Ok, deep breath.... wondering what to say...

I can relate to what you write about anxiety looking for perfection and finding excuses. About getting caught in negative cycles. (I think that's what it is, arfie, a negative spiral, not YOU feeding the misery. I may be wrong, but... well... )

I wish I could give you the perfect answer of: "Do this and you'll be okay". Unfortunately I haven't found it either.

My own reality in overcoming anxiety is: try. (And, of course, try to do it perfectly because anything less than perfect isn't good enough, right? Says the little demon on my shoulder, at least.) Fail. Beat myself up for it. Realize what I'm doing. Stop beating myself up for beating myself up... often with the help of supportive people, including people on DS. Try again. Half-succeed. Beat myself up for it... then realize a half-success is better than a total fail. Give myself a pat on the shoulder (fake it till I make it on that one). Try again...

I don't know arfie, I have no real answers and am probably making no sense at all.

You have my support.... hugs

Even before the chaos of the internet explosion, there was no shortage of people with the perfect answer of, "Do this and you'll be okay." I've even been among the peddlers of perfect answers. Put all those perfect answers together and you have the perfect chaos.

Maybe "stop beating myself up and try again" could be the summary?

Support appreciated, Beatha. Making sense of the insensible is no small task.

Thank you for summarizing my chaotic answer so perfectly. Good job on making sense of the insensible.

I heard many people have been feeling very anxious lately. I am not sure this is true but we people with PTSD seem to be extra aware or our surrounding and environment.
We are like wild animals in sensory terms than domesticated ones.
There are a LOT of things going on in the world right now, some of it pure evil and it is really alarming and anxiety provoking.
Yes humankind is in danger.
For myself sometimes I wonder if my anxiety is picking up on real world events and energy or is it just my personal symptom of PTSD.
I think you are right not to beat yourself up and try again.
I have no doc or meds and that is kind of what I do. I try to distance myself from my symptoms even if they are very strong until they pass. They do subside after awhile, like waves, sometimes they are really high and sometimes much lower.

I have zero doubt that my anxieties and the stress of the world around me are deeply interconnected. Which witch is wits? Think I'll just let that mystery be. It is a very complex weave.

I've been through decades of psychotherapy, including drug therapy, and am still basically trying ". . .to distance myself from my symptoms even if they are very strong until they pass." I am grateful for all the extra tools my psychotherapy has given me to accomplish that with more effective grace."

That's so well put, arfie. " ". . .to distance myself from my symptoms even if they are very strong until they pass." That's why I did 5 years of daily meditation in which once a week I was accountable to a local meditation group that happened to be a Buddhist sangha--and as a hospital chaplain I was a Christian minister. But it not only helped me with my own symptoms, it helped me on the job with the symptoms of others, especially those of trauma patients coming in with gunshot wounds to my Chicago ER.

Wow, you said that perfectly for me, Arf.

Let us keep the credit where it belongs. I lifted those directly out of Kaisad's response.

They are, indeed, as apropos as they are elegant and simple.

Yeah well said arfie. Its a very hard thing to do specially while very triggered. It has taken a lot of years and understanding my own story to be able to do it while I am not triggered, when triggered I am still conscious that I am being triggered and that I could chose to not act on my trigger and let it pass but a lot of times I allow myself to go off in harmless ways but that unfortunately have ended jobs, friendships, excellent martial arts coaches (that one hurts)
I guess its been harmful to me only. ;/

I still need a lot of work on when I get triggered. Very hard.

The "Mindfulness" theories are currently the most effective in my personal psychotherapy toolbox. By my understanding of those, I let it be okay that I am not okay and focus on setting the symptoms aside far enough to focus on doing what needs to be done in my current day.

Again, easier said than done, especially under the influence of a triggered psychosis. Very hard, indeed.

(((arfie))). yeah, that perfection/anxiety has a persistent streak doesn't it. I don't know about all that jazz, but I do know the pondering is the real chaos, and it just that we keep changing the topic. or at least, for now, lol, I think I know this.

this find the healthy path journey is full of surprises , apparently, as I have been learning.

I think, I will just go with, whatever it is, the cause of the pondering, is less significant than recognizing the pondering itself. If we can just get to a place mentally/emotionally/logically where we can see it as pondering than maybe we can disregard it as a whole and just manual labor, or nonsensical downtime our way through it.

The chore, the job, the exercise or the laughter, the nap, the mindless conversations and pleasentries. whatever moves our awareness away from the pondering and actually towards something else. So not a distraction but a redirection.

most questions answer themselves in time, I think. but that's right now lol, who knows what I will think tomorrow.

any who, always triple hugs of support~

Gentle hug Arf……

You and your family have been going through an awful lot.... I think it's a big credit to you that you remember the alphabet !!

It sux when such important things are out of our control …. Sending you some peace of mind and my hand …...xo

Chagrin grin. . .
The alphabet has been my most used prayer through the ordeal. When words are not enough, I sing the alphabet song and trust that The Cosmos know which letters to take.

I know the alphabet better than usual these days. Next time won't you sing with me?