i have to write quickly,a challenge-here goes, my daughter has ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder related directly to her having been exposed to her parents dysfunction and lots of yelling, we don't yell much anymore since we separated, but we do still live together, Now we are trying to do damage control-she is 8,
My sister is a major trigger for my PTSD -she has issues that have yet to be diagnosed, but she is extemely controlling, and wants my child to look, act, and behave a certain way when she is at her home. She lives with her longtime partner who my daughter adores, but who is equally as freakishly controlling, I have explained to my sister many times about how I don"t fight my kid over how her hair looks. If fixing( or barely fixing) her hair is one area in her life where she feels she has some control, then I will gladly give it to her, My daughter gets stressed and acts out now when she knows she is going to be with them, because no one respects her boundaries around this. My sister & her gf are vocal in telling me how "they" can get my kid to do things because "they" don"t put up with any bull. They accuse me of allowing her to manipulate me. Well, I just do the best GODDAMN job I can do, but the bottom line is I am the parent, and it is NOT anyone's place to tell me how I should fix my child's hair or do her homework with her. You'd think that would be easy to understand, right? I just had a HUGE hotbutton moment with sister's gf -she chastised me in front of my child and tried to force her to go over a failed test on telling time. I politely informed her that my daughter was TIRED and HUNGRY...two very crucial states that are NOT conducive to retaining information, not to mention the tension that it created by her overriding my sensibility as the mother of this child. I have paid alot of money in theraoy with my girl and I know what she needs. She had the gall to tell me that "this is MY relationship with your daughter, and this is how we do things at this house."...with no regard for my position and authority as the parent! It is absolutely unhealthy, for me, and for my child to be put in this position. I struggle to keep up my self esteem as a parent enough without having their crazy-ass insanity inflicted on us.
I know, don't go to their house you say. But my daughter does love them dearly, faults and all. I am the one who has to bear the brunt of her meltdowns over the stress from the dysfunctional dynamics here. GOD HELP ME!!