Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hi everyone, I'm new to this group, and I'd like to share and maybe get some input.
During the last few months, I have started remembering sexual abuse that happened to me when I was about 3 or 4. It started as just emerging memories, but now the memories have begun to emerge in occasional flashbacks.
My first, and so far worst, flashback occurred in the shower and left me crippled with fear and unable to think or move. This happened the week before Christmas. I contemplated suicide, but made no steps towards it. Somehow (by the grace of God!) I got out of the shower and went to bed, but my anxiety remained high for the next few days, until I finally hit a breaking point and had a full-blown anxiety attack. My aunt took me to the hospital and I was admitted into the behavioral health center. This 5-day hospital stay helped tremendously, just being able to rest and understand the source of my anxiety a little more. I was diagnosed there with PTSD, and met with a counselor and several doctors during my stay. I'm on meds which are helping somewhat. I do have some questions about my night meds,which I'll list at the end of this post.
I have been improving and living a little more normally since getting out of the hospital, but yesterday was not a good day. I was talking to my aunt and in the middle of our conversation, she without warning reached towards my face with a napkin. I freaked out and asked what she was doing-- and of course, she meant no harm, she was merely going to wipe something off my face. But she saw the fear in my eyes, and the tears welling up. I've never had a reaction quite like that. Also, last night, I began to hyperventilate for no apparent reason. Sometimes my chest will get tight if I'm anxious, but this was beyond that-- and it lasted for a couple of hours. Thankfully my mom and aunt were able to help me relax and get my meds for me (though my chest remained tight and breathing was difficult).
This morning, I woke up after having a really creepy, sexually charged dream. It just frustrated me and disgusted me that I would have a dream like that. I wanted to ask about the meds Trazodone (Desyrel) and Prazosin (Minipress)-- is it possible that these two meds are actually causing my nightmares?
Any thoughts, input on my experience, or prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
During the last few months, I have started remembering sexual abuse that happened to me when I was about 3 or 4. It started as just emerging memories, but now the memories have begun to emerge in occasional flashbacks.
My first, and so far worst, flashback occurred in the shower and left me crippled with fear and unable to think or move. This happened the week before Christmas. I contemplated suicide, but made no steps towards it. Somehow (by the grace of God!) I got out of the shower and went to bed, but my anxiety remained high for the next few days, until I finally hit a breaking point and had a full-blown anxiety attack. My aunt took me to the hospital and I was admitted into the behavioral health center. This 5-day hospital stay helped tremendously, just being able to rest and understand the source of my anxiety a little more. I was diagnosed there with PTSD, and met with a counselor and several doctors during my stay. I'm on meds which are helping somewhat. I do have some questions about my night meds,which I'll list at the end of this post.
I have been improving and living a little more normally since getting out of the hospital, but yesterday was not a good day. I was talking to my aunt and in the middle of our conversation, she without warning reached towards my face with a napkin. I freaked out and asked what she was doing-- and of course, she meant no harm, she was merely going to wipe something off my face. But she saw the fear in my eyes, and the tears welling up. I've never had a reaction quite like that. Also, last night, I began to hyperventilate for no apparent reason. Sometimes my chest will get tight if I'm anxious, but this was beyond that-- and it lasted for a couple of hours. Thankfully my mom and aunt were able to help me relax and get my meds for me (though my chest remained tight and breathing was difficult).
This morning, I woke up after having a really creepy, sexually charged dream. It just frustrated me and disgusted me that I would have a dream like that. I wanted to ask about the meds Trazodone (Desyrel) and Prazosin (Minipress)-- is it possible that these two meds are actually causing my nightmares?
Any thoughts, input on my experience, or prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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Lately I've been feeling scared and full of anxiety. I recently found a lump under my nipple. I hurt my back too. I'm in the process of moving. I'm run down. Everything is hard
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
Therapy and working through these memories - as hard as they were is what helped me. Also, I began reading a lot about s-abuse and went to groups and workshops and did some handbooks that all dealt with the trauma that is left in its wake. Being educated about it, acknowledging the pain and even the denial and dealing with anger I had towards people who should have protected me was very normal.
