I am in grad school and there are ALWAYS people who complain. We are graded on a bell curve which means the student who does the best sets the mark for what it means to have an "A." Half the students don't seem to realize that conversely it means there must also be a F (usually several) in the class. They freak out because they are in grad school so they must therefore be highly intelligent and hard working, and like your other student wonder why they did poorly when they missed 8-10 classes (for non-excused reasons), didn't do the assigned reading or assignments, and didn't pay attention when they were in class (I kid you not, my school is $40k+ a year in tuition but that doesn't stop students from playing World of Warcraft and Candy Crush in class). I think there are "entitled" students like that everywhere, not just where you are. I say that to say, they are also incorrigible people (for the most part in my experience) and I am sorry that you are stuck dealing with them, and I sincerely hope that your supervisors understand it is them being poor students and not you being a poor teacher.

I also get triggered (sometimes) for past blaming. When I met my husband I apologized to him so much for "normal" things (bumping into his foot, forgetting a grocery item at the store, being five minutes late instead of ten minutes early) that I ended up apologizing to him for apologizing too much. :P In my household when I was a child though, any one of those instances would have been physically punishable (and had been). I understand where you are coming from there; unfortunately I'm also horrible at setting realistic standards for myself. I think I can conquer the world when I can't and I don't know if that is you, but if you are like that also I am sorry.

I am a student at the moment but at my old job I had the same problem. I was in charge of human resources and marketing and as part of the marketing I did promotions that at some places involved small things like key fobs. I had someone at my job actually try to get me fired for "stealing" $2 bills. I produced a list of everyone I sent them to (it was part of a promotion) and was spot-on with how many I had on hand. When they tried to say they supplied me with more than I had listed they refused to show a bank statement or any kind of evidence they did something different. My boss looked into it and found out that I was correct with my money accounting (am I really going to throw a job away over $2 bills? Hell no) and dropped the issue. Even afterwards though she kept claiming I had stolen them and she "knew it."

At one point I offered to go personally get as many $2 bills from my own bank, using my own money, as she felt I had taken (my job was important to me and I dislike rivalry in the work place) and she told everyone that I must have stolen them otherwise I wouldn't offer to replace them.

Sometimes people are just jerks, you know? You are not alone in this however; I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that the meetings go well!

Warm supportive hugs Muji. These entitled people would do it to anyone. I know you know that but the old fears still come up. Its not about you mate, its about them. Keep it in mind if you can. Same as it was about your parents.

Blamed for anything/everything/all things? Ohhhhh....Yes yes and more yes, and it's always me, and I'm the reason for global warming (well, if they'd lived to blame me, I would be).... Yeah. I hear you, and I know that fear. Even the faintest *whiff* of "I might be in error" was "terror" for me, so error=terror in my brain. PTSD runs amok.

Many big purring hugs, and LOL on that second student's "math". Not that it's relevant, at my alma mater, more than 3 unexcused absences in a semester was a letter grade drop no matter what your test and assignment scores (so you could get 100 percent on everything and still be scored at 90 percent). By 10 unexcused absences, my alma mater considered you to have dropped the class, and you didn't receive credit. Granted, 20-plus years ago now, but I suspect the students forget that they're paying to be taught, not paying to get a grade on a transcript.

Much support, Muji.

Yucko bucko, that doth sucko. . . .

I am, strictly personal, still kinda stuck in ponderings of the "self-sabotage" cycles you brought up a while back surrounding the tenure question. Most specifically, I am reviewing my last attempt to finish a degree plan. That would have been the biology study in La UDA, Ecuador, 2006-08, but those cycles are . . . nebulous? Where did the self-sabotaging leave off and where the irreconcilable circumstances begin?

Don't know if the pondering belongs in this thread or knot, but. . . It is what bubbled to the surface of my strictly personals, alongside a sincere wish to offer steadying support in your own strictly personals.

Healing hopes, muji. Steadying support while you sort.

Thanks, all. Venting this last night did me some good. I got a good night's sleep, and wound up dreaming about my graduate school mentor back in the day. I met him when he was just two years from retirement. He was an old school cranky guy, and lots of students were afraid of him. But I found out he was ending his career without ever losing his love of working in the subject area he taught. So in his office he never allowed negotiation about what grade a student got, he would only talk about word done or not done.

The world has changed since his day, I know. But I teach because I love working in my subject area and that's why to focus on work for me as the basis of a grade. Not whether I made all of my students happy. I don't mean to say I don't care about my students. But if I don't engage them in work and assume the role of therapist for them instead I think I'm actually letting them down, not really doing what I came to teaching for in the first place. I refer them to a therapist when they ask for one, and in my classes that comes up, but I am their teacher.

College is different now, though, with enrollment down everywhere and schools competing with each other advertising based on which one offers the student the better experience. Better housing, better coffee in the cafeteria, better gyms to work out in. That's the reality of the marketplace today. But if we forget the work and that we chose our subject to work in because we love it, I think we've lost our way. I want to hold on to one thing from my old crusty mentor: that I'm in teaching because I love my work in my subject, and I want students to care about their subject and their work in it, too.

I'll try to be polite about all of the ways my student in today's meetings may say I don't make her happy in class. But I do want to courteously try to steer the conversation back to work and work product as the real basis for grades. I think that's why I had last night's fond dream about my mentor. Fingers crossed.

Big hug for you muji... Guilt is my middle name

When you're going through the drama with those who don't want to apply themselves and work hard just remind yourself of the patients that these people will be caring for... Not knowing what is expected of them in their work environment isn't okay... If they aren't trying now when you'd think they'd be passionate will probably make for 'crappy' nurses....

Feelings of guilt are hard to bare... I live with this a lot... Another hug and a blessing...xo

When I was in college I took an intro to political science course to fulfil a requirement. The professor and I got into a dispute the very first day. He made the statement "Socrates was known for saying 'I know nothing' ". I told him that he was slightly wrong that Socrates was known for saying " I know only one thing. That is that I know nothing". The professor's variation is the foundation for skepticism. My version allows for the Socratic method of searching for the truth.

He and I argued almost every class and I know many of my classmates hated the professor. At one point students from one of his other classes approached me about signing a group grievance against the professor. I told them I wouldn't sign it and I convinced most of my class not to sign it either. Boy did it come back to bite them. The professor did different final exams for the two classes the exam I took was fair and could be completed in the exam time limit. The one given to the other class was a back breaker. I don't think I could have answered all of the questions plus one of them had so many conditions that it could easily have been a full term paper assignment. There was no way I would have finished it within the time limit.

What I am saying is that it will all come back on them at some point. Real students are there to learn and not there just for a grade. No surprise that they usually go together. The fact that one can't do basic math is a good indicator of the type of student they are.

I'm glad your keeping a positive attitude. This is yet another example of why I could never teach.

Yes definitely yes to the last sentence. That feeling seems entrenched for sure. I am so sorry this happened, really seems unfair.

Support and hugs to you

That hole in the ozone layer? Gotta be my fault. Ditto the economy...yup.

My 2 bosses and I gathered at the appointed place and time for these 2 bogus grade challenges, and then the students who demanded to meet were no shows.

All that anxiety for nothing yesterday. They were offered a chance to meet tomorrow, Friday. Honestly, I hope they no show then, too, since it's the last day before Spring Break and I really need a break.

Here's to peace and spring break:-)

No shows. Maybe they thought it was optional like going to class? Or maybe they will show up tomorrow and say since they attended half of the meetings they deserve better grades?

I won't say what I really think about them since it is a bit negative.