms are concerned. Chills of fear down the spine, adrenaline alert, feeling I was going to wet myself or have a bowel movement in fear. That cramping GI tract from fear, butterflies in the stomach.
These are things I felt in the high alert when I was a kid growing up in combat. A lot of the eerie calm before the storm that I recall from before my two bombings I survived. I also felt them when my parents, who had untreated civilian combat PTSD, went at each other violently. Then there would be a pause before they came after us kids with violence. The anxious calm before the storm.
TRIGGER WARNING, AGAIN
At such times, I would lock myself in my bedroom. Bars on the windows kept me from escaping the house. I would wait and listen, every muscle tense. Then sometimes it would subside, and I would be left to slow my pounding heart down.
TRIGGER WARNING ONCE MORE
Other times the door would explode off of its hinges. My father would kick the locked door in. Then my father would enter in a rage with his leather belt flying. Or my mother with a wooden spoon from the kitchen and beat me with it until it broke off in her hands.
At times like those I would dissociate to survive.
TRIGGER WARNING OVER
I've written this so vividly because for some reason I have been reliving it in flashbacks today, triggered by something I'll figure out later. But I decided to write it down. That way, if someone acknowledges I did so, then it helps get it out of my system and not relive it in circles all to myself. It helps me remember we're not all reliving it all the time with PTSD. It reminds me of myself when roles are reversed here. At those times most of the time I come here, I'm ok. So then I'm able to be there for someone who needs to rant or reach out due to feeling triggered like I feel now.
That's what I've learned in therapy, anyway, and support group sharing really helps me that way.
I can't take Ativan for the state I'm in like I used to, now that I have Chronic Kidney Disease along with PTSD. So I'm posting here to get it out of my system instead. Thanks for letting me have a safe space in which to do that.
If anyone wants to acknowledge with just a reply to let me know you're there, that works wonders with me just like Ativan would have, and would be most appreciated. I know I'll be fine because you've all been through this, too. If you could remind me just with a hello just to be there for me, that'll be all the reassurance I'll need. You don't need to solve this problem of mine or have the right thing to say. The power of your presence is more than enough.
Thank you in advance, my friends. I hope you're well tonight yourselves.
I got my bills paid today, so I feel a sense of accomplishment,. Yet I've had a lot of static in the brain and feelings though, today. I've been triggery and flashback prone, and have caught myself reliving a few trauma incidents here and there.
I'll figure out why once the noise in my emotions dies down. I'll be able to use my therapy tools and digest what's going on. But for now I need to ride through it.
TRIGGER WARNING
The whole nine yards has ensued as far as symptoms are concerned. Chills of fear down the spine, adrenaline alert, feeling I was going to wet myself or have a bowel movement in fear. That cramping GI tract from fear, butterflies in the stomach.
These are things I felt in the high alert when I was a kid growing up in combat. A lot of the eerie calm before the storm that I recall from before my two bombings I survived. I also felt them when my parents, who had untreated civilian combat PTSD, went at each other violently. Then there would be a pause before they came after us kids with violence. The anxious calm before the storm.
TRIGGER WARNING, AGAIN
At such times, I would lock myself in my bedroom. Bars on the windows kept me from escaping the house. I would wait and listen, every muscle tense. Then sometimes it would subside, and I would be left to slow my pounding heart down.
TRIGGER WARNING ONCE MORE
Other times the door would explode off of its hinges. My father would kick the locked door in. Then my father would enter in a rage with his leather belt flying. Or my mother with a wooden spoon from the kitchen and beat me with it until it broke off in her hands.
At times like those I would dissociate to survive.
TRIGGER WARNING OVER
I've written this so vividly because for some reason I have been reliving it in flashbacks today, triggered by something I'll figure out later. But I decided to write it down. That way, if someone acknowledges I did so, then it helps get it out of my system and not relive it in circles all to myself. It helps me remember we're not all reliving it all the time with PTSD. It reminds me of myself when roles are reversed here. At those times most of the time I come here, I'm ok. So then I'm able to be there for someone who needs to rant or reach out due to feeling triggered like I feel now.
That's what I've learned in therapy, anyway, and support group sharing really helps me that way.
I can't take Ativan for the state I'm in like I used to, now that I have Chronic Kidney Disease along with PTSD. So I'm posting here to get it out of my system instead. Thanks for letting me have a safe space in which to do that.
If anyone wants to acknowledge with just a reply to let me know you're there, that works wonders with me just like Ativan would have, and would be most appreciated. I know I'll be fine because you've all been through this, too. If you could remind me just with a hello just to be there for me, that'll be all the reassurance I'll need. You don't need to solve this problem of mine or have the right thing to say. The power of your presence is more than enough.
Thank you in advance, my friends. I hope you're well tonight yourselves.
-
I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
-
Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
It's so amazing how the mind changes the world around it - it's hard to believe it's the same place between one moment and another, depending on what's going on in our minds.
But thank God all that is in the past and you are safe now, and loved and respected, and no one would ever dare treat you like that again. You are safe now.
Still don't know what made my brain get all snap-crackle-pop with flashback interference. I haven't identified the trigger.Sometimes I don't, and just have to let it go and move on. It was peculiar how vivid the reliving of the trauma experiences became as the day wore on. Like turning up the volume knob on a boombox or something.
It's not over yet, either, but with companions like you speaking up along side me now, there's living and coping with it now, so I'll be fine. Somehow that truly works for me. Don't ask me how, I'm just glad it does. Brains are mysterious and wonderful things. Thanks so, so much for coming up alongside me with my PTSD headache!!! I am so grateful for your kindness, so very grateful. Hope you are well yourselves.
My building finally fixed the security door which should make me feel safer but now every time it slams I jump. It reminds me of how I would freeze in fear when I heard my fathers angry footsteps coming up the stairs.
It is the anticipation sometimes, I guess.
Sending lots of calm and safe hugs your way.
I'm trying to figure out why they "volume" knob on my reliving trauma got turned up so loud. I think part of it is that I don't do downtime very well. I had planned a trip for this weekend, but Amtrak canceled my train.
Shouldn't be hard to adapt to, right? But where others might relax and be refreshed, I'm worn down by PTSD in my down time. I need to keep moving for what they call "good" stress to balance out all the bad stress stored in my brain from surviving war, molestation, and parental abuse for years on end. "Good" stress balances out the "bad" stress for me.
Plus, I'll bet you my blood sugar was low. Drink a little apple juice, and the world's a better place. :-)
Thanks for coming up along side me with how door slamming reminds you of the anticipation anxiety of hearing your father's footsteps approaching. I know that's not a fun memory to relate, so I really appreciate your sharing it with me so I wouldn't feel isolated in my own flashbacks. Thanks, Cecil.