Oh yeah, I'm not taking any medication. My therapist has suggested depression meds and I'm thinking about trying them over my Christmas vacation from work. I figure if I freak out ... at least it won't be in front of my boss/coworkers and clients.

i think that this is fairly common.

I totally relate with you on this one. I often have this experience. My father was very abusive. When I get worked up and have flashbacks 9 times out of ten I have a suffocating -pressure pain in my chest. I have concluded that this is a "feeling memory." I was hiding from my father behind a chair once. He found me and was so irate that I hid from him that he pushed the chair against my body as hard as he could. I tried to beg him to stop but the angle of the chair was pushing directly on my chest and I couldn't get any air in. I cried and gasped for what seemed like an eternity. He looked direct at me, I'm sure mindful of how much fear and pain I was in, and continued to scream at me as he pushed the chair against my chest. I honestly thought I was going to die in that moment. I thought it would never end. Now, when I get upset I literally feel that pressure against my chest, and gasp for air. That area of my chest never seemed to heal, as it always feels bruised to the touch. It seems weird, but that's the way it is.

Sometimes if I hold my hand on my chest it helps ground me, or offer a sense of comfort through the moment. I guess you have to try different things and find what offers you comfort during those trying times.

The holidays SUCK! Medication would be a fabulous choice. There might be something they could offer as needed for anxiety if you don't want to take something everyday. I know that meds have helped me function. I always said "no-way" to drugs because I wanted to be in control at all times. then I found that the only way I could feel SOME control in my life was through medication to reduce the flashbacks.

Much love and peace...
Albi

i can relate to this. hang in there.

Yeah, it seems that the mind remembers physical feelings as well as emotional ones.

I have had two rape dreams that left me sore for the whole next day, as well as scared and emotionally hurt.

Hang in there. You're doing the right thing by working through it. That's one way of taking control of our past. It isn't always pretty, like riding a horse for the first time, but with a little training, you'll be able to stay on top of it.

Love and Light for your journey,
Wistala

What you are going through is normal for survivors of abuse. The body is a warehouse of memories and can cause you pain when you remember the abuse.