I can't really answer the questions about your medication but having used Trazadone for sleep in the past, for me, it gave me side effects. Like racing heart, which had the effect of a panic attack. Of course it doesn't do that to everyone, but it did happen to me. As for the other med you mentioned, I don't know it so can't comment on it.
:-)
Sharing has been/is my most consistently effective tool in my own recovery. A post like this one is one of the ways I share. Who I share the it-of-the-day with doesn't seem to matter as much as simply sharing it. When I internalize my yaddahs and try to puzzle them through on my own, they distort like dreams I can't wake up from. Journaling and/or creative expression is one step away from internalizing, but I think that it is the feedback of sharing which helps me sort the realities from the symptoms.
Just thoughts...
Welcome to the forum, tori. I hope you find healing companionship here.
I'm sorry you're going through this =( I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I hope you find the support you need here and in RL. Good luck to you.
To boost my own low self confidence when I reached this stage in my PTSD therapy, I told myself this was the uncorking of feelings--physical & emotional--that I'd had bottled up since my original trauma. Then I told myself that the reason for this uncorking of feelings now was that I could handle it now.
For some reason, it has to be processed, I told myself. That can't be avoided, though I wish it could. But the mind and body stored it up rather than try to have me process it all when it happened. At that time I just couldn't. I may have simply died of shock back then. So even if thoughts of self harm or suicide came with my panic attacks, I told me it would be unfair to who I was back then for me to die now. It arose for me to handle it now.
I got all of that from my therapist, but it was I who had to really tell it to myself to get through the uncorking of all of those physical and emotional memories. I literally said it out loud to myself, wrote it in my journal, told the friends I trusted, said it in support group, just kept on to make myself believe in myself.
Of course I took my meds and really dedicated myself to my therapy. Anyway, that's what I did, and it passed in time (about 2 years), and I got on with my life. I still get flashbacks and symptoms, but not like I did then, when those memories came back.
I'm glad you've joined us. Welcome. Being here really helps me. Hope it helps you, too. Something I didn't know about until I got here that helps a lot, too, is Pete Walker and his tips for dealing with PTSD symptoms.
http://www.pete-walker.com/
Meds *can* cause sleep issues---or cure them. It varies wildly from med to med, person to person. I take a med meant to damp down my nightmares, and I still wake up screaming like a horror movie every other week, and have nightmares about once a week or so. Just is what it is. I take what I can.
Various kinds of therapy are useful, too. For me, I write out or paint out my most vivid nightmares, and journal them, so "themes" that recur can give me something to discuss with my therapist. I'm one of those symbolic dreamers---about half my nightmares are traceable to my trauma(s).
I also journal when I have flashbacks, or seemingly random anxiety. It usually turns out something is bugging me---triggering---a TV show, a sound---or that I have a new memory trying ot emerge and my conscious self is fighting it. That's me, however.
Healing and peace to you,
Leo
As for trazadone I got the best night sleep ever for 5 nights and than the I was severely allergic to it. Prazosin has been great for me. It stops my nightmares at least 90%. I know because I have had to go off it a couple of times for medical reasons and I hated that cause the nightmare came back full fledged.
Well welcome to our group.k
So sorry for what you are going through, i will keep you in my thoughts.
Hugs.
I have issues with certain people touching me also and I feel for PTSD it is a normal reaction. Now days my nightmares of the actual abuse is rare to none but it comes out in different ways. It may take time to get your medications right for you, everyone reacts to medication differently. I do have vivid intense dreams myself.
I also believe sharing with someone, strangers mostly has helped me with my growth including intense rape victim therapy. Distraction is huge for me when I have anxiety and also knowing what will trigger me before I attempt it so that I have a coping plan in place. It is great your family is there to support you, and we will support you here. This is a great group with a lot of incite.
Again, welcome