Wish I had some answers for you. Depression is a b#%#h. I like your rendition of the abc's song. Maybe the big boss will send you a message. I know it is hard to do but, try to find something to get those rambling thoughts moving in a different direction. Take some time for yourself. Sending friendly hugs hoping the depression cloud moves on in the near future.

seems to me that when i pray the abc's god doesn't send back comprehensive memos. just a word here and a word there at a moment when i am most receptive.

listening. . .

Big hug sweetie....From what I remember of your last journal it seems that you don't have any time for you

Could any of your other kids have a cousin's weekend now and then for a sleep over and I was also wondering about a student babysitter in order to gqive you a break

There may be people at nearby colleges or university looking for babysitting

I'm sorry that you're still struggling...xo

true that, suncloud. works in progress. cousin options are not available, but the two older siblings have established enough of a social life that friend options are becoming available. the six year old is branching out. her options will be opening up soon.

i confess to having difficulty trusting strangers with my children. always have. babysitting duties were part of my child sex trafficking experience. i was expected to screen and groom my charges. i never carried through on those duties, but my sisters did and, as the mother figure, the trust don't come easy. i worked some to overcome that mistrust in my first parenting career and never accomplished it too far. here in the second it feels like more work than it is worth.

less than a week until school starts up. the free days are almost here.

For sure...So understandable and everywhere you loik now sex trafficking is coming up

WTF is wrong with people
It's so awful
I'm wondering if there are babysitting agencies where people have been vetted?
I know they would be more expensive

I know at one time you didn't want medication
Are you totally against trying something that ? may help sweetie?

for my psycho nickel, i wondered more bitterly about wtf was wrong with people when they insisted that the world i was born into didn't exist. i find the growing public awareness to be a huge step toward honesty.

i don't really believe i need meds. the therapy exercises have been working admirably and i have remained quite functional, despite these undercurrents.

don't really believe babysitters are much of a solution in this case.

They're still trying to insist it doesn't exist

Vile

I'm glad therapy is helping...xo