Hi there dear. As you mentioned, "You didn't tell anyone, no friends or family" I think that first thing you need to do is to share your story most especially to your family and a couple of friends that you trust. You have become powerless because of that traumatic experience with your ex boyfriend. Do no be afraid dear. It is stated in the bible "Have no fear for I am with you" God is with you so keep pushing and have the courage to share what your going through. Go to therapy and counseling if you need to.

I have experienced flashbacks also, it so disturbing and you cannot stop it. What I did is that I started journaling, I write every thought, memory or just anything. I purge out my fear, hopes and anxieties and it really does a big help. Over the course of time, you will feel better and as you scan those old writing in your journal you will be just laughing!!! Also I stop questioning as to why it always comes back, or what it happened or i should have done this and done that. Learn to forgive yourself dear. We make unwise decisions sometimes. and I came to a point where I just feel and observe my thoughts regarding that traumatic incident. It will fade away, promise.

Do not let that experience stop you from becoming the best version of yourself. You are innocent dear and if there is someone who should be punished it is not you but him. Let karma do all the dirty work for you and If your lucky enough you will have a chance of watching it happened to him. Have compassion and love yourself. ;) You will be just fine ;)

It takes a lot of courage to reach out and ask for help. I am glad you have choose to reach out to this group and I hope you find it both supportive and helpful.
I am also glad that you have started to get some help, or at least I assume you have because you have a diagnosis of PTSD. There are lots of things you can try to help with the PTSD symptoms, including therapy, medication, meditation, etc. One of the biggest and best things you can do for yourself is to watch the negative self-talk and try and replace it with empathy for what you have been through.
welcome to the group

Hugs. No one "thing" that I went through was all that terrible either. But the sum total left me suicidal for decades. Effects speak for themselves.

Welcome, sorry for the reasons that you find yourself here, but glad to have you,
Heartfelt hugs, Patti

There is nothing you have to do. My abuse was from my father. And yet I have had similar problems. I think what we have to remember is that wounds physical or mental hurt until they heal. I am not sure how to heal that. But I know from experience that you don't have to make it to 100% to make it. Every little way you find to deal with the pain in therapeutic ways, will help.

We often think we have to heal completely before we can heal. But we learn to deal with the pain better when there is less of it.

Your path is different than everyone else's, but there will be many similarities as well. You have to search for something to try. I remember trying EFT or tapping. It seems to work for some people but I felt like a complete idiot the whole time so, of course it was hard for me to find benefit in it. Different things will work for you along the way. Just as the same coping mechanisms won't help us with all of our problems some of the ways for healing, you sometimes have to heal a little before you can find the logic in it.

It seems like you are doing the first step in recovery, recognizing how it affects your life. And sometimes we have to make some reasonable accommodations for ourselves to help our self along the way. So I would start by finding how you can avoid the triggers. Not all the time, but when you feel too weak to deal with them.

Showing that you can limit your exposure to the triggers I found to be very helpful, especially when the triggers scared me because I was already deeply depressed and was scared it would send me off the brink. But it is control of your environment. If you live with others ask them if you can call a time out sometimes. But then you have to be willing to give something also. So maybe they would like a time out also. Or perhaps if they care for you, they are going to want to know you are better when you are better, and maybe what you are going through.

The people in your life may not know what you are going through, but they at one point noticed you were going through something. You signed up for the PTSD group so I am assuming that you have accepted that you are affected by it. And I here a lot of anxiety that goes along with PTSD as well. Learn how to lessen the anxiety associated with the PTSD, and you will be able to see the PTSD better. I know easier said then done. But with practice certainly possible.

This is a good place to get advice from people from all walks of life, who deal with the same issues you deal with. And I encourage you to remain as your nickname to everyone here and speak from the heart about all the things you wandered if you could ask about, in the appropriate forums.

People will always give you advice from their perspective. And somewhere in that pile of perspectives is going to be something you can use, some things you aren't ready for yet, and some things that may never work for you. Try some things. Find anything that helps. Identify what you do as a coping mechanism or a healing process. Heal when you can, cope when you need to, and move forward.

There is a point somewhere along the way to perfect where the journey is not as difficult, and the past does not control you as much as it used to. But you also have to give yourself time to heal. You have to learn to love yourself enough to feel you deserve it. Something that is hard to learn when you have been abused young. But it is not a war where you fight big battles all the time.

It is a journey, from where you are to something better. And it can be done but we all have to learn how, from where we are. And most people tell us how they got where they are. Try it and discard.

I have found in my journey, that you don't have to be way out side of your comfort one to try different things. Try things that you think will help that are just outside your comfort zone in the direction you want to head. I have found that is how you learn to trust yourself that you can do this. That you can learn what kind of reasonable accomodations you need in life where you are now, and start giving them to yourself until you can better manage it, and then eventually that just outside your comfort zone will be very healing and the circle will get bigger.

No matter how old you are, when it comes to healing yourself we all start as 'toddlers' in the process. Whenever we begin, and we have a lot of exploring to do.

You have already began collecting resources. Reach out more in safe ways until you get used to asking for what you need. And learn it is not as scary or selfish as you might think it is.

All I have is my advice. "It is not selfish to save yourself."

Hi, exr. Welcome to the forum.

Alas, a wounded psyche is not as simple to fix as a physical wound. The doctors do not get to work with the assistance of x-rays and lab tests to guide them. They don't get to knock you unconscious with powerful drugs while they surgically remove the affected parts without interference from the patient.

Your current therapy might not feel like enough right now, but be patient with the process. Hope you feel safe to share the confusions and contusions of it here and maybe even in a live support group, as well. We are only as sick as our secrets, so share freely. Share often.

Welcome to the forum.

Hi dear girl, I applaud you for finding the strength and courage to post and share what you have been through. I am so sorry for all the pain and abuse. Abuse is hard to recover from, perhaps it is two steps forward, three steps back. You have received a lot of good and loving support from those who have posted. Take what can work in your life. Know that you are special and valuable and that God does have a plan for your life. Almost every town has a group for women who have experienced abuse. I would urge you to consider doing this. This is such a loving place to be with professionals who understand the fallout from this as well as women who have experienced what you have walked through. I was in a very abusive marriage and this group really helped me to heal. You are not to blame, you did not cause this. You were young and you can't possibly understand how someone is twisting you like a pretzel. It is so important to be strong so that you protect yourself from abusive men. When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE IT. You will not change anyone, it doesn't get better. Reach out to people you love and trust, who can help you and support you. If you belong to a church, go there and talk to people. If you think about doing something that you know will not be good, like calling your old boyfriend, reach out to someone right away. You are worth so much more and abuse is NOT God's plan for anyone. I wish you peace in the days ahead. Healing and restoration will come. You will be in my prayers.

Hi and Welcome ex...... Good for you for reaching out here and getting into therapy.... It takes courage ... This is a great group.... I'm glad you found us.... Gentle hug of comfort.....xo

Welcome, I'm glad you posted. You can see by the outpouring of support here that you're not alone. I wish I could help with how being abused leads a lot of us to have trouble dating again. I haven't had a date in 7 years now myself. But therapy really helped me overcome my abuse and have a useful and good life in all other areas, so there's healing even for us and what we've gone through. This is a healing place.