hi, Kathy. i know how hard it is to figure out a balance here. that way of letting yourself be known and supported, while being supportive - but not exactly the same as we may have thought being friends was before coming here??

learning how to set boundaries in relationships and how to have a friendship can be a new thing for most of us here; it has been for me. i'll be amazed if you don't find out that most everyone understands what you've just said here.

all of us are at different stages of learning and healing here. give yourself time and lots and lots of slack. the rest of us will do that too : ) i'm sure we can each remember times when we stumbled and fumbled along here.

although, i suppose this can be a good place to try out some social practice? we are mainly here to support one another through the hard stuff and root for one another when the great stuff happens. try not to sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff.

hugs, Lilly

Uh-oh. . . I get hyper-vigilant when people hope I am right. . . Part of what one of my shrinks called, "The Family Savior Syndrome." Being told I am right means I will later be held responsible for things which are beyond my control.

Teasing, my friend. . . Sorta. . .

I care allot about what you do, Kathy. I care even more about you finding support here. The healing of one is the healing of us all. I will believe in you until you can believe in yourself, and even beyond.

Keep trying, Kathy. You can do this.

PTSD and depress are the great liars, they tell us time and time again we are not worth while, we do not deserve friends, we are not worthy. This is the story we tell yourself, but it is no right, it is our illness lying to us. I am so glad you are aware of this. Realizing I was telling myself this story was a long road for me to realize it just was not true.

Maybe when you find yourself telling yourself you have no friend and no one will want to hang out with you, you can challenge that thoughts. Maybe say something like, "this is my illness talking, this is not true".

I am glad you are here, this is a friendly group.

Im going to try everything youse suggest to me Spiral. This woman the other day said id never have friends because i wasnt a friend. I think those false words really dug in but noone understood. They say i should apologize. I did that a few days before this happened. I hadnt had a bout in long time. I actually was trying with all my might to act right. I hope this is the group where ill be accepted as i am.

Hi Kathy and welcome :) I'm sure you'll fit right in here with us all. I would agree with CC this illness lies to us. It tells us untrue beliefs about ourselves to suit our horrible feelings. Also it's best not to set too much store by internet friends. We all have busy lives offline and can't always be here for you when you're in need. And maybe that lady was right. To get friends you have to be a friend yourself. It can't be all give and no take, or all take and no give. Friendship is a 2 way street Kathy. It can't be all one sided. Balance is the key word here and compromise and understanding that other people have their own problems too. Hope what i said hasn't come across too harsh. That's not my intention at all. Just asking you to keep your expectations at a realistic level so you don't end up hurt or disappointed by people who are for all intents and purposes just strangers in cyberspace.

Best

Manda xxx

Lilly, Do you think ill learn that its ok to have a melt down and youse wont push me away? I always get pushed away so im not sure of how to act. Im really trying to have a few wonderful friends who kinda understand that im a little different than some, but most ppl are somewhat different ,true? I want to beable to listen to and help others. I do ok with some ppl, but if i mention that i too need a little understanding i get really stomped on. When i really get knocked backwards in thinking over the weekend i really got bad and i kinda left messages in a couple of groups where it wasnt understood and i got reprimanded again. I just cant forgive the woman that hurt me so bad because she knew that i needed her help. All she had to do was talk me down and id be ok. I think Ive found the right place to be at least i hope and pray i have.

oh, (((Kathy))) i'm so sorry that happened to you. i really hope that we will be the group where that doesn't happen and you will feel comforted and supported.

nobody is expecting you to be being a big support, we know you are in a hurting place and need support right now. try not to worry, k?

if you do feel you need extra support, please let us know. that is why we are here too. we each came here hurting, looking for people who might understand - and here is where we found understanding and support.

sometimes asking for some hugs is a good idea - i've done a hug post here : ) lots of people hug back. i even do a yelling/screaming post sometimes - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. just to let out that frustration feeling. you'd be surprised how many other people are feeling frustrated and just want to let it out too.

you are going to find - i think you already have - that there are special people who will stick close by you, and also there will be those who you have a lot in common with. you will probably grow friendships over the years. things like that happen here all the time.

gentle hugs

p.s. i copied that hugging post from someone else, i don't remember who i'd seen do it before. i liked it a lot and so i copied them : )

HI and Welcome Kathy.... This is a wonderful and supportive board.... I'm sorry you were hurt.... Gentle hug.....xo

one more p.s.s. important to know - i am not good at friendships. : (

i don't know, but i seem to do better when i stay to responding to people on the board, as we are here now? or in hugs, things like these. if i go off into other areas, i find it becomes more than i can deal with, i become overwhelmed.

Oh Lilly, I understand what your saying im just so scared ill get too relaxed and then goof up royaly. I just havent really known support. PPl always found fault with everything i do. I finnaly accepted help from the blind association and my mother doesnt want them screwing up things for her. I just dont pay attention and walk in front of cars before i realize what im doing. I guess im thinking my walker will save me. I have so much to learn. But im ready to do it. I know this place is what i need. And youse will become my friends.

just like Arfie said, keep trying, you can do this!

SunCloud, Im happy to finnaly be here where i can learn to be a better person. Thank-you from the bottom of my heart.

I sure will do it. Ill do everything youse suggest to me. Somethings are bound to be right for me too.

there isn't anything wrong with (((((((you)))))))

it isn't easy to get used to talking to people you don't know, that's all. it's important to remember we all are here to be supportive of each other xo

i've goofed up SO many times, i can't even believe it. people are so nice to me here. it is because of being abused so badly, we don't have skills but that doesn't make anything wrong with us. we may have sensitivities too - still, not anything wrong with us; not our basic selves. we may have PTSD, or CPTSD - that we are here to talk about or just be with others who have it too and understand.

having it means: we are people who have reacted in a normal way to a horrible thing or things that happened to us.

that is what having it means.

that's not how we are treated most of time, but that's what having CPTSD or PTSD means. my exact definition could probably be improved upon; i was improvising.