Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I am sick of the self doubt and pain. The emotions that come and won't stop. Even little things that I now have trouble doing. Why am I freezing, why can't I get some things done until it is too late?
Two weeks ago I was to ship back some of the equipment we had used at a site for work. Every time I tried to pack it up and get it out I froze- I have no clue why. I just could not bring myself to getting the task done. Finally questions were asked and I had to get this stuff shipped. Understand I have been busy and not in the office to do much lately. I had the equipment sitting at home and the whole way home from work on Thursday I cried because I imaged the worst would come from not getting this task done in a timely fashion. It was so bad I was just thinking of swinging my car in front of a tractor trailer and be done with it. I just want the pessimism and self hate to stop. Only thing keeping me from wrecking the car was I was afraid I would live. The drive was an hour of fighting with myself. I got home and my hubby helped me get the stuff shipped. But why was I not able to do it?
This is not the only time or only thing. I lately have been avoiding the shower. Not that I am not concerned with hygiene or looking clean and kept, but the shower makes me nervous. I use to love showering now I try to get out as quick as possible. I don't know why. I fear having B.O. but hate the shower. And the bath tub is too small to bathe in correctly.
I just want to know why I am developing aversions to things. What do they mean or are they meaningless? How can I stop this- it causes so much emotional turmoil. I just want to be able to do things like normal people do and not go through this anymore. I am almost ready to give up.
Two weeks ago I was to ship back some of the equipment we had used at a site for work. Every time I tried to pack it up and get it out I froze- I have no clue why. I just could not bring myself to getting the task done. Finally questions were asked and I had to get this stuff shipped. Understand I have been busy and not in the office to do much lately. I had the equipment sitting at home and the whole way home from work on Thursday I cried because I imaged the worst would come from not getting this task done in a timely fashion. It was so bad I was just thinking of swinging my car in front of a tractor trailer and be done with it. I just want the pessimism and self hate to stop. Only thing keeping me from wrecking the car was I was afraid I would live. The drive was an hour of fighting with myself. I got home and my hubby helped me get the stuff shipped. But why was I not able to do it?
This is not the only time or only thing. I lately have been avoiding the shower. Not that I am not concerned with hygiene or looking clean and kept, but the shower makes me nervous. I use to love showering now I try to get out as quick as possible. I don't know why. I fear having B.O. but hate the shower. And the bath tub is too small to bathe in correctly.
I just want to know why I am developing aversions to things. What do they mean or are they meaningless? How can I stop this- it causes so much emotional turmoil. I just want to be able to do things like normal people do and not go through this anymore. I am almost ready to give up.
A human mind can only take so much. The stressors of everyday life are enough to make anyone need a vacation. Add PTSD to that and vacations from normal life become a necessity far beyond the typical. We HAVE to have time to relax and feel less responsible for a while, otherwise, our symptoms get out of control.
No one would fault a cancer patient from taking time off to recover from a round of chemo. No one would fault an accident victim for taking the time to mend. No one faults a new mother for maternity leave.
No one should fault us for requiring more frequent breaks from everyday stressors because we have a disorder that makes us more suseptable to the negative effects of stress.
Most of all, we should never fault ourselves, either. We did not ask for this. We didn't wake up one day and say, "Hey, I think I'd like to live in a constant state of stress so that I can malfunction when normal, everyday life happens."
I figured out that there are some days when all I can manage to get done is getting the kids to school and getting them home. Other days, I feel a little more energy and I can manage to do some laundry. I applaud myself every time I manage to accomplish even brushing my damn teeth.