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reliably unreliable

arfie
arfie

the maternal family is scheduled to pick up the 3 foster kids for a christmas visit today according to the conditions of our court-ordered custody agreement. i do not know these people well, but they are so routinely late for everything that i trust them to be late, if they show at all. i have enough reliably unreliable people in my life that i have developed strategies for making contingency plans in the likely event that they do what they do best and the plans change without notice. alas, those therapy tools work better for adults than children. the oldest is 8 and he has caught on far enough that he no longer presses me for details of their arrival. the almost 3 year old is still vague on the concept of planning and mostly rides the waves of her two elder siblings. the 5 year old has caught on to the concept of planning but remains vague on broken promises and how to cope with them. for now, i'm not even attempting to explain the dynamics to her --or even big bro. i'm just letting the events unfold and bracing to lead them through whatever evolves.


even when dealing with reliable events, waiting anxiety remains one of my more vicious psycho snot knots.


any tips?


i'm leaving the mood icon on the rapid cycling median. my moods are all over the psychic map this morning.

wondringfreely
wondringfreely
Don't let other people dysfunctions consume your life and mental state.
just learn to coupe and slowly and gracefully imprint by reward on the kids the importance and the ability to be on time places or finish the work they are doing on time. it will all workout.
arfie
arfie
thank you wondring. works in progress. . .
again i wish it was as easy to do as it is to say.
just wishing. . .
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
It's got to be hard to hand the kids over to folks you don't know terribly well, arfie, court ordered or not. It's normal to be anxious while they're gone. Just glad you're coming here for support to you'll be ready to receive them when they come back.
Beryl367
Beryl367
So, the only things I've found to help me with waiting anxiety are distraction techniques (like mopping a floor or other house work or an easily put-downable game on my phone), rationalization techniques (reminding myself that the person in the stores job is to sell stuff so it's probably just taking them longer than they expected to find the thing I was asking about, or the irresponsible grandparents really do want to see the kids it's probably just taking them longer to get there than they planned), and planning (if they're an hour late a plan to keep the kiddos busy, knowing at what degree of lateness you try their cell or have to feed the kids or put the littles for naps etc). It's hard to make plans when someone involved has time management issues. I hope things went well.
arfie
arfie
thank you, guys. support appreciated.

to the tune of, "nanny nanny boo boo."

"we survived another one.
"we survived another one."

and they are off with lots of smiles and good cheer. distraction techniques are our best tool, too. by our own business-as-usual, they were about 4 hours late, but one of my tools for reliably unreliable people is to keep the expectations loose. if they show up on the scheduled day, they have performed above and beyond their own business-as-usual.

theoretically, i now have two weeks to catch up on all the little things that go neglected while caregiving for three young children. theoretically. in practice, two weeks is a long time for children accustomed to farm life to spend in an over-crowded inner-city apartment living the welfare life of sleeping in and never leaving the lair. if the children call for an early pickup, we'll be there.

we see what grows. . .
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I am so glad that they're off in good cheer sweetie.... Chronically late would drive me nutz... So rude and disrespectful to other people's time

I hope that the kids have a great time and I hope that you'll be able to enjoy some'you' time Arf..... Big hug of peace and calm.... xo
lilmissy7
lilmissy7
Hi Arfie,
I’m glad that the kids had lots of smiles & good cheer, that’s nice.

I second what Sun said about getting some nice well deserved ‘you’ time. Whatever that is, go wild amiga! lol just kidding, kinda :)

Big hug <3
arfie
arfie
i might be getting literal on the "go wild" approach. our farm sprouted a serious rodent population over the summer. at least six species and counting. they have begun chewing on car parts in the driveway and invading the house. while hubby has been setting traps and experimenting with repellents, i rounded up four feral kittens and have been making them comfy under the house. for now, i am feeding them for the sake of helping them adapt, but i don't plan to feed them for long. i'm shooting for them to be the farm rat patrol. just hoping. . .

we see what grows. . .
wondringfreely
wondringfreely
farm rodents. only park on gravel or paved . don't leave food in the car.
place mothballs under the hood /trunk in perforated bags. i had mice chow on
fuel injector wires $1600 repair filed insurance claim under "ACT OF GOD CLAIM " they covered it after deductible.
arfie
arfie
thank you wondri. our driveway is gravel and didn't slow them down a bit. nor did the mothballs and other repellants. they have actually eaten some of the repellants we tried. traps have at least been thinning the population a bit.

here's to hoping the cats are a more sustainable solution.
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