Hey AngelaJo. I know how scary it is to face all of this. Is there someone you'd rather have with you than your mother that you could have at your head? I know it's hard.

I have to get meds for certain exams and I'm embarrassed by it, but I know it needs to get taken care of or it will get worse. It's completely irrational for me to be afraid to call my eye doctor - all I have are glasses - but something about it triggers me. When I do get to the office, I have to have my husband hold my hand even when they do the air puff test. I usually am all out crying by the time the doc puts in the drops.

Now that's my easiest, once every two years exam. Other things I've been putting off even longer because of my irrational fears. Like going to a PCP so I can refill my anxiety meds so I can go to other doctors. I'm getting better though by watching old tv shows like ER and House. I actually got my shingles shot at the pharmacy without anyone holding my hand. I'm only getting better with lots of work and baby steps, so don't think that you should be 100% because you've done this exam before. You know you have survived before, and I bet you can survive the exam again. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow!

Along those lines, because my grandfather had prostate cancer, I had to have mine checked. That required allowing a doctor to poke my behind. As I was twice sexually assaulted at age 10 by a male pedophile (who was caught and died in prison) I have severe, severe, severe, and I do mean SEVERE PTSD triggers around any such procedure. So I got the doctor to put me completely under as if for full blown surgery, or I just couldn't handle it.

So sorry for what you're going through because though I'm a male I can assure you I have been there, too, in my own male body's way. I had to have them change the procedure entirely just to get through it. Is that an option for you?

By the way, I'm glad to report that the results of the test were good, no prostate cancer like with my grandfather.

(((((Angela))))))
Sending you lots of support, you got this girl. I understand, you are not alone.
Once your appointment is done I hope you can do a nice little something for yourself & just totally relax as much as you can.

Gentle hug <3

I have no better advice, just puma purrs. be kind to yourself. It's gonna be okay.

Thanks everyone, i need to leave soon because i need to get fasting blood work first. Then were going to grab something to eat in town (if i can eat) and some caffeine then i got my appt.

Gentle hug AJ..... It will be over soon...... Sending you a big hug of support and peace.... xo

Praying God covers you with a blanket of His love, and a calm sense of protection. It's a great sign of self love that you're willing to do this for yourself. For the future, you can request a female doctor. If they detect pre-cancer and get it under control, you will get to a point where you'll only need a pap every six years. I've been through it myself, and learned it's a lot more common than I thought. You'll get through this and come out stronger. HUGS!

thanks everyone

Full of Hope nope can NOT go every 6 years, its every year i have endrometroysis, PCOS and family history of ovarian cancer and 4 miscarraiges.

I made it thru but barely, still struggling very triggered.

I'm so sorry! I understand how stressful this is for you, how horribly triggering. Holding your hand through it....

I'm so sorry for all you're feeling. I totally relate to your female issues as I endured pretty much the same. Endo, adeno, hemorrhaging ovaries, 14 tumors etc. It is overwhelming what our bodies go through every month that many can't see or feel. Big hugs and I hope you can or did get through it ok.. Deep breaths! I suffer w ptsd from multiple traumas. Sending u good energy:)

Yeah, even though I got them to put me to sleep, for my parallel male procedure that went to where I was sexually assaulted twice by an adult pedophile as a child, I was triggered afterwards, too. We have to do these things for cancer prevention, but wow, is it ever difficult. Sending you support for tonight, AJ.