Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Thou hast not half that power to do me harm
As I have to be hurt. ~Shakespeare (Othello, spoken by Emilia, act 5 scene 9)
The worst part of my obsessive thought loops is the way they blow everything out of proportion. With each trip through the obsessive loop, the thought becomes larger and more hurtful. "Not now" becomes, "Not Now, you effing idiot!" which morphs into ... ad infinitum...
A couple or few years ago I began treating my obsessive thought loops like a physical phenomenon. When I stopped to notice, I found that my obsessive thought loops were always accompanied by "pressure centers" within my skull. My ability to disregard the physical world in favor of my own thoughts and perceptions is profound enough that noticing physical pain is not always easy for me. I had to live with a great deal of physical pain in my childhood and that conditioning runs very, very deep. Even now... In the days since the attack from my husband this past Sunday, I forgot all about this treatment of my obsessive thought loops. I have been popping aspirin like gum drops and still didn't make the connection. It finally connected during this morning's meditation. Well, duh!!!
And so I resume that which I already knew. As the thought loops begin invading my psyche, I begin the mental massage of the associated pressure center. This morning it sits behind my right ear.
Onward through the fog. Literally, as well as figuratively this muggy morning. A fog has rolled up from the Brazos river to shroud my morning bee play. Time to make bee food and suit up.
Still sorting... Thanks for allowing it.
As I have to be hurt. ~Shakespeare (Othello, spoken by Emilia, act 5 scene 9)
The worst part of my obsessive thought loops is the way they blow everything out of proportion. With each trip through the obsessive loop, the thought becomes larger and more hurtful. "Not now" becomes, "Not Now, you effing idiot!" which morphs into ... ad infinitum...
A couple or few years ago I began treating my obsessive thought loops like a physical phenomenon. When I stopped to notice, I found that my obsessive thought loops were always accompanied by "pressure centers" within my skull. My ability to disregard the physical world in favor of my own thoughts and perceptions is profound enough that noticing physical pain is not always easy for me. I had to live with a great deal of physical pain in my childhood and that conditioning runs very, very deep. Even now... In the days since the attack from my husband this past Sunday, I forgot all about this treatment of my obsessive thought loops. I have been popping aspirin like gum drops and still didn't make the connection. It finally connected during this morning's meditation. Well, duh!!!
And so I resume that which I already knew. As the thought loops begin invading my psyche, I begin the mental massage of the associated pressure center. This morning it sits behind my right ear.
Onward through the fog. Literally, as well as figuratively this muggy morning. A fog has rolled up from the Brazos river to shroud my morning bee play. Time to make bee food and suit up.
Still sorting... Thanks for allowing it.
Either I underreact and don't address a problem advocating for myself, because I fear my feelings are overblown. So I do nothing and it comes back to bite me.
Or I overreact and make a fool of myself or worse, because my PTSD alarms are so loud in a situation. I've done that by resigning from good jobs or ending relationships over something that didn't need to be terminal like that.
It's really frustrating, because it's a lifelong process to try to gauge what a balanced response will be. And only I can hear those wailing, loud PTSD sirens going off so loudly that they're drowning all else out. I can talk about it with my therapist, but only I hear them blasting in my head first hand.
I so want to be wise and use good judgment, too.
Sigh. You're not alone in this one, either.
I don't know what else to say; go with what works.
Words that are so close to mine in some ways. I take meds to get my pain levels to a dull functional roar. Even when something that is really painful when it happens, I tend to step away from the reality of it, like watching from the eyepiece of a telescope. Then I fight through it to do the things I want or need to do in most cases. But when the hit is emotional all my control over pain perception is gone, then I eat advil like candy with my other meds to bring down the flare-ups of my OA,RA, Fibro and various breaks and injuries, that never healed right. I am almost bedridden for days, except to let out my very patient BabyD.
It's why I get quiet a lot of the time here and in the real world. I can go for weeks without humans interfering in my life.
DS is a place that I use to break myself out of the self-imposed isolation, then small steps until I can again participate in other areas. It is the door that Jon was to the human world for me. Otherwise I would sit and watch the world like it was one of those snow globes.
J.
Gentlest wishes, This is a tough one.