your boyfriend can have friends- i would support that- but what he said- u don't mean shit to him- he owes u an apology- that might have been something he said in the heat of the moment- used the wrong words- but he needs to apologize. if u r going to be his wife or lifetime partner then u better mean shit to him. u deserve a certain level of respect!

i spent the last five years with a man (15 and a half years older)- who four months into the marriage showed his first signs of verbal/mental abuse (ie telling me i have no friends) and physical violence (ie hitting the wall with his fist)

interestingly i have had more severe hs with him than ever before- my body tells me, my mind told me and now my heart has said i am not in love with him anymore- he has broken me down to the point of no return and now we are separating. still living together but getting separated asap (separate housing).

i am a smart girl but right now I feel really stupid (no self esteem)- I am taking a job at burger king to survive- everyone has to start somewhere-

sorry this is getting long... the issue is close to home... not only is he talking to an ex but he is making u feel bad about urself. how long will this go on? can u tolerate it forever? what if he gets physical like my husband did? i have a tendency to be too submissive- i let some of this transpire but now i know i've got nothing left for him. my kids and pets (four dogs and three cats) and taking care of home is all that matters. i know i will do better on my own- im happier when he's not around- i have friends and family that love me... good luck to u hon- whatever u decide.

we've decided to live seperately. right now he packed up some of his stuff and is living in our shed, yeah i know a shed right. its one of those tuff sheds that in itself can be a cottage like. im just so tired of having to deal with him on the pc talking to his ex girlfriend who he considers just a friend and not even an ex girlfriend. how the hell could she not be, he was with her for 12 years even considered marrying her and having kids with her. wth. every time i ask innocent questions about her he gets all defensive and then denies that he gets defensive. i think there is something seriously wrong with him. he says he has no feelings for her but why does he act the way he does then. I'm just tired of waking up and finding him on the computer. because it always seems to be when I'm not looking or in bed. he never turns it on when im already up. that to me makes me suspicious. and then he denies that too, that its not always when im in bed. but it is. his son lives in a 5th wheel next to us along with his mother in a travel trailor behind us and they come over here all the time. there is no privacy for me at times and I'm sick of it. I'm tired of them coming over all the time, especially when we are having a private conversation, they just come right over and the conversation has to be dropped. Then to me there's really no point continuing the conversation after they leave because it has been interupted. I can't say anything to them because then I'm being considered not civil.
What the hell ever. They all trigger me badly with the way they act and what they say. Like for example his mom will come over and just because I don't talk enough for her she will come right out and ask me if I'm mad at her. Just because I'm what, not talking too much for her. That makes no sense and one time I found myself in the bathroom crying after she left. It's soooooo iritating. I'm just constantly annoyed living here. I have applied for an appartment but there are several others I'm going to apply to. I just want out of here. I'm tired of the bullshit. And he never applologized for saying that I don't mean shit to him.

i forgot to mention I said something to that effect to him first, the not meaning shit. you know i think this whole thing is really immature.
we both have alot of personal issues to work on and its conflicting with our relationship. that's the major reason why we decided to live seperately for a time. because we both got a lot to work on ourselves.
i remember a saying that "if you have too many problems yourself and you enter a relationship, you bring the problems with you into the relationship. first work on yourself before entering a relationship".
something to that effect. I guess because it will only make things worse?
i think there was a discussion about that here. I remember reading about it. I feel like a failure tho because things aren't going like I want them too. In two years we were talking about getting married. Now I don't think its possible and I just want to cry.

hmfeather. Just my opinion, that and $2 might get you a large cup of coffe at MickeyD's..but..You said you both have personal issues to deal with...Get you that apartment...both of you work on your "issues"..then see how things are. Might be a week..might be a month..maybe even a year. But personally I would be suspicious as all get out if I was with a guy and everytime I went to bed or was otherwise occupied he jumped on the computer and starting chatting it up with another girl,ex,friend or otherwise. And then to claim you are "crazy" that he don't do that, your NOT blind or retarded, and I'm pretty sure you know how to pretend to be asleep (and have probably done so to catch him "in the act"). If it don't feel right it don't feel right and most times...it ISN'T right. Even though you have PTSD don't let it lead you to totally believe that,at least sometimes, you shouldn't follow your gut instinct. I find myself second guessing myself, and soo many times I have had to sit with regret for NOT following my gut instinct, thinking it was just the PTSD "talking to me."
That said, yes he does have a right to have friends. No he shouldn't be defensive if you ask him questions about past relationships. Do you ask him questions solely about the girl in question or have you talked to him about other girls he has dated or been engaged to? I know my hubby REALLY didn't like it or appreciate it when I would obsess, and I do mean obsess, over his ex-gf..I don't even know the girl,have only seen pictures of her, but for a looooonnngggg time I was intimidated by her and hated her and hated all discussion of her..this time it WAS my PTSD talking thou
. It's hard for some people to understand how you could obsess over someone they are no longer with,but they don't understand our insecurities then either. It's like, well I know that at one time my bf had deep feelings for this person,I'm not good enough..oh no what if they find out I'm not good enough and this "better" person comes back and takes them from me?! Been there done that. He should have friends,but if is wanting a long term relationship or possible marriage,then his friends should not come before you,and certainly not an EX gf. Besides, ex's are ex's for a reason for the most part. Either due to lack of maturity on one or both parties people can seperate,but after time has passed and the levels of maturity change, two people can find that they still have a lot in common,get back together and it actually work. But this type of "ex-ism" is definately not the norm.
Let him live in the shed if he wants. Find you an apartment. Take the time to figure out what you want out of a relationship, what your personal goals for yourself are, and think about where you want to be in 10,15 or 20 years and see if you see this other person fitting into it in any way. Write it down on paper (helps me stay focused) so that you have a "hard copy" in your face to remind you. If he makes you feel unimportant or less than..leave..we beat ourselves up on a daily basis and we certainly don't need anyone helping us along.
Sorry so long..hope it helps a little..an dang it promise to be nice! I tried...lol (least I think I was...dang it..shut up ptsd!)

Oh not to mention the never having privacy thing.I live temp right now with my mother in law..She drives me batty, me and her have already fallen out in two actual physical fights,I tried real hard not to hurt her badly,but I tend to "blackout"(part of the PTSD). We still partly get along,despite the fights since they were initiated by her. Just remember that if you marry this guy, you marry his family too. And unless you want to be married and just never go to family functions from his side and just let him deal with them and visit them without you, you would have to deal with his family every time there was a function or family get together. His mother already grates on your last nerve and I can pretty much guarantee it won't get better. Kids complicates the mix cause then she'll want to give you advice on raising them,and if she is already a pain to you, it will be twice as bad. At least commenting from personal experience, I am in No way a professional..maybe a pro at being nutz..lol

well when i come out in the living room he's doing completely innocent stuff on the internet. he won't write to his ex girlfriend without showing me. its me. its all me. i get very insecure about it and have harrassed him for the last 2 1/2 years about it. so i am partially to blame for our foul ups, at least when it comes to the ex. it doesnt help that we have differing beliefs. he is fine with it im not. he even told his mom he likes my morals. yet we get into arguments. relationships are complicating to me. i have been accepted by an apartment so we'll see how it goes